Families of SOs Community Group
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I really need some words of encouragement - I can't cry here at work all day. My son was finally transferred from the detention center to an evaluation center to see what jail he would go to. They had him on meds at the detention center because he can't handle this situation but decided to go off the meds as they give you a "point" if you are transferred and that's not good. Anyway, I got my first letter from him yesterday (after two weeks) and he said when he went to see the counselor he completely broke down, basically had a nervous breakdown. She went and got the nurse and immediately put him back on his depression meds and also put him on Chrone's disease meds. He is completely unglued. He is in a cell with someone else but he dares to tell NO ONE what he's there for. He's afraid to go into general population in case someone finds out about his charges and attacks him again. Therefore he cannot go to the canteen to get envelopes, paper, his meds etc., because he's afraid of being jumped because of his offense. So he said he just sits in his cell and looks out the window.......my heart is killing me. The jail told him the phone money I had put in the detention center could not be transferred to where he is at now. But when I went to change the transfer of money to where he's at now they said it would work.....I'm feeling really sad I can't help him.....
Thanks the the hug...you hang in there too.
Your so will do ok. I know it's scary for both of you, but if he follows the rules he will get through this unharmed.
Your son has your support and that's a big thing. My son only has me as well. One brother has turned his back on him, the other want's to be supportive, but doesn't know how. I write to him every week, but most of the time I really don't know what to say.
ThoughtAsWeak is right, your son needs to make friends with the Christians.
Whoever took him off his meds made a very unwise decision. Sometimes people on these meds for anxiety or depression quit taking their meds once they feel better, thinking that their problem has been solved. These drugs only treat the symptoms, not the underlying cause of the depression. When a person stops his meds, the symptoms return. It is a lot like blood pressure meds. They have to be taken religiously.
I hope nobody in medical took him off his meds. If they did, they are an idiot.
Tomsmother, here is another possibility. Most of the modern antidepressants are from a class of drugs called SSRIs.
If a person tries to abruptly stop these drugs, they usually experience some discomfort and in some cases, major symptoms. A person has to gradually wean themselves off these drugs and it usually takes a month or so to completely get off them. These untoward side effects are not life threatening, but they can make a person very ill.
My son was on citalopram---Celexa---20mg per day. After taking them for about a year, he decided he wanted to stop the drug. I warned him that you cannot go "cold turkey" on the SSRI anti-depressants, but he tried anyway. About the third day, he began having tremors, mental delusions, severe depression, and he began to have bouts of nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting. I put him back on the Celexa and he was fine within three days. He acutally knew better, as he is in Nurse Practitioner School, specializing in psychiatry. He just tried to beat the odds even after I warned him of the possible ramifications.
But you son needs to be on these meds. Some of his recent mental breakdowns could very well have been caused by the rapid withdrawal of the meds.
I realize there is a lot of fear and confusion, since he does not want anyone to know he is in there because of a sex offense. That is always a problem, although not so much at the lower security facilities.
He will be forced to confront that problem sooner or later. He cannot continue to live there in prison in fear of going outside the cell, not going to canteen, or mixing it up with a few people in GP. If he continues to hibernate, the inmate will start to wonder what he is hiding or why he is in there----they will think the worst; and that is not good at all.
I tell everyone to keep a low profile in prison, keep your mouth shut, and stay out of other's business. But he is carrying this to extremes.
He has two choices here: 1) if asked----and only if asked----he can tell them the truth, or 2) he can make up a cover story and tell them he is in prison for some fictitious charges. Since he is relatively new and the inmates have not gotten to know him to determine if he is "OK", he really has only one choice, and that is the cover story.
People will disagree with me on this, but I am here to tell you that if he goes in there and tells them the truth from day one, at the very least he will be shunned and probably attacked. The cover story will buy him a little time until the inmates learn to like and respect them. When they have time to respect him, then his charges will not matter as much. But right now they don't know him from Adam and to them, he could be some kind of serial child molester.
