My mother was not what I wanted her to be. She loved me, put me on a pedestal. Favored me over my brother. He noticed it and that caused problems in our relationship. Begging her to stop being obvious about or stop period didn't help. I was angry at her for many years because of her actions in some areas and refusal to act in others. She died near a year ago. I was angry with her till she died.
But she was shaped by her own childhood, personality, and mental problems. I also find it difficult to accept her as she was. She caused a lot of stress and problems in my life that weren't necessary.

Big hug for you Enchant..... My dad never liked me much and so I understand not getting what you believe you need from them and it's painful
It's great that you're working with a therapist.... In time hopefully you'll be able to move on to a healthy place for you.... I understand the hurt..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo

I am sorry that you haven't had the kind of mom that you needed most of your life. I didn't either, and in general was just treated like I didn't exist. It's hard to love someone and not be loved back. I also keep finding myself hoping that things will be different someday. Maybe I'm fooling myself too. I am going through a book called "Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters". It has been good for me. But I'm in the same boat with you, just have a hard time letting go and moving on.

I read your post and I felt like I could relate...My mom lost her mother at 14 and so around 13 years of age, I felt like the rug of my mom was pulled out from underneath her. I have two younger brothers, both have medical/anger/academic issues. My mom loves them more. I try to have a relationship with her, I try to put myself in her shoes and understand that she doesn't know how to be a mom to a 14-32 year old because she never had hers...but it doesn't help me. She always tells me I'm too sensitive, too emotional, which I don't necessarily see as a bad thing, but when you are told majority of your life they are wrong, then they are wrong! I too have been told by therapists that I will have to grieve (yes grieve) the mother that I want and lost and accept the one I have. I'm trying in my own way to do that, but how do you do that? It plays a HUGE roll on our family dynamics in general. My brothers and I are all grown and have spouses and kids. My mom watches my niece every weekend, sometimes all weekend. I think it is wrong, therefore I don't drop my son off much. She doesn't understand why I get frustrated...if I do need her to watch my son or help me, she is busy with my brothers. It is a hard road and nobody gets it. All my friends/family think she is wonderful....all I see is someone who won't love me, and when I try to open up and talk about things or my life, I'm always in the wrong and too sensitive/emotional. I feel for you. It is different, but I can relate! I hope things get better, a therapist does help to give ideas and just vent.

There is a community group on here called "Daughters of Abusive Mothers" that I've recently joined. It would be nice to have any/all of you in that group as well.

Yes all of the time and I had therapy for this issue. I was ready to break free when all of a sudden she wants to act like the perfect mother and I don't know how to handle it to be honest. It's really weird!

That first sentence struck a chord with me. I feel the same thing is happening to me. My parents idolize image for the image I am supposed to have. My dad made me work out when I was 11 or 12 and my family makes fun of my weight and my opinion was never legitimate when it came to my problems. They didnt care what cane out of my mouth as long as i was living to their image

Now my brother is going through the same shit. He is angry and no one asks him why or calm him down. They ignore his problems. Hell, he even knew who Hillary Clinton was, and I'm just confounded because he's a kid, he should not had to have dealt with those ideas. Also, he was a part of two soccer teams during fall of 2016. My parents said he had a choice, but i doubt that he wanted to be apart of two teams. They also believe he could be autistic because he acts different. And anytime i jump in, i'm told i am not a parent. Im not, but I want to help.