Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I cut off my family about 1 month ago. I feel at peace and times and then I feel guilty. A couple days ago there was a holiday that we usually get together as a family and didn't because of this fight we have. I didn't even get a phone call from anyone.
Just to recap what happen. I'm 38 years old married with children. My dad married my step-mom when I was 4 and my sister was 3. Never met my birth mom because I was brain washed to believe she abandoned us and was a whore. My step-mom for years would treat me differently than my other siblings. Causing fights for my dad to hate me. This last straw was it for me.
My dad was mad at me because I was in contact with my birth a couple years ago. I didn't tell my step-mom only because he asked me not to say anything. Two years later he tells step-mom and she flips out. That I am ungrateful and what a waste of time by raising me. (I was married at eighteen.) My kids will be F'd up because they know the truth, blah, blah, blah. I tried convincing her that I loved her no matter what but she had nothing to do with it. Went as far as to kiss her hands.
When I called my dad and asked him why would he cause problems between us he replied because I told her to divorce him. My jaw dropped never in my life would I say something like that. But knowing my step-monster she is known to lie and manipulate. Went as far as to say that one time I pushed her down and stepped on her. I am 125lbs and she 250 lbs. So my dad hung up in my face and that was it. Haven't spoke to him.
I thought I was going to die. I am a family person have children of my own. I'm very protective of my children and this kind of behaviour is not acceptable especially around them. My half-siblings and full sister have no back-bone so they all stand by her. Saying that I have back-stabbed her by being in contact with my birth mom. It is my right and my life and no-one elses.
I sometimes feel depressed and alone and feel I just want to disappear. Then I look at my children and say what would they do if something were to happen to me. May god give me strength to get through today and everyday.
Thank you reading and letting me vent. I really needed that today. God bless to all. A word of advice for those who are thinking of cutting off family. Only you know when is the best time. Because the time you feel like there is coup against you and garbage is talked about you and only negative attitudes are around you. That is the time to say I need to control my life and add to my life love, not hate.
Just to recap what happen. I'm 38 years old married with children. My dad married my step-mom when I was 4 and my sister was 3. Never met my birth mom because I was brain washed to believe she abandoned us and was a whore. My step-mom for years would treat me differently than my other siblings. Causing fights for my dad to hate me. This last straw was it for me.
My dad was mad at me because I was in contact with my birth a couple years ago. I didn't tell my step-mom only because he asked me not to say anything. Two years later he tells step-mom and she flips out. That I am ungrateful and what a waste of time by raising me. (I was married at eighteen.) My kids will be F'd up because they know the truth, blah, blah, blah. I tried convincing her that I loved her no matter what but she had nothing to do with it. Went as far as to kiss her hands.
When I called my dad and asked him why would he cause problems between us he replied because I told her to divorce him. My jaw dropped never in my life would I say something like that. But knowing my step-monster she is known to lie and manipulate. Went as far as to say that one time I pushed her down and stepped on her. I am 125lbs and she 250 lbs. So my dad hung up in my face and that was it. Haven't spoke to him.
I thought I was going to die. I am a family person have children of my own. I'm very protective of my children and this kind of behaviour is not acceptable especially around them. My half-siblings and full sister have no back-bone so they all stand by her. Saying that I have back-stabbed her by being in contact with my birth mom. It is my right and my life and no-one elses.
I sometimes feel depressed and alone and feel I just want to disappear. Then I look at my children and say what would they do if something were to happen to me. May god give me strength to get through today and everyday.
Thank you reading and letting me vent. I really needed that today. God bless to all. A word of advice for those who are thinking of cutting off family. Only you know when is the best time. Because the time you feel like there is coup against you and garbage is talked about you and only negative attitudes are around you. That is the time to say I need to control my life and add to my life love, not hate.
Obviously your step-mom and dad have their own problems. But that is between them. And if your step-mom would lie and your dad believed that lie then that is their problem. You tell them you never said that and that's it.
When some time has passed you should invite everyone to your home for a get-together. Choose the time and place of interacting with your family and you can have a happy relationship.
Of course you are entitled to contact your birth mom. She's your bio mom for Pete's sake. I hope that connection is good for you.
Your step-mom is a piece of work. She doesn't own you - neither does your father. You don't owe them anything re a relationship with another person especially your own bio mom.
