Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I'm generally a caring, generous and open person. I have an easy time getting a long with people and I enjoy helping others. I volunteer with the homeless, at a woman's shelter, and with pets at a rescue agency. I am a foster parent and have a daughter of my own. My biggest fault is giving when I have almost nothing to give. It was also how I was raised.
But when it come's to my big sister I swear I don't have a heart. I can't get myself to care about her anymore. As a back story she abused me physically, mentally and emotionally as a child (burning me with cigarettes, locking me in a closet for days at a time and on and on). She is a thief who is no longer allowed in my home as she has stolen so much, including money from my daughter. She has abused many drugs in her life, the biggest being crack for years. She lost her children (I raised one) and prostituted herself out for the drug before being arrested for selling to an undercover and being sent to federal prison. Now she uses on and off and drinks a butt ton of alcohol. She is manipulative, self absorbed, and dramatic.
She is my sister. And she may be dying.
No one has seen actual proof that she is dying. But her story has had enough of the same key points and knowledgable terms (she tends to not put much stock in her scams and often messes up the facts and doesn't care) that it has a little more substance than usual. The doctors however, cannot find a single thing wrong with her other than her symptoms. She lives off a diet of candy and chips that she has stolen from various stores around the city. She occasionally eats a peanut butter sandwich but only if my mother will supply her with the bread and peanut butter. Or a meal at a resteraunt, as long as someone else buys it for her. She refused blood transfusions until she was hospitalized and told to either get them or stop wasting the doctors time (in kinder words) but she refuses so much else. She won't take care of her body through diet and exercise. Because she 'hurts so much' and as for food....I don't freaking know.
It hurts my mum deeply that I can't gather up the emotion to feel bad for her. And it bothers me as well. She is literally the only person in the whole wide world I feel like this about. I will give my last $5 to buy a homeless man a sandwich.....I wouldn't give it to my sister. It makes me feel like a monster.
But when it come's to my big sister I swear I don't have a heart. I can't get myself to care about her anymore. As a back story she abused me physically, mentally and emotionally as a child (burning me with cigarettes, locking me in a closet for days at a time and on and on). She is a thief who is no longer allowed in my home as she has stolen so much, including money from my daughter. She has abused many drugs in her life, the biggest being crack for years. She lost her children (I raised one) and prostituted herself out for the drug before being arrested for selling to an undercover and being sent to federal prison. Now she uses on and off and drinks a butt ton of alcohol. She is manipulative, self absorbed, and dramatic.
She is my sister. And she may be dying.
No one has seen actual proof that she is dying. But her story has had enough of the same key points and knowledgable terms (she tends to not put much stock in her scams and often messes up the facts and doesn't care) that it has a little more substance than usual. The doctors however, cannot find a single thing wrong with her other than her symptoms. She lives off a diet of candy and chips that she has stolen from various stores around the city. She occasionally eats a peanut butter sandwich but only if my mother will supply her with the bread and peanut butter. Or a meal at a resteraunt, as long as someone else buys it for her. She refused blood transfusions until she was hospitalized and told to either get them or stop wasting the doctors time (in kinder words) but she refuses so much else. She won't take care of her body through diet and exercise. Because she 'hurts so much' and as for food....I don't freaking know.
It hurts my mum deeply that I can't gather up the emotion to feel bad for her. And it bothers me as well. She is literally the only person in the whole wide world I feel like this about. I will give my last $5 to buy a homeless man a sandwich.....I wouldn't give it to my sister. It makes me feel like a monster.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
My uncle was convicted when I was 10. He was caught in his sons bedroom. When I was 13 he was stabbed in prison and he died shortly thereafter. It fractured the relationship my aunt had with the family for a long time. She felt very responsible and couldn't understand why she didn't know. I never blamed her. Over time she has gained a healthy relationship with most of her family and she has remarried. My sister did blame her. And now they can be in the same room, and my sister is civil, but as soon as we leave she goes on and on about how our aunt didn't know. It's messed up....but it is true that it's hardest to see what is under your nose. Plus, my aunt was a career woman who was active in her church. When she was working (she worked dispatch at a police station, often working twelve hour shifts) our uncle was left alone with the kids. All the kids loved him and he always had pockets full of candy and fun songs to sing. Hindsight says there was a reason for that.....but as a child...it's like your favorite adult has come to visit! So no one ever said anything. I have no idea how many kids there were. I never asked. I don't care to know. It's over and done with....my life can't stop at that moment in time or nothing happens except turning in circles around that one pivotal moment.