Some people say you should not lie to the other inmates because when they find out, they will really be mad. Trust me, they will not be anymore upset by a lie than they would if they found out the charges. You just cannot go into prison and tell people you are in for a sex charge.
Sure, their family can always "Google" his name and find out his charges and relay the info back to the inmates. But that still buys him time.
You can bet that if continues to be a hermit, they will Google his name for sure. So he needs to act as normal as possible.
Doing time sitting in the cell and isolating himself is a terrible way to do time, and not picking up his meds can be disastrous. If he only had a year to serve, it might work, but he has five years. He cannot spend the next four years or so and continue to be so miserable in there. Hell, even I would probably have some kind of mental problems if I tried that.
First, he needs to get back on his meds---pronto. Then he needs to give the cover story a lot of thought.
With only five years---if I recall correctly, that was his sentence---he should be sent to a lower security facility after he is evaluated. His security points should be low enough that he will not be sent to a medium----where people really, really have to worry about the charges. At lower security prisons, inmates don't care as much, as they just want to go home. Many are at the tail end of their sentences and they will not risk a misconduct or write up by attacking another inmate.
A sex offender at a minimum is just slightly shunned; at a medium, they will really try to hurt you.
I know this is just crushing you inside as his mother. Once he get back on his meds, he will feel better, but anti-depressants sometimes take up to six weeks for a person to feel the optimal effect. He can then decide what he wants to do with the cover story.
Mother, take one day at a time. When you get out of bed at seven in the morning, try not to think of anything except how you will get through the day. Do this "one day at a time." We just borrow trouble when we look ahead, especially in these situations.
Keep your chin up. Things WILL get better. You won't be feeling so down a year from now. He just has to hold on until things start going his way.
rewdiazepam
I'm trying to keep my head up, but it's already been just about a year and it just keeps getting worse. Not only with him but with other aspects of my life (declaring bankruptcy being one of the big ones) just to keep my house. Weekends I imprison myself in the house - I don't want to do anything but sleep so I can forget.....
The cops could do that, or they could give someone the word about your son, if they're a big enough asshole.
I, too , pretty much holed away all of the time my son was inside. I didn't feel that I deserved to have a life if my son couldn't. How could you be happy in a situation like this.
I went bankrupt once.. this too will get better.
I have never heard, in all my years, that being on meds would give an inmate a black mark. That sounds like some silly story made up by an inmate.
Everything in life has a benefit vs risk ratio. Prison is no different. Getting off the meds and getting this "black" mark---whatever that is---- against him pales in comparison to the problems he will have if he tries to discontinue his meds. I don't know what this black mark consists of, but he needs to get on---and stay on---his meds.
When they took him into custody, someone beat him up???? That just really burns my butt. I don't know why inmates should care what other inmates are in prison for, but they do. I know I didn't care as long as they acted normal around me. The other inmate's charges were none of my business.
When he is classified it will take away a lot of the "uncertainty" factor. Most of your stress and anxiety is caused by not knowing where he will go or what he---and you---will face in the coming months. Once he is sent to his destination prison, things will quiet down.
I won't say that things will get a whole lot better, but you will have learned to cope with it better by then.
You have an excellent support system here with all the ladies. They are either going through a situation much like yours or they have been through it at one time. Nobody here has all the answers, but you will find a lot of understanding here.
But mainly, here is where you can talk about your hopes and fears---and talk frankly about your situation---without worrying about being judged or ridiculed. This is a SAFE place to interact with others.
This is probably the most difficult time of these situations. When---and you WILL---get through this, you will have the strength and confidence to make it though this mess.
One day at a time, and take it slow.
rewdiazepam
PS If this situation becomes too crushing and you feel it is overwhelming you, make an appointment with a health professional or just someone to talk to. A physician can prescribe a light dose of something to get your through this difficult time. Don't just suffer needlessly.