Families of SOs Community Group
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I am always amazed at how being brutally trampled by the criminal justice system affects people, even in subtle ways. Whether it is a false conviction or just having a loved one mistreated by the justice system and then placed on the registry for life for a nonviolent crime, the effect is the same.
I have had my own horrendous experiences with the prison system and the justice system, but I am mostly referring to the ladies on the board who have husbands, sons, and boyfriends who have been give very long sentences to be followed by a lifetime registration requirement.
Now to punish someone in a fair manner make the punishment fit the crime is one thing, but to give someone twenty years for looking at a naughty picture is entirely different. To watch someone closely who has been released from prison is one thing, but to place them on a "hit list" with so many rules that they are no longer able to function in society is another.
And to punish the perpetrator is one thing, but to punish his wife or little Suzy or little Billy for something their father may or may not have done should be criminal.
What actually happens when a family member or an innocent man is made to endure all these humiliating and degrading laws and restrictions?
It causes us to lose our INNOCENCE. We find out everything we were taught as a child---that policeman are our friends, that the justice system is fair, and that only bad guys ever get convicted of a felony and only really bad guys are sent to prison---was a lie. Everything we were taught growing up crashes down on us and the effect is like throwing cold water on a barking dog.
My father was recently in ICU. As I went in his room, I noticed either a policeman or a hospital security officer talking to a nurse. I KNEW he was not talking about me or a threat to me----hell, I did not even know if he was a real cop. BUT he still made me nervous and I never let him out of my sight. My mind knew he was just hanging around, but my subconscious would not allow me to ignore him.
When the ambulance came to get my father, of course, I was very concerned. I loved my dad, but I was also concerned about something much more sinister. The thought that the authorities might somehow try to say I abused or neglected him or in some way contributed to his death was in the back of my mind. I know, I know, that was downright stupid, but this is what these things do to a person.
I imagine all the ladies here---and guys too----have had their baptism into reality by being involved in this situation with a loved one in prison or on the registry. I can think of several ladies here that I talk to who have sons who have been given absolutely ridiculous----life changing--- sentences for looking at child porn.
You lose your innocence. It is almost like a small child that plays with what he thinks is a friendly dog. When the dog bites, the child's innocence is lost.
He is no longer a child. Reality sits in.
We have all been bitten by "the dog" so to speak. Sometimes we become so cynical that we expect the worst from every situation in life. At times the stress is unbearable.
This is why it is so important to have a SUPPORT forum as we have here. I feel a kinship with each and every person here and there is a common bond that links all together. There is strength in numbers and I am sure everyone here feels comfort by reading others' posts.
There is not a person here who is not hurting or has been hurt because of some of these ridiculous laws.
Just remember----we are all allies. We need to stick together.
rewdiazepam
I have had my own horrendous experiences with the prison system and the justice system, but I am mostly referring to the ladies on the board who have husbands, sons, and boyfriends who have been give very long sentences to be followed by a lifetime registration requirement.
Now to punish someone in a fair manner make the punishment fit the crime is one thing, but to give someone twenty years for looking at a naughty picture is entirely different. To watch someone closely who has been released from prison is one thing, but to place them on a "hit list" with so many rules that they are no longer able to function in society is another.
And to punish the perpetrator is one thing, but to punish his wife or little Suzy or little Billy for something their father may or may not have done should be criminal.
What actually happens when a family member or an innocent man is made to endure all these humiliating and degrading laws and restrictions?
It causes us to lose our INNOCENCE. We find out everything we were taught as a child---that policeman are our friends, that the justice system is fair, and that only bad guys ever get convicted of a felony and only really bad guys are sent to prison---was a lie. Everything we were taught growing up crashes down on us and the effect is like throwing cold water on a barking dog.
My father was recently in ICU. As I went in his room, I noticed either a policeman or a hospital security officer talking to a nurse. I KNEW he was not talking about me or a threat to me----hell, I did not even know if he was a real cop. BUT he still made me nervous and I never let him out of my sight. My mind knew he was just hanging around, but my subconscious would not allow me to ignore him.
When the ambulance came to get my father, of course, I was very concerned. I loved my dad, but I was also concerned about something much more sinister. The thought that the authorities might somehow try to say I abused or neglected him or in some way contributed to his death was in the back of my mind. I know, I know, that was downright stupid, but this is what these things do to a person.
I imagine all the ladies here---and guys too----have had their baptism into reality by being involved in this situation with a loved one in prison or on the registry. I can think of several ladies here that I talk to who have sons who have been given absolutely ridiculous----life changing--- sentences for looking at child porn.
You lose your innocence. It is almost like a small child that plays with what he thinks is a friendly dog. When the dog bites, the child's innocence is lost.
He is no longer a child. Reality sits in.
We have all been bitten by "the dog" so to speak. Sometimes we become so cynical that we expect the worst from every situation in life. At times the stress is unbearable.
This is why it is so important to have a SUPPORT forum as we have here. I feel a kinship with each and every person here and there is a common bond that links all together. There is strength in numbers and I am sure everyone here feels comfort by reading others' posts.
There is not a person here who is not hurting or has been hurt because of some of these ridiculous laws.
