Sunnyone,

I am so very sorry that all these problems have piled up on you at this time.

Please allow me to give you some suggestions that seem to help some of the folks in your shoes.

First, you need to concentrate on YOURSELF and YOUR CHILDREN. Your husband will make it through this somehow, but right now you need to protect yourself and see that your children are protected. No, you should not abandon or forget about your husband, but right now, you have a crisis of your own. Your children are especially vulnerable as I am sure they do not quite understand what is going on.

Just keep in mind that you are involved in this situation every bit as much as your husband, so your feelings are valid---and important.

Secondly, you probably need to talk to a therapist or medical professional about your feelings. So much has been thrown on your plate that I doubt you----or anyone else----could get through this without some outside help. The human body is a resilient organism, but it was not made to deal with all the intense and negative emotions you are now dealing with. You also are dealing with the fear from the future---the unknown----and fear of the unknown can be paralyzing.

Find a sister, a family member, or better yet, a health professional, to help you sort out your emotions. If you feel as if this situation is consuming you and interfering with your ability to perform your daily chores or if the emotion is just too great, then find a physician who can prescribe you some mild meds to help with the depression or anxiety. I don’t want to make anyone a pill head, but there are times in life when these pharmaceuticals can do wonders for people in your situations.

Many of the mothers I talk with are taking antidepressants. The newer antidepressants, the SSRIs, are effective with few side effects. The last thing I want is for you to have a mental meltdown over this. Your children need their mother now more than ever.

Stress can slowly kill a person.

I am happy to hear your husband is out on bail and working. Having a job will keep him busy and keep his mind off his problems, and with him being out on bail, you and he can better communicate to discuss the situation.

You said, “Today the DA offered to drop it down to two counts of distribution, meaning a mandatory 5 year sentence and 20 years probation.”

I am hoping the DA is willing to run the two charges concurrently into one distribution charge, which carries a five year prison sentence followed by 20 years’ probation. A five year prison sentence is too harsh, but five years seems to be the common sentence prosecutors are asking for CP. The 20 years on probation is too harsh, as most guys only receive five to 10 year’s probation. Sex offender probation is very intrusive and difficult, but at about the halfway point, he can petition the courts for a probation modification or termination.

If the prosecutor is willing to run all the charges into one five year prison sentence, then that is probably the best deal your husband could hope for. He certainly cannot be so foolish as to go to trial. He would get murdered at trial since the government already has all the physical evidence it needs for a conviction. With a five year sentence, he will be sent to a minimum security prison where it is reasonably safe for sex offenders.

There is an old adage which states, “Take one day at a time,” and it is never truer than for a person going through these situations. As a human being, I realize it is human nature to worry about the future, but it is needless to worry about something that may or may not ever happen.

I post on several forums and try to help both the offenders and the families. Sunny, you WILL get through this, but there will be some pain and uncertainty. Almost every family or offender I have ever helped over the years has served his time and gone on with his life.

Your husband was in the military, so I assume his is a reasonably intelligent person. Intelligent people almost always do well in the aftermath of these situations. At some point, they figure this mess out and do what needs to be done to survive.

After sentencing, much of the unknown will come to light, and your emotional burden will be much lighter. Right now you are at the point where the emotions wear on a person the most. Sometimes they think there is no end to this, but trust me, there is. Your cancer diagnosis did not help and for that reason, it is doubly important for you to do whatever needs to be done to protect yourself.

Remember, there are over 800,000 sex offenders in this country and most of them are doing fine. There is no reason on earth that your husband, you, and your family cannot do the same. These events have altered your life somewhat, but having a change in life is not always a bad thing.

I hope you find someone you trust---perhaps a health professional--- to help you deal with your emotions. You NEED someone to spill your heart out and deal with all your emotions. And don’t forget the meds, if needed.

Keep in touch,

rewdiazepam

Hi Sunnyone,
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. I know you had a lot going on and I just wanted you to know we are here for you.