Sometimes, you have to play dirty. I hate to go there but if you know anything about her past or present, people who can claim she is too unstable to make these decisions and ask the court to either appt you guardian over him or some else altogether. Chances are she just wants money or to drive you nuts and when she loses both, she will leave.

It is a shame to have to go to that level but...........it id what the other person made it and now you need her to know you are not about to be anyone's doormat.

Tigg2 Kelig, your both right. Yes he asked for me last night! He is cognitive now. He can make decisions for himself. She really can't say much anymore, but she will be up there today. And I have chosen to stay home. I told the nurse to tell him that I love him and that I will be back. But with his bitchy daughter she might say stuff like, we haven't seen her in awhile, (portraying me as a cheater or something) she would make him believe that I wasn't there. But all he has to do is ask the nurses and they will tell him she has been here everyday since the accident so he will know.

At this point in juncture, I have confirmed with the help of friends and people who are dear to me that she is just 100% narcissistic and although I love my fiance, i hate to see it but he's not far behind on that.

I have not only dealt with her but his issues of hitting me and here i am at his side taking care of him. When he gets mad he gets what he wants and that's why i havn't left, but now that this has happened i think it's a blessing in disguise.

His bitch of a daugther can have him.

Mad, I'm sorry to say this, but you are not making any sense. You say she's not pushing your buttons, yet you are "madashell."

You say he loves you, but will take her side. You say you will nurse him back to health, but THEN give an ultimatum? You will let her control the situation, yet play hardball later?

If he's conscious, then you should be able to tell him the deal NOW. Why nurse him back to health only to press him later. That, to me, would be more harsh...

You seem young. He's got to be at last 40. Are you a younger woman for him? Maybe she's jealous because you have replaced her in the daughter role???

lol no deliAnnum im 47! I'm madashell because that was almost 3 years i made up that name, they don't allow you to change your name on here, but I am just voicing how I feel, I am under a lot of stress, therefore I am trying to figure out what to do. I agree not nursing him back to health because as you said, it will only hurt him later, and I will be wasting my time up there, why would I go all out for him to nurse him back to health if my plan is to leave all along? I just don't feel he needs that stress, I'm torn.

But one thing I am not torn on is him making a decision either her or me, and I know he will choose her. She was given up by the system because her mother abandoned her, so he lost parental rights, but I'm thinking if you do the crime, you do the time. He apparently has no concept of that. He got in trouble and was sent to prison. His daugther looked for him and found him again and he will never lose her again, that's what he always says.

So after the way she treated me I'm ready to move on, it will never change, she will always be his daugther and a major thorn in my side.

I had a nice gift i was making for her and her baby, but it's in the trash now. All her pictures will disappear, she is no longer a part of my life. I'm trying to hold back in throwing his pictures of her and him away.

I am mad because he never nipped in the bud from the beginning. I think he holds some responsibility in how she treats me because it doesn't stop.

Im not cold hearted but you treat me like that and i can be cold as ice.

I understand how you feel. My husband has kids that hate me. Thankfully he is my husband and I will have the power if anything ever happens to him. Your story is why everyone needs to have a living will. He could name you POA if he wanted to.
You never did mention if he is unconscious?
I am an ICU nurse.....let me give you a piece of advice on that. If he is unconscious/medically sedated or in a coma from injury and he is on a vent unaware that you are there anyway, then stay home. Drop in to check on him once a day. You don't need to be there to care for him. The ICU nurse does that. in the ICU the bedside belongs to the nurse. There is no where for family to stand or sit for prolonged periods of time. Your in the way and the drama that the daughter is causing is not helping either. Show that you are the better one and stay out of her drama. If you are planning on leaving when he gets well anyway, then there must have been problems before this happened. Is there a chance he may not make it? How serious is this I am wondering? If he does make it, and the two of you stay together, you both need to think about who you want making decisions for you when you can't make them yourself. Take care and I hope this all works out for you all.

That makes more sense now, mad...

Well, I'd say you've kind of made up your mind. I'd just leave him at this point.

This ICU thing may have been a blessing. I think you're dodging a bullet by ending it.

Sorry.

I know I do too, and it sux because I really love the guy. We have been together 2 years, he wants to get married, and he is soooo good to me and my kids, he really is, but the constant fights we have had, the hitting, the constant back and forth of wills, he has a tendancy to throw a fit when he doesn't get what he wants, like his daughter, I feel like I am figthing with 2 children. It's so ridiculous. Since this accident happened, he has hit me 2 times, with all our fights.

IF I leave now, I hate to say this but fucking karma's a bitch. He got what he deserved by treating me like shit and taking his daughters side all the time. I am so done with those 2, I don't know if I should go up there with my screen shots of his daugther talking about me on FB to show him what i am talking about or should I just let it go, go up there explain to him why im leaving and when he's better, she can come get his ass, and they can live their happily ever after, trailer trash park lifestyle and leave me out of it. I go back and forth, I hate him and I love him. It's so damn hard. But, do I want to live like this for the rest of my life, Hell to the No. And she is pregnant and we will have to visit that baby and I don't care too at all.