I'm so sorry your family is giving you a hard time. You don't deserve to be treated this way. This is your life - and you get to decide who is in your life - irrespective of your step-mother's needs.
We cannot live our lives according to the needs of others. Be true to yourself - and good for you for wanting to find your bio mom.....who wouldn't want to know the person who gave birth to them?
I'm not saying that you should hide but you should look for new things to do with your family. Try to focus on them and let your parents stay on the outside for a while. Some day if things change you can start to include them again.
It can be very difficult at times. I have been working with my therapist for the past year to deal with the grieving and loss process and coming to terms with my choice. I am a firm believer that the day you decide to put your mental health and happiness first, is the day that you become free. Only being a month in, if you decide to change your mind that's O.K. and if you decide to make your divorce permanent that's O.K. too.
I am always here if you need to vent because I know EXACTLY what your going through and cant tell you whats ahead..
Be Blessed
I choosetobeme thanks again I sent you a hug and a message. Hopefully you got it.
Thanks friends!!
@ cxmagmajxc...you are right it will be hard but I'm sure I will forget them soon.
@ earlydawn.... I agree at times you need to choose your health or people that are trying to destroy you. I chose my health. I believe no-body really changes even if we were to reconcile they will still abuse emotionally. I have had it I'm so much at peace now. Thanks for adding me as a friend I hope we can help each other at this time of need.
@p00hbear....I know what you mean. I worry about that too one day. If something happens to my dad how will I live with myself. But I have to not worry about that now. I need to get better. Thank you for your kind words.
@Carrisamr...I like the way you address your situation to people. Have to cut the dysfunction branches of your family tree. My only regret is that I wish I cut them off long time ago. I now hate the word family and when I watch movies with mothers, fathers and how they treat there children good or bad I turn off the TV. I'm so hurt that I just want to forget and start a new life with my immediate family (husband and kids) only.
I wish all you my kind friends all the best and I appreciate each and every one of you for your kind words and support. I look forward to connecting and following everyone of you. This board really does make you feel that you are not alone that there are people in the same situation which is great. I think if I didn't connect with you all I would be so depressed and not be able to function. Thank you again!
"Really?? How?? We are FAMILY here ??
Don't say you didn't get my text for Eid either wishing you Eid Mubarak!!! I didn't expect a response but REALLY!!!??? I thought maybe you would try and contact at least Mom for Eid. Whether she welcomes it or not, I cannot speak for her but at least a reach out I would have expected from you. She is the victim here not you. FACE THE MUSIC and then DEAL!
I gave you space but this is now ridiculous.
We always said we never wanted to have our children raised without seeing their cousins as we did and what are you doing? Why do you have to be like this? You always say that you are the oldest and want to be respected and followed but you are not setting the right example to earn the respect you feel you deserve.
You have the beef with Mom and Dad - grow up and deal with it once and for all. You need to mold to deal with their lifestyle and behaviour.....you cannot change anyone. You made a mistake(s)...fess up and DEAL with. I know you tried but remember everyone process hurt and shock differently.
If you are not liking what you are hearing.....voice it.....if you are being wronged......speak up........if truth of your mistakes are surfacing.....admit them and apologize. Shutting out is making you look really bad and especially if your true intentions were clean.
This is your choice however so if this is how you want things between your siblings and your only parents that are worth your efforts, then so be it but remember YOUR CHOICE!
Just explain one thing to me, what do your sisters and brothers have to do with any of this?
I hope you come to your senses real soon and reconnect with the ONLY FAMILY you have outside of your own of course. Nothing is more important in life. Friends are loaned and as you once said, friends have expiry dates.......FAMILY DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT!
I truly hope your children and family are all in good health and safe."
I really want to respond and tell her to F--off but I'm giving them too much satisfaction. I am not in a place where I want to be. I have to work on myself again. I wish I could disappear.
Keep doing what you are doing. Once you are in a really good place and feeling secure you will have time to look back and decide if there is any place in your life for members of your family. But for now keep your focus on you alone.
So, I say to you: Trust your gut. Know what you want. Refuse to accept anything less. While it's possible that a reunion may come around, don't make that your goal. These kinds of things are based on people who will miss your contribution to the family. If they never step back and realize the mistake, it's not your problem. Keep yourself surrounded by those who do enjoy your company.