Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I would appreciate some feedback. In 2012 my mother passed away. She was a widow living alone for 14 years in an apartment. I live 300 miles from her. In the months leading up to her death i was travelling to see her a few times a month up until she died at the hospital.
I have one brother. She divorced my father in 1986. All those years later he was willing to help her, but she refused. My mother's mother, passed away in 2010. My mother had depression to compound her physical problems. She was supposed to take medication for pain control etc,. My brother would talk to her like she was the dog. Very condescending. I witnessed it. He wanted POA while she was in the hospital. I am the oldest. He is not a very responsible person and I did not like the idea of him having POA, but he was closest in location to her and someone had to be able to make a decision if needed to I agreed reluctantly.
Long story short, when she passed away, my brother was irate about him having to " deal with her belongings" and I was not around to help. He wanted the power but not the responsibility that goes with POA. After she died POA is gone. I came and rented a truck to empty her apartment. I informed my brother we needed to pay rent, to which he refused. I was going to do my 1/2 and we were going to split the personal belongings of mom. I really did not want that much.
He called me, after drinking the night before we were going to do this. He threatened me by saying he was calling the police on me because he wanted to sue me in probate court over mom's possessions. Therefore, I cannot take anything. So I left with my wife, and went home and hired my own attorney to close the estate. We sent him correspondance to do the same himself. I WAS NOT going to court over $10k in personal property. We gave him a proposal that he gets all of mom's property and split the pictures in 1/2 with me. He dragged his feet for the rest of 2012 doing his side of things to close the estate. He would send nasty emails to my attorney threatening him. We told the other lawyer, get it in gear or else we will file 1/2 with Ohio and you can figure the rest out.
My brother's wife divorced him not long after my mother died. I dont know exactly, but I would say 6-7 months. I have not spoke to him since June of 2012. The last time he came to see me in Indiana was 1999. I believe I am owed a BIG apology, that will probably never come. When my father dies I will see him then, but do I have to accept this is what it is? I did not do anything wrong. The money mother had was split equally between us. He is a very jealous person and I believe if I never speak to him again, I cannot feel guilty about it. His way of dealing with problems is to threaten people and make situations worse. Appreciate any feedback.
Tim
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Do you think having anxiety could lead into depression? What are your thoughts?
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/caring-for-aging-parents
Sorry to jack your thread Tim.....xo.
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/family/effects-ptsd-family.asp
But ya, I read your story and it closely resembles mine. I obsess and think about the things he has said to me constantly. I get anxiety before he comes over, lose sleep, etc. etc.
The one thing I can say, is that your brother going through a divorce is definetly a HUGE factor for him. It's one of the biggest stresses a person can go through and certainly influences his behaviour. I've gone through it personally. It doesn't excuse his behaviour, but can explain a part of it for sure. I sometimes pity my brother, as perhaps you should or might find appropriate. There is no way that my brother or your brother wants to go through this the way it is happening, but we are both limited by their limitations and personality flaws or limited ability to cope with the situation. So ya, maybe pity and sympathy or empathy from us towards our brother is what is needed or at least the mental attitude to take towards the situation. I've even come to peace with the possibility that I might have to walk away from my investment in the home (I'm not on title, yet) and just not look back. Chalk it up as a loss, a bad financial move, and learn what I can and just never ever get involved with my brother again. Had I know how things were to turn out, I would have never partnered with him and would have stayed in the country I was residing in and continued my career (which is still an option).
My brother too has complained about having to help and deal with my mom (a widow) when she moved and I was living abroad. He threatened to throw all my things stored at her house into the dump. He is very fearful of the drains in the house we now co-own (where I live in) becoming plugged resulting in flooding, or mice infestations and them chewing wires and causing a fire, or mould in the darkest recesses of the home etc etc. My wife and I find ourselves having to dance around his fears and trying to soothe them by putting screens in the bottom of the sinks, getting cats for potential mice, and bleaching the mold. But he always finds something to freak about. His wife also contributes to his fears and has some of her own I'm sure. And they come out through him, but my wife and I feel like workers on their land, (despite us co-owning it) since it was theirs for a few years before I bought in. And they treat us like ignorant people who don't know what we are doing. They complain we don't do enough, yet if we try to work on our own to make improvements and it's not to their expectations, hell follows.
I could go on, but whatever. I hope my sharing makes you realize you are not alone and hopefully all will come to pass as most things do.
I'd be interested in hearing an update from you on your situation, see how you are coping.
Cheers and take care.