Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I cut off my family about 1 month ago. I feel at peace and times and then I feel guilty. A couple days ago there was a holiday that we usually get together as a family and didn't because of this fight we have. I didn't even get a phone call from anyone.
Just to recap what happen. I'm 38 years old married with children. My dad married my step-mom when I was 4 and my sister was 3. Never met my birth mom because I was brain washed to believe she abandoned us and was a whore. My step-mom for years would treat me differently than my other siblings. Causing fights for my dad to hate me. This last straw was it for me.
My dad was mad at me because I was in contact with my birth a couple years ago. I didn't tell my step-mom only because he asked me not to say anything. Two years later he tells step-mom and she flips out. That I am ungrateful and what a waste of time by raising me. (I was married at eighteen.) My kids will be F'd up because they know the truth, blah, blah, blah. I tried convincing her that I loved her no matter what but she had nothing to do with it. Went as far as to kiss her hands.
When I called my dad and asked him why would he cause problems between us he replied because I told her to divorce him. My jaw dropped never in my life would I say something like that. But knowing my step-monster she is known to lie and manipulate. Went as far as to say that one time I pushed her down and stepped on her. I am 125lbs and she 250 lbs. So my dad hung up in my face and that was it. Haven't spoke to him.
I thought I was going to die. I am a family person have children of my own. I'm very protective of my children and this kind of behaviour is not acceptable especially around them. My half-siblings and full sister have no back-bone so they all stand by her. Saying that I have back-stabbed her by being in contact with my birth mom. It is my right and my life and no-one elses.
I sometimes feel depressed and alone and feel I just want to disappear. Then I look at my children and say what would they do if something were to happen to me. May god give me strength to get through today and everyday.
Thank you reading and letting me vent. I really needed that today. God bless to all. A word of advice for those who are thinking of cutting off family. Only you know when is the best time. Because the time you feel like there is coup against you and garbage is talked about you and only negative attitudes are around you. That is the time to say I need to control my life and add to my life love, not hate.
Just to recap what happen. I'm 38 years old married with children. My dad married my step-mom when I was 4 and my sister was 3. Never met my birth mom because I was brain washed to believe she abandoned us and was a whore. My step-mom for years would treat me differently than my other siblings. Causing fights for my dad to hate me. This last straw was it for me.
My dad was mad at me because I was in contact with my birth a couple years ago. I didn't tell my step-mom only because he asked me not to say anything. Two years later he tells step-mom and she flips out. That I am ungrateful and what a waste of time by raising me. (I was married at eighteen.) My kids will be F'd up because they know the truth, blah, blah, blah. I tried convincing her that I loved her no matter what but she had nothing to do with it. Went as far as to kiss her hands.
When I called my dad and asked him why would he cause problems between us he replied because I told her to divorce him. My jaw dropped never in my life would I say something like that. But knowing my step-monster she is known to lie and manipulate. Went as far as to say that one time I pushed her down and stepped on her. I am 125lbs and she 250 lbs. So my dad hung up in my face and that was it. Haven't spoke to him.
I thought I was going to die. I am a family person have children of my own. I'm very protective of my children and this kind of behaviour is not acceptable especially around them. My half-siblings and full sister have no back-bone so they all stand by her. Saying that I have back-stabbed her by being in contact with my birth mom. It is my right and my life and no-one elses.
I sometimes feel depressed and alone and feel I just want to disappear. Then I look at my children and say what would they do if something were to happen to me. May god give me strength to get through today and everyday.
Thank you reading and letting me vent. I really needed that today. God bless to all. A word of advice for those who are thinking of cutting off family. Only you know when is the best time. Because the time you feel like there is coup against you and garbage is talked about you and only negative attitudes are around you. That is the time to say I need to control my life and add to my life love, not hate.
Your sister is hurt, respect it, validate it and move on. You are also hurting too. Decisions are rarely easy, but required! *XOXO*
If she sent me a nice e-mail I would have considered maybe even talking to her somewhere nice. Unfortunately, she doesn't know how to communicate in a nice way due to our upbringing. She has always been taught to be the tough one and complain about everything. She is the one who stands at a customer service counter and argues with the sales associate. Just for you to understand her personality. Therefore, I have accept she is hurt and move on like you state.
My feelings are to just look forward and not back and whatever happens, happens. I'm the creator of my life no-one else. If I want happiness I have to create it.
Sorry for rambling on. You all are so wonderful I can't stress it enough. I hope to support each and every one of you at your time of need. Thanks I will keep you all posted.
Everbody deserves a second chance even my birth mom. I forgave her for not trying hard enough to fight for us when we were younger and also forgave my dad for lying to me all these years. Even though I'm hurt that my family can't accept what I did deep down I still love them. For now I will distance myself from all because I'm happier. You are happy to Gracie and that is what is important. We can not force love from a parent. They either want to be in our life or not. Like you said we just move on. Thanks for your comment.
Anyways, I think you did the right thing but cutting them off. The guilt you feel is completely understandable. I used to feel the same way. However, that fact that you also feel at peace really says a lot! Like you said "I need to control my life and add to my life love, not hate." As far as I'm concerned, life is too short to waste time with negative and nasty people! Hugs and all the best to you!
I'm sorry that they didn't come to your wedding. Don't beat yourself up about it. In my view they lose out on a wonderful time of your life. If they are human they must feel some kind of remorse but are to proud to lower themselves.
If i learned anything about my life. My "parents" seem to feel that they control us and what they say go no matter what age we are. They do not realize we have a life we are our own person. They could choose to be in our lives or they don't.
You sound like you are quite hurt by this like we all are. But we need to forget them since they are in the past and focus on the present (gift). Live for today and be stronger than them. I also found that when I'm hurting they (parents and sibling) do not care. The ones that care are there for you everyday. Love who loves you back. Your parents and my parents will come knocking on our doors one day and realize they were in the wrong. But at least we have moved on and not waited for them to come to us.
Cheers to starting a new life and a new family. Yahhaha