FYI: we are currently in FL.

A conviction for any sex crime always brings out the worst in people. Yes, prepare for some stigmas---along with the stares, the rude comments, and the glares.

Prepare to be judged; if there is one thing the average American citizen does well, it is judge others, often when they know very little about the situation.

Regarding your husband, be prepared for some ignorant people to refer to him as a "pedophile," even though pedophilia is a medical clinical term. He will also be called a predator or pervert regardless of his crime.

People are just so uneducated in these matters, but many are just mean-spirited. They live for the day when they can put someone else down to compensate for their failures or the shortcomings in their life.

I could go on and on at some of the things he will face, but I won't.

As for you, you will be known to some as a "hard up" woman who will accept anyone because you could not find anyone else to love. Some people will look down on you for not divorcing your husband.

The stigma of sex crimes always rubs off on the family.

But not everyone will display this lack of education, common sense, or compassion. Some will understand your situation, but there will definitely be stigmas.

Some of the other posters here will come along and go into greater depth on this subject.

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Being forced out of your home due to new legislation that says he is living to close to a school, park, daycare, etc.

You and family also being branded, loosing friends and family. Society looks down on you for staying, threat of loosing your job due to his status.....

My husband has lost a job because of the registry, people post his picture random places (usually in groupings of sex offenders to "look out for.")

We've gotten weird looks, although I don't know that anyone has put two and two together and realizes where they know him from.

He's been told by family members they are happy they don't share the same last name as him, because they don't want to be associated with "someone like him."

I don't like giving out my address (so people can mail me things, for directions etc) because they may see his information.

Questions I get: Why would you choose to be with someone like him? How do you know he didn't touch anyone? (his conviction is CP), How do you know he won't do it again?

One thing I've noticed is I'm a lot more sensitive to people's reactions about the sex offender label. I don't participate in conversations about it anymore since being with my husband, if some one asks my opinion I dance around it.

I have a lot more fears. I worry about people finding out, I worry about him losing another job, we aren't included in many family functions because of it. We exclude ourselves from things just because we don't want any issues. We worry about being evicted from our home, because our landlord doesn't know about him. Even if he did, my landlord has a history of evicting people that cause issues with his other tenants.

You will also find out who your real friends are-----and you will be shocked beyond simply being shocked.

People who you have known for a long time and who you thought were real friends will abandon you. People you hardly knew at all---only knew who they were----will come up to you and hug you.

In my first week home from prison, my lady friend and I went to Wal Mart to buy me some better clothes. I was looking around and I heard a lady say in the distant, "Is that you, REW??" I looked over in that direction and a woman who was only an acquaintance from my medical business came to me crying and then she hugged me. She went on and on about how happy she was that I was finally home. Barely knew her at all.

A couple of weeks later I was out shopping at a grocery store with aisles about eight or ten feet wide, just normal aisles in grocery stores. A guy that I had known for 25 years and had talked to often saw me, turned around, and walked the other way.

This shows me that regardless of the manner in which people treat you, you never really know what goes on in their minds or what they really think about you.

People are strange.

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I think that "how others react" is more a function of their own fears and prejudices toward " use what ever stigma label here, Sex oung yOffender, etce etc) ant way their behaior is a function of wh they are than a reflection of who you are. There are some 'good guys thought"

True story: A woman who got a flyer posted on her front door including a picture and a bunch of very negative info warning her that a SO had moved in across the street from her house....well she took the flyer and went across the street and knocked on the door....after a bunch of un-locking etc some one opened the door just a crack...she said hello and asked to speak to the young man whose name and picture were on the flier...he finally came forward and (her name is Deborah) welcomed him to the neighbor hood.
There are good people out there and all we need to know is to keep our hearts an minds open to the possibility that some one will welcome us all home where ever home turns out to be.

When I went to prison I had been well known in the community for several years, so I had a problem upon my release which he may or may not have to contend with.

After a person becomes a registrant, meeting people---friends or just acquaintences---- again you once knew is not only scary, but very AWKWARD. A registrant has no idea how people will react to him once he meets them somewhere again. He does not know if they will pat him on the back, shake his hand, or stare at him with disgust and walk off. Someone you once thought was a trusted friend may see you, turn around, and walk the other way. This fear of an awkward situation can begin to control a new registrant's life if he allows it.

It is this uncertainty which can create problems. A new registrant just cannot predict the reaction he will receive from old "friends." This can lead to very awkward situations and tends to make the registrant less likely to want to go places.

But sitting in the house and being afraid to venture out is not the answer.

This is one reason I think it is wise for a registrant to move out of the area from which he was convicted. The people never look at you the same and there are too many bad memories trying to stay in the same town of the conviction. I would go out and invariably see a cop, someone tied to my trial, or just someone I did not like and it would ruin my whole damn day. Some people may look at that as "running away" but here is how I look at it----Why give people a chance to harass you or treat you unfairly? The last thing I would want to do is put myself out there so some idiot who knows nothing about my situation can try to make my life miserable. Why allow them to do that??

Of course, as his wife you will deal with this also. But it gets easier to handle. One just must know how to live his life a little differently than if he was not a registrant. But differently does not mean a lower quality of life; it only means you structure your life around being a registrant.

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My husband's conviction is not from this state, but this is his home state and he wouldn't have been able to make it upon his release where he was convicted.

He lives in his home town, with people around him that he went to school with, grew up with, with family members close, and it isn't all bad.

Rew is right, the people I've known for the least amount of time are the ones that have been more accepting.

