jeniq

About Me

My story starts when I was four years old, along with my sister who was a year younger than I. My father cheated on my mother who now is my step-mother. In our religion the man is allowed to marry two at the same time. Well, it didn\'t sit well with my mom and she decided to leave. She tried to take us with her, but was unsuccessful since my dad was the controlling type. He used to physically abuse my mom and cut her. Until one day my mother couldn\'t take it anymore and decided to run away. My grandfather sent her a ticket and she flew back to her country. She was ill to her stomach of leaving us but my father wouldn\'t give us up. My step-mom was wealthy and my father wanted to stick by her side for financial reasons.My mother on many occasions reasoned and pleaded with him to bring us back to her and he refused. Years after I think at the age of 10 , I had found a picture of mom and asked who this lady was and was told that she was an aunt. I had no idea what my mother looked like and believed my step-mom was my real mom. I lived a lie and told everybody that I was the same nationality as my step-mom which I wasn\'t. I was in denial for so long living a lie and telling everybody a lie. After the questioning I felt my world change. My step-mom became meaner and causing trouble between my father and I. She had created a wall between us and manipulated every move to make it out like I was the trouble maker. Always telling me that she aborted a son and missed out on a honeymoon to take care of my sister and I. My step-mom and dad had three kids and were treated differently than I. My full sister was easily brainwashed and manipulated. She would always bring step-mom flowers and buy her love with money. Until this day she buys step-mom vacations and pays for her clothes and hair to keep step-mom loving her. Well, with me I really didn\'t owe her anything. Yes, I appreciate her taking care of us but really she did it for my father not for me. Thought of her as a nanny never did she show me any kind of affection. I also think she did it more for her conscience. One time when I was 12 we went to visit her family in her country and she turned to me and said, \" We are in my country now.\". She used to always pull my hair for no reason but to clean. I didn\' t have friends and didn\'t go anywhere. I never see her treat her children like that. I guess I was a reminder of what she did. The main reason for me to find my birth mom was after my mother -in-law died. By the way my MIL had contact and was sending information to my birth mom about me. So this is why my step-mom flipped my MIL couldn\'t report anything anymore so she felt like she could get away with murder. There was an incident involving my half sister (step-moms only daughter) and step-mom. The half sister who I will call Jane called me and invited my husband and I to her husband\'s brother\'s wedding. I asked simply if her husband can call my husband and invite him out of respect for my husband. She and step-mom made such a big deal and caused such a commotion. \"I am sorry it was just a suggestion!\" I said, but they didn\'t have it. They added so much drama where it was not needed that lasted a couple of weeks. I went over to Jane\'s house to resolve things (wish I didn\'t) and that\'s when step-mom went berserk and started yelling \" You were alway\'s jealous of your sister you hate her, you hate me.\" just yelling non-sense. She faked a heart attack and was lying on the floor. Which she always does to get attention. Jane turned to me and yelled, \"Get out, Get out!!\" My daughter was 3 years old at the time and didn\'t appreciate that she had to witness that, till this day it breaks my heart. As I grabbed her I was shaking the whole way to the car. I get in the car and tell my father. He was furious, \"How dare they kick my daughter out I will show them.\" he says. We went 1 month not speaking until my father called my husband and asked for me to meet for a reconciliation. My husband told my father to go easy on me since I was pregnant in my first trimester. I get to their house and sit down. My father starts on me that I have changed and became one of those old ladies in the soap operas. WHAT??? That there is absolutely nothing wrong with a sister kicking out another sister out of her house. WHAT????? Then it turns out that step-monster told him that I had pushed her on the ground and stepped on her. I am 125lbs and she is 200lbs. Picture that!!! What a lie I have never layed a hand on another soul in my life. I never had to even spanked my own children. Anyways, yelling back and forth I couldn\'t take it anymore they were all against me including my full sister. I went to the bathroom to break down. A week later I miscarried a girl in my 12th week. I had never felt so alone in my life and that was the main reason for finding my birth mom. They had me engaged at an early age of 14 and married at 18. I am still married to the same man but find myself of the verbal abuse and mental abuse I endured, that my marriage sometimes struggles and he doesn\'t understand why. When my husband belittles me I\'m just not accepting of it and will not speak to him for 1 week. I seem to shut people out that are the closest. Don\'t know why. I have 5 beautiful children. They are my rock and reason for living. The oldest is 19 and my youngest is 4. God Bless them I am so proud of them and want to teach them the true meaning of love in a family. Though I am a working process myself. A couple of years ago I reunited with my birth mom. She was ecstatic to her from me. She has a son from her second marriage and he seems like a sweet darling. When I introduced myself to him he said he knew who I was. Because mom always spoke of my sister and I all the time. He is now 28 and can\'t wait to see him. The relationship with my mom hasn\'t been better she has come down to visit us and had a great time. She couldn\'t be herself because of all the bad memories she experienced. I didn\'t feel a bond with her right away, until this present time. Whilst she was visiting us I mentioned to my sister that she was here and to keep it quiet from step-mom so that she wouldn\'t be upset. Oh, by the way it was my fathers idea not to say anything to step-mom because it will upset her he claims. My sister did not come and visit her birth mom and says it was no excuse for her to not claim us before. Last year (2011) my father was accused of infidelity once more. Step-mom hired a private investigator and recorded conversations of my dad with another women. He was trying to keep his marriage together and used me as a scapegoat. Went and told her that I have reunited with my birth mom. That is where she blew her lid and pulled her kids and including my full sister and dad against me. I asked her to meet me at public place so she wouldn\'t throw a fake heart attack again. She yelled and screamed, \"I am done with you and your dad! Your kids are going to be f\'ed up!\" and claimed she didn\'t want to be part of my kids lives anymore, to not confuse them. My daughter was there with me at the time and she treated her like an alien. Didn\'t want to touch her. I apologized kissed her and thought we were good until she reached home. There she turned around into an evil conniving soul. Turned the story around said that I said I wished my dad death and nothing of my apology seeped through. I don\'t regret finding my mother and wish things were different but it is true that you can not change anyone but yourself. This is why I have come to this support group to find some ground and help into understanding why are humans treated so unjustly. I am battling severe sensitivity issues, mental depression and anxiety. I hope to overcome this while being on the boards.