my aunt died the other week. she didn't much care about my elder brother as he upset her when he didnt invite her a few years ago to his bbq yet invited his other aunt who isnt his blood aunt. now all through my life my brother has been golden boy where my mum is concerned . my aunt made my brother,me and my mum trustees .we are not a big family and she had no children of her own. which to me means all 3 of us should make decisions together. but today i got upset when my mum rang and said she couldnt book the hotel she wanted for the wake(3 minutes from the cemetery) so instead had booked a hotel which is 5 miles away and they was going to look at it tomorrow and she wanted immediate family only and it was a sit down meal. by they they meant my brother as well as he had suggested this hotel. she didn't ask if i wanted to go along to look at it with them just said it was ok when i said i wanted to go as well to look.i was quite upset she didn't think to include me on choosing somewhere else . then she told me how many she was inviting, my uncle (my mums brother in law) who never had much to do with my aunt for years. my aunt (mums sister in law) who my late aunt didnt like because she upset my aunt once. and they would not be immediate family in my opinion. so i said about my own sons and my mum said "there is too many of them" i have 3 sons ,one i wouldn't ask anyway as we don't get on,but my other 2 sons and their partners would be upset not to be included. i had to persuade my mum to invite them .i was so upset she saw this aunt and uncle as immediate family and not my sons. my aunt and uncle are in no way related to my late aunt.so i said to my mum i took it my brothers daughter wasn't going either then.she is the golden niece.
she said she didnt think so. eventually she agreed to invite my boys but i couldn't imagine her not letting my brother bring his daughter if he wanted to. so as you can guess i'm upset about this. i don't really think a sit down meal for immediate family is the proper way to hold a wake. but when i suggested a nice local pub and a nice buffet so my late aunts friends could attend i was told no the decision had been made. like my partner said it seems my mum is inviting who she wants there not considering what my late aunt would want. its not like my mum is paying for it as it is coming out of my aunts estate. basically my brother has took over ,he never bothered with my aunt even when she was in hospital he only went a few times . i was very close to my aunt and i am devastated at losing her . during the last few months of my aunts life she was very unhappy(before her stroke) her partner of 22 years came to visit her in hospital in july when she was in with something else and said he didnt want to look after her and he was leaving her and said she should go in a old folks home which upset her.then everytime he visited her after that he would say the same thing. so this time when she had her stroke the family made the decision to stop him visiting her. she couldn't even speak but only look at us. when she got a bad chest infection and things wasn't looking good there was my parents my brother and me there.i waited for them to go out the ward ,just said casually to my aunt i should think she was tired and to my surprise she nodded her head . so i held her hand and asked if she wanted to see her ex partner she pulled my hand up to her and nodded i asked her again just to make sure she did the same thing. i was really happy my aunt at last had communicated. i went out to my parents and brother and told them but my brother said "strange you waited until we left the ward" in other words calling me a liar. when i talked to mum without him there she said she was staying neutral but if we wanted to ask her ex partner to see my aunt we could,in other words she wouldn't stand up to my brother . but afterwards said she was glad she got to see her ex partner shortly before she died. but i was angry at my brother trying to deny the wishes of my dying aunt .now i'm dreading the funeral .i don't know what to do if i try standing up for myself my brother speaks to me like i'm a naughty child,i'm 54 he is 57.