Just a couple weeks ago I told a friend about my husband (a situation had come up that they needed to know) and I surely thought they would kick me out of their lives. However, they were so supportive and it was really how amazing how much better I felt. Would I go around spreading this information? Not a chance.

My husband has been out of jail going on 5 years now, and he still feels awkward, and I don't know that he will ever lose that feeling. He thinks everyone who looks at him slightly weird "knows" and is going to harm him in some fashion. When he was first released he didn't leave his house for a week, then he went out a little and a little more. It took him a good month to where he was comfortable even driving his car where people could see him.

He came across a friend from high school, one he wasn't particularly close with but knew. They became very, very good friends and I am now good friends with him. He really isn't the judgmental type and one of the most easy going people I know, but it really shocked my husband when he told him about what had happened and he just shrugged his shoulders and asked if he wanted to play the newest video game.

It does get a little easier with time. I stress about it probably more than I should, but things come up and I can't help but worry about them.

We have to live differently, and it sucks sometimes.

My family member will be in the same boat in a little over a year. I was wondering the same thing. It seems like moving out of the area would make logical sense since no one knows you and there would be less to worry about and you can start a new life. Why subject yourself to those fears when you can move a couple of towns over and go unnoticed. I don't think many people are spending their time memorizing faces off the registry site, so they may never know. I don't think many people even look on the registry, but I could be wrong on that note. In any case, as long as you have a car, you can always drive back to your home town to visit people who have not shunned you.

I've noticed people only look at the registry when a news story pops up or it comes up in conversation and they feel compelled or curious enough to look.

There are some people that look at the registry regularly, but personally I think those folks are a bit off.

Moving out of the area of conviction---even if it is the next town only 15 miles away----is also a good idea for the registrant's mental health. Hopefully, getting arrested, convicted and placed on the sex offender registry is an unpleasant experience and a dark time in one's life. The last thing a registrant needs is to see things in the town that are a constant reminder of his conviction----a cop that was involved, the courthouse, or the victim's family; not to mention coming face to face with a former "friend" who shuns him or people who only want to gossip.

At a time when a registrant is trying to heal, seeing reminders of his conviction and dealing with "fair weather friends" only opens old wounds, which is not healthy.

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My Hubs was in the paper when he was originally arrested and then on the news (possession of CP) so we have already gone thru the loss of his job, the loss of many friends and family members, and some weird looks. Both of my bosses knows (I have 2 jobs) but do not care as long as I do my job. neither one of us are "people people" we keep to ourselves so that will probably help. Our neighbors don't know so that will be interesting when he returns. I have just told them he is traveling for work right now. We have a handful of close and good friends who supported us while going thru the court stuff and I 'm sure will continue to be around. We got married while going thru everything. We were only dating at the time of his arrest but I've known him for 16 years. Everyone knows where I stand and no one has ever questioned me on it. I'm a little more strong willed than he is so the looks and little comments don't phase me but I hope he can manage to be ok. I worry about his mental health. He was in counseling before he went to prison and will go back as soon as he is out. Sounds like most of the stuff everything is talking about we have already been through. I just get worried about strangers trying to hurt him or me. We have both taken a lot of self protections lessons and will probably continue when he is out. It's good exercise and good things to know in case someone tries to hurt you and it's something we do together which is nice. He does not want to leave our hometown so we will see what happens. That means we are staying in FL for now. I hope he doesn't regret that decision. Thanks everyone for all the information.

Hello everyone. I just wanted to thank you all, including and especially the original poster for putting this up.
I am not on the registry yet. Hell I haven't even served my time yet (something j am rather worried about... Thanks to the help and kindness of Rew and a few others on here, I am now just worried and no longer convinced I am going to die) but it is things like this that I am grateful for. The advice, the kind words. The hope you all inspire.

I truly do hope the things these fine people are sharing, help you in coping and dealing with the stressful nature of this situation and I wanted to thank you for asking this and giving me the opportunity to read it and it's redponces!

I am still a newbie, and we are in the midst of a few hearings and sentencing, which won't happen for a few months but we know it's coming. Being that our "story" was on TV, newspapers, and the like it got really hard to go invisible. However, even though not everyone has come out in support, we still have a few close friends and family members that haven't turned us away.

Yes, I still have fears of safety. Which I've been told isn't something I should concern myself with. As some people might either make a snide or rude comment, most others will just give you a look or stare, or just walk away. As hurtful as it is to be "shunned" by peers, I actually feel bad for those who lack compassion and understanding.

Our lives will go on as normal as it can. We still shop, go out for dinner, hang with friends and putter in the yard. Not saying I don't have my reservations, because I do. Plenty of them! But at some point we have to pick ourselves up, dust off the dirt and soldier on. Mind you a little more cautious and aware of our surroundings, but we must keep on going.

Our family member will not be living with us when he (eventually) is out. Mutual family decision. And most likely will be living in another town. Sadly, this may not happen for him until 20 years from now. With that said, for now we as the family have to worry about crazy neighbors, those that stalk the registry, redneck vigilantes, and, most importantly, get on with our lives in a new sort normal way. It is doable. Which I probably wasn't sure of a little while ago.

CorvusCorax: Nice to hear from you. You sound like you have already come a long way and that makes me happy for you. Take care and keep coming back because all this goes both ways. We all really benefit from hearing each other's stories and experiences now and going forward. "Going to die" or "just worried" now you have a lot to offer, on or off the registry, in or out of prison. Guess what? You "inspire" us too. You might even sign on (after prison?) and find some of us waiting to here to hear your story about that too! LOL Take care Corvus, I like your attitude.