Family Issues Support Group

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Mother-in-law keeps insulting my race.

mrfrank82
mrfrank82

My wife’s mother keeps saying mean things about men and women from USA. Basically, she dislikes americans because of what she sees in the media about our racism issues and attitudes during distressing times. I try to convince her that every country has problems like that with locals and people in all shapes and sizes but she just won’t listen. She believes that all americans are gun-loving and racist freaks that do nothing but spread war and hatred. How can I convince her otherwise? I’d love to have a great relationship with her but I don’t see that happening.

soulsearcher83
soulsearcher83
It isn't your job to convince her. I find it ironic that she calls all of us Americans racist when that's actually exactly what she's being. You will not change her. She will only change if she wants to change. I wouldn't even waste my energy. What does your spouse say about it? If anything, they are the one that should be having a conversation with her and telling her that what she says about you and your country is inappropriate and not welcome.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I think that your 'wife' needs to have a firm sit down with her mother IMHO

In a family setting I think that the people who's family's are 'acting out' in some form should be dealing with 'their' family

Why isn't your wife speaking up??..... This is in no way okay....... What happens if you have children?

If it were me I would let your wife know that" you need to stand up to your mom or I won't be going there anymore".... This would upset me a great deal

You are her (your wife's )family now

This is hateful and ugly..... I am so sorry that you're being subjected to this

And soulsearcher is right..... She's being the racist.... and it seems she's baiting you??....

IMHO your wife shouldn't be tolerating this and then you won't be.... Other then that I would not be seeing her on any regular basis

And if you do have children I wouldn't want them subjected to bigotry and hatred .... I think you need to take a stand to stop this BS

It's also really hard to listen to someone be disrespectful to your country.... I'm Canadian and I'm proud of it and most people feel like that about where they're from

She's being very disrespectful ....

She's entitled to think how she wants to but saying these things to you is sort of cruel to both you and her daughter .... Why would she want to hurt her daughter's husband??..... thus hurt her daughter?

Big hug......xo
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
How to deal with a racist family member

https://www.thoughtco.com/how-to-handle-racist-family-member-2834790

There is also a Healthy Relationships board that might be of help to you.....xo

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/healthy-relationships
pink310
pink310
It is not your place to convince the mother. your wife needs to tell her mother to stop because it's stereotyping and disrespectful she has to stand up and defend you. it's terrible to go through something like that and to not have that one person, your wife, have your back can be frustrating and you want to be respectful but you feel like you cannot. I'm saying this because I been through the same thing where my boyfriend mother disrespected me multiple of times however my boyfriend and his father stood up for me. it was hard to remain respectful so now I just keep my distance. I know one day we will have to see each other but ill cross that bridge when I get there. your wife has to be the one that does the convincing.
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