Just remember----we are all allies. We need to stick together.
rewdiazepam
The other day when REW posted this I started thinking about little things like how everyday in the back of my mind is the thought (apprehension?) that something bad might happen. I think that is one of my personal defense mechanisms. I actually thought to myself that nothing bad has happened for awhile so I better be on alert! It is awful that I cannot just be happy for the few weeks or months of semi-peace. Now fast forward to last night …
As I have mentioned my son got a job (yay) but the shift is over night – he works from 11 PM to 7 AM. Of course his PO had to adjust his curfew etc to accommodate that and so far she (the PO) has been really great about it. Well last week while my son was sleeping (during the day because he works night shift) he gets a call from a PO (not his) saying that something was wrong with his GPS and what was he doing?? Um … sleeping? He was told he had to go outside and clear the error on the GPS and if it does not clear in the next few minutes the PO will call him back – so he gets dressed (remember it is the middle of the night for him) and goes outside – the message clears and everything seems fine. No other call from the PO. That was last week – my son said it was either Thursday or Friday. He didn’t think much about it because the error cleared. Recently FL bought some new monitoring system because the old was terrible and giving messages all the time – people were actually being violated because of them. So far the new system has seemed better but now it seems to have started to act up also – what is supposed to better about this new system is that instead of only utilizing the satellites it also runs on a cell phone system. So anyway, yesterday about 10 of 5 in the evening I get a call from my son – I know this is not usual because he should be sleeping so of course when I see the call my heart starts pumping like crazy. Sure enough he says I need you to take me to the probation office right now please – they are saying something is wrong with my GPS. I was surprised because I know the office generally closes at 5 and I told him there is no way I can get you there by 5 and he says they know that but I have to go now. So we go down there – now this is where it gets good – I am sorry but the thought processes here astound me. First, let me say the GPS system seems to be acting properly because as soon as we drove away from his house it started alerting him that he was breaking curfew and to return home. Anyway, we get there and they will not let my son in the building because it is after hours – so he has to go to the window and a female PO comes out – my son says I do not understand what the problem is because it is still giving me messages and everything. She like lashed out at him and said don’t tell me my job! I am glad I could clearly hear this exchange from my car – my son was not friendly when he said it but he was also not threatening or smart mouthed or anything (remember it is like being woke up at 3 AM for him!) A few minutes later the male PO comes out and gives my son a tongue lashing for confronting the female PO – it was very stressful. Meanwhile, this other young man pulls up in a car and the look on his face is sheer terror – they bring him inside and remove his GPS and tell him to come back tomorrow and get a new one (they are supposed to be receiving new ones tomorrow) – now I do not think this young man was a registered citizen – FL has started putting GPS on many people that are out on bond awaiting adjudication – I think he was one of these. So they did not have a new GPS device to give my son – so they assessed that this other young guy was less of a threat than the registered citizen so they took his monitoring off and told him to come back tomorrow for a new one. Now he leaves and they tell my son to continue to wait outside. The old system all they had to do was enter the persons identification into the new GPS box and they were good to go – this new system is more complicated – because it is based also on a cell phone carrier they actually have to change the phone number of the box to be specific to the person. So we wait for over an hour! The male PO comes out and tells my son that he still doesn’t know what is the problem with my sons system (because the new one is still doing the same thing which we really don’t know what the issue is because it seems to be working fine) so he needs to call his PO tomorrow and come in a get a new system when they get the ‘shipment.’
Sorry for the length here but this whole thing stinks to the max to me – first of all, why did this guy wait until after hours on Monday to call my son?? Why not deal with it during the day? If there was a problem why didn’t this guy inform my sons regular PO and then she could handle it? And then why make him come in like that and the other guy? What a waste of tax payer money to switch out those systems – make both of these guys come back (today) and fit them with new ones. Why not just call my son and say (they know he is sleeping and will be going to work at 11 and be we be there all night) come in to the PO office in the morning when you get off because something is still wrong with your system and we will be getting new ones. Also, the male PO told my son he was going to include ‘his belligerence’ to the female PO in his report! Unbelievable! I told my son to call his PO first thing this morning and tell her that I heard the whole exchange!
Thanks for letting me vent!
My conviction happened many years ago, but after my arrest and as the police investigated more, I always thought "oh, hell, what next?" The charges were not true, but I knew they were doing everything----legally and some things not so legal---to hang me.
As the investigation grew, the charges kept getting worse and worse, ending with first degree rape. I was able to joke about it later, saying that given enough time they would charge me with murder even though the little girl was still alive.
I think the words here is that you feel a sense of IMPENDING DOOM---IMPENDING DOOM.
But folks, it does get a little better. But I know that I have "radar eyes" for police cars whenever I drive. I can spot them, even the undercover ones, a mile away. If the speed limit is 70, I always drive 60.
Since nobody going through this in their right mind ever trusts law enforcement again, there is always this feeling that they will come and snatch you up for something you did not do. The did it once, so they can do it again.
In prison, if I had a problem I always took care of it myself, or it did not get taken care of. I solved most of my problems, but I would have had to been dying to ever go to a case manager or a CO to ever help me with anything. I wanted ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with staff or COs.
Even when I was in solitary for 102 days for refusing to knuckle under and admit any guilt so I could attend a court mandated sex offender treatment program, I was still smiling at the end. Why? I refused to give them the satisfaction of knowing they bothered me or pissed me off in any way. I remember after I was let out, my case manager remarked that 102 days is a very long time to be in solitary confinement. I looked him in the eye and said, "If you wanted to put someone in that kind of confinement for over three months, you picked just the right person to do it, because I can do it again if needed. He gave me the craziest look I have ever seen and just shook his head.
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This is why I always tell inmates headed to prison for sex crimes, that if you win the respect of the other inmates, no matter your crime, they will never harm you or beat you up.
rewdiazepam