I am done!!!!

i really feel bad about all this, I believe that under these tests and trials our true selves come out. By me leaving I not only show the world how inhumane I could be to leave the love of my life, at his time of need. That's why it's so necessary to set boundaries, I set so many and he overstepped them so many times. If i had more respect for myself, I probably wouldn't be sitting here talking about this, because the relationship would have ended the first time he choked me and hit me. I can't believe I am sitting here feeling helpless and at the same time feeling like, you got what you deserve, it's so mean and heartless, but I use to tell him you need to slow down, now I wonder if he understands what I meant.

He has been asking for me and I told him I would be there tomorrow. Please tell me what should I do, should I go, should I stay home, everyone looks at your moves in these kinds of situations, they wonder how come she is going out to eat while her fiance lays helpless, they dont' know the history. Someone said it right there were issues before this accident, but my God, I didn't expect it to come to this. A lot of you have asked is he unconscience and the answer to that now is no. He opened his eyes on Friday and now is understanding everything. when I posted this he was still sleeping.

His daugther spent the whole day with him today so now it looks like I'm not there but she is, who really loves him, but he has no idea. That's why I printscreened her comments from fb so he could see I'm not making it up and I have texts to show him too, so he will know.

If he comes back to me, hu then I dont' know at this point, it's not much of a fairy tale when your prince charming is hitting you.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I have to say this because I have to keep telling myself, Self-he hit you!!! Why are you loyal!!!!???? Why are you feeling bad for his behavior???? Why didn't I leave when my instincts told me too??? Why do we ignore that inner person inside of us that says, GEt the fuck out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????

The truth will set you freee!!!!!!!

I'd look at it the other way...

You leaving him now is HIS karma for treating you like crap.

You are an enabler girl !!!! Stop this now. We can't change how people treat us but we can stop allowing it to happen. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking hitting is OK? How do you think this atmosphere is affecting them? Kids see way more than we think they see.

Here is my solution. I would go there today and calmly tell him that you think it would be best for him to go home with his daughter. That you two do not get along and it would not be good for anyone for all three of you to be together.

I'm guessing that he is living with you in your home? I would then deliver his belongings to his daughters house and explain to her that she needs to take care of her dad. When he is recovered you can meet him somewhere neutral and explain that the experience in the hospital made you realize how much he loves his daughter and she loves him and you won't come between that.

Be prepared for them to be angry, nasty, vile. It really doesn't matter. Unfriend her and him on FB and anywhere else. Then get on with your life.

Yes tigg that is the best answer yet. I joined coda but all this happened in the midst of it and I stopped going. I like the way you put it because that's exactly how I would do it if I were to do it.

Thank you deliannum I do think this is his karma. What a tragedy for this all to take place as it has.

They will see me as the big baby that walked away I don't care what they see deep in his heart he will know the truth.

and another way to look at this is, I can actually walk away with more confidence because walking away from something like this takes a lot of guts. Who would do this in their right mind?. You usually see this shit in the movies. I'm sure some people would see it as weak, but if you have been in the realtionship I have been in, you would see this is my time to escape. He can't stop me now. I have an escape route.

It also gives me an opportunity to keep going to CoDa, get my shit together, so that one day I will be a whole person for the man who really will love me and my children. My fiance has all that down, except the hitting part. He can't control his temper, especially when he can't get his way.

CoDa has a meeting tonight I may attend, I am at home now and I was supposed to go back to the hospital but I can't bring myself to go. How bad is that?

Don't go. Go to the meeting. You need to take care of you!!!

Be prepared to hear all kinds of nasty accusations. They mean nothing. His daughter will be happy she won until she realizes that she has to take care of daddy dearest :) I'd love to see her face when that reality sets in.

Use your time today to pack up his crap and then message her saying it will be on her doorstep this afternoon. The sooner you cut the ties the better. Don't give him any excuse to come back to your home.

You might want to write a short note to him explaining that he doesn't need any more drama in his life at this time and you realize that his daughter needs to come first for him. Give it to a nurse to give to him...do not see him in person.

Things happen in life for a reason. We just need to look carefully so we find the reason. Do whatever you need to do to break free from this guy.

Oh Boy, oh boy, oh boy! I think my advice would have been much different had I known a bit more of the background where your fiance is involved.

I'm changing my advice here to move in the opposite direction and leave this man. I think you realize on your own that it is not okay for any person to put their hands on another so with that said and especially what you have to endure with the daughter, it's time to make a break.

If the person you are going to marry, doesn't respect you, doesn't show you support in relationship boundaries and is physically abusive which I'm sure the verbal abuse exists there also; there's no relationship there. How any person can profess their love for another and then strike them, literally makes me sick!

You can do better than this and I would suggest using this opportunity to make a move away from that situation.