I have told my mom that I won't enable my sister. She knows my lines. I will go to my sisters house for a brief visit, I will sit and have a coffee with her at a caf, I will allow her to play in my backyard with my daughter and foster son(that's a WHOLE NOTHER can of worms!!) under close supervision, and I have gone to open NA meetings in an attempt to support her. I will NOT lend her money, allow her in my house, past the entry way, allow her to spend time with my child or my foster child alone (she actually isn't allowed to spend time with foster son alone as per CPS rules anyway.....like I said, whole nother can), listen to her whine endlessly about things she can change and refuses too, or baby her.
I also will never go to counselling with her. While in prison she was forced in to mandatory counselling. While in there she wrote me some letters. In one letter she stated that her therapist told her that once she had apologized to me that any hurt feelings or negative inklings I had were all on my shoulders and she bore no responsibility for past actions anymore. Her apology???? 'Sorry for all the things, real and imagined, that you think I did to you as a child'. She now thinks she no longer has any responsibility for anything she did. Over two thirds she claims I made up. I have scars from her, physical proof, that she tells me I must of got somewhere else. She told me the cigarette burns must of come from playing with a lighter, the scar above my lip where she shoved me face first in to a curb? That came from some play ground somewhere. The scar inside my lip where she smacked my face off of a stove and knocked out a front tooth, causing it to cut my mouth open....that happened while I was playing outside too. In fact, almost all my injuries caused by her happened outside in her mind.
But...I've heard stories from other atheists. Sad that some people would be more okay with the drinking than an atheist...
Wonderful values they've got (sarc). As the saying goes...when people show you who they are...believe them.
Would you consider an intervention for her??
I think probably the therapist in prison was talking about offering a sincere apology and that once she did whether you chose to accept it or not was up to you
He perception of what was done to her and the other children will be that of a child and our perception is our reality.... if she hasn't truly done the work in therapy there has been no healing and you're right she probably does use it now as a way to gain what she wants however it still helped to shape in a big way who she is now
I would talk to your mom about stopping what she's doing as it's keeping your sister sick... She needs to bottom out and perhaps losing all of her family will push her in the right direction
In an intervention what is often said is "There in nothing I won't do to help you get sober however there is nothing that I will do to help you stay sick"
I know you're very angry... Addiction can be such a frustrating illness as the behaviour is outrageous
Maybe if she knows she'll lose her whole family if she doesn't change... It will give her the reason that she needs to seek help... She isn't having a good time...Her brain is just plain messed up right now
You're NOT a monster.
Or put another way, if you are a monster...so am I.
Could she be dying? Yes. Malnutrition and alcoholism can definitely do that. She could also have permanent brain damage.
You've got a child of your own, and her boyfriend's son (your foster child) to think of.
Is your brother still raising her daughter? The girl has to be near or over 18 now? Her well being matters too.
Isn't it strange that her daughter has to be nearing the age you were, when you took the girl in when you were 21.
The daughter who lived with me when I was 21 turns 20 this year. She lived with my brother for a short bit, then me, then went in to foster care and then my took her in permenantly. She actually has a daughter herself now, a six month old girl, but sadly she is dealing with post partum and is falling back in to her mothers life....and it's not healthy for her or her baby.
I have no doubt my sister has brain damage. She was always off balance. She knocked out my front teeth because I made a comment about what she was eating. She burned me with cigarettes because I wouldn't smoke (remember, I'm 8 years younger), locked me in a closet because she was 'sick of my face', tied me to a chair and snapped and burned my favorite toys in front of me. But since the drug use she's more....fractured for lack of a better word. The sinister person is still there, but she is more manipulative and her highs and lows come more frequently. As well she steals more, lies more, and is CONSTANTLY threatening suicide. To the point now where no one even bats an eye. Sometimes it's as often as twice a week.
Something I realized I neglected to mention is that my sister is bipolar. She was diagnosed as a teen. Medication is a hard balance to find and she decided she didn't want to try at first. When she was in her twenties she finally agreed to try....and then started self medicating with drugs before she gave any medication a chance. Now she is a documented addict. Meaning that doctors have to be much more careful with what she is prescribed. And due to her health issues on top of that she is not being medicated for the bipolar more than anti depressants and mood stabilizers. They wont prescribe her pain pills and sadly my mom supplies her with ones my mom was given for her debilitating condition. She just had a blood transfusion because her iron levels are so low. That I know is true and not made up as they don't give you transfusions for fun. But no doctor can figure out why her iron is so low.
Obviously you aren't a bad person or a monster. You stated that she has abused you in the past, so that could have a lot to do with your feelings towards her.
Her side of things... was she abused as a child? Did anyone rape her or was she subjected to something similar? Because from her behavior it seems that she was SEVERELY traumatized as a child. Healthy children do not want to burn their siblings or lock them in closets.
She must have been traumatized in some way.
Is anyone trying to see that she receives help? I really do think that she needs professional help. She deserves it.