@Aimee, I think where the confusion comes in, is people mistake supporting an offender as okaying their behavior, that's not the case.
Just so ya know, I'm a molestation survivor, and the wife of someone who is falsely accused. However, I've spent a lot of time reading and watching, etc. I've learned that an offender, needs to have the support of their family and friends, if they want to recover and become stable and contributing to society..and we as a society should want that, it make society safer.
They also need to own up and take responsibility and not minimize, no doubt.
But I think way too much emphasis is put on retribution and not enough on healing
Esp, when it comes to victims who are often used by the legal system and then tossed aside and forgotten...often it's those victims that later become offenders themselves

Wow why isn't there a like button on this board...Very eloquent faeryedark

Aiimee said "One of the mothers posted a thread talking about a member group on DS called "families of sex offenders." I checked it out, and I can't help but to be OUTRAGED. These parents of sex offenders are posting things like, "my heart is broken for my child, who is in jail for child pornography." They're throwing a pity party for their children, saying they have had suicidal thoughts.

You want to sit and defend a sex offender? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THEY have had suicidal thoughts? THEY'RE depressed? THEY have had a hard life??

I try VERY to be understanding of others and not judgmental, but this is just complete bull to me! I'm so pissed off right now. It makes my blood boil.. it takes everything inside of me NOT to comment on their damn group. UGH! "

this is why people are not getting along with you. this is why i don't believe that you want to understand. people who make judgmental posts without learning about situations is called ignorance. it's quite strange you say one thing on this forum and then another on your forum. if your intentions are true go on your forum and explain that your over here to learn, and only learn. if in fact that is your sole purpose? o.O

AimeeDFortis If your intentions are as stated , I would like to give you a welcome to the group. Another viewpoint is always welcome. I realize there are two sides to this coin. If there are any personal attacks on you for expressing your opinion just let me know and I will deal with it. I have always felt that a good rational debate between people is good and you can learn a lot by examining both sides of issues.

I agree Red. I think Aimee should be given the opportunity to get some answers to her questions and have the opportunity to gain some understanding. She may or may not like what she hears, but I think she was brave to post her thoughts here. As long as there is no cruelty here, I think she should get a voice. Isn't that what all of us want in the end? To be heard?

Aimee, nobody here is ok with abuse. None of us are. And yes, we have had suicidal thoughts. We have wanted to end our lives. We have felt like nobody can hear us. Feelings that I'm sure you also are well acquainted with. One pain does not erase another. Because we, as sexual assault survivors, have experienced pain, loneliness, invalidation, and absolute hopelessness, does not mean that nobody else in the situation is entitled to feel anything. I'm very sorry for what you've gone through. It never should have happened. I hear stories all the time that are enough to bring me to my knees. But there is pain on this side too. Extreme pain, that very similar to your experience, is not acknowledged and is judged. Life is not black and white. I used to think it was, but it isn't. There is a lot of grey area. And because we love and fight for loved ones does not mean that we are ok with sexual abuse or exploitation. I love my daughters madly. Their pain was felt by me on a level I have never experienced before. I also love my ex husband, and probably always will. I hate what he has done to our daughters, to me, to his mother and family, to himself. However, I know the cycle of abuse all too well. And I can't help but wonder if my ex had been believed, received help, and had been able to openly discuss what he was struggling with, that things may have turned out differently.
Do I think my ex needs to be punished? Yes, and he has already been punished. Severely. He has deteriorated to a shell of a human being. He has tried to take his life several times in jail. I have watched this man, who I loved deeply, suffer (which has caused me and my daughters endless suffering as well.) The funny thing is that I once wanted this for my abusers. After seeing it firsthand, I can honestly say, I had no idea what I was asking for. And no, his suffering has not brought any healing to our daughters. In fact, I have spent countless nights trying to reassure my two daughters through long crying spells that their father was ok and that he was being treated well. The one thing that I believe could actually bring healing to our daughters is a heartfelt apology and acknowledgment of what was done to them. Something that has been offered for over a year, but something the prosecution will not allow because it humanizes my ex.

Welcome to the group. I hope we can learn from you, and I hope you can learn from us. :)

I want you all to know that I have read all of your posts and input, and I do appreciate you taking the time to give me your "two cents." Anarchy- I understand your doubt. I understand why you feel the way you feel. I want you to know that I reacted, initially, out of pure anger. Admittedly, I wasn't willing to learn more about the group, I was just hurt, and outraged at the idea people would condone it. As I am learning, that isn't necessarily the case, but I can't stand ignorant people. I am noticing that in this case, I am the ignorant person. So, here I am, trying to learn. If you don't believe my sincerity, that's entirely up to you. All I can do is reach out and hope others will understand. I will write again later when I have re-read what everyone wrote, and it has taken time to sink in.
Thanks for all your responses.

Amie you and oneofthem would get along just fine in here when it comes to discussions

Sounds sincere to me. Trust me we are a very supportive group - just reach out.

Aimee---my heart breaks for what you went through. All I can ask of is that please do not assume that by supporting our loved ones we condone AT ALL what they've done, what any sex offender has done for that matter. I have a couple of friends who were sexually abused as children and adults....and they both support my husband through what he is going through. Why? Becuase they know deep down who he is and that this mistake does not define him.

Now-I will openly and willingly admit that there are some people who deep deep down are rotten to the core. Monstrous people. But from what I know of this group-none of our loved ones fit into that category.

Please understand. We are not here because we support or condone their actions. We are not here because we feel sorry for "them" (I hate using a general term like that because in the end, we're all people), but because we loved someone before they made their mistakes, and for most of us, we have gotten dragged into this journey against our own choice simply because someone we love made that mistake, or in my husband's case, has some very deep deep DEEP rooted issues that finally boiled to the surface.

Do you want to know why I choose to support him in this journey? Because he has remorse. He wants to change. I have seen him cry more in this last year than in the 11 years we have known each other. He truly regrets his actions and wants to get better. Most, if not all, of the loved ones from this group are the same-remoreseful, wanting to be better people.

Now----where you will see us get angry, and we often do...is that the system makes it incredibly hard for our loved ones to EVER live any kind of a normal life. And yes, they deserve punishment for the crime they committed. But in most SO cases, the punishment is life long, and infiltrates every single part of your life, until at times, life is hard to enjoy.

My husband isn't allowed to see any of the children in our life, for probably around 2 years. We now pay 600-700 dollars a month for his costs and treatment, not counting in the payments we make for the attorney fees and court costs, leaving us, at times, with no food. The food bank and I have beome rather good friends, but they only have so much. He is not allowed to go to the grocery store. He isn't allowed to go anywhere. They required us to get rid of our video games, take down all the family pictures in our house, and get rid of nearly all of our movies, because they deemed them as "inappropriate"...even most of our PG13 movies. Most of the PG and G rated had to go, because they thought he could lure children with them. We are not allowed to have anyone over to our house unless the have signed a disclosure form stating that they know all the details of his crime...and I mean ALL the details. He isn't allowed to use a computer at all, have a camera, a camea phone, and has just now been able to finally text myself and a couple of other people. He's not allowed to watch things like Family Guy. We can't have date nights. We don't get to go to dinner. We don't even get to order delivery pizza or chinese or anything like that. I buy his underwear, socks, pants, shirts, shoes for him and hope he likes them and they fit because he doesn't get to go do it himself, and probably won't be able to any time soon.

Now, I'm not asking for your sympathy, and I know why on your side of the fence, it's easy to think "well, they deserve all that. They asked for it when they committed their offense." But just for a moment...please think about it and let it sink in. What life would be like with that kind of situation...most people don't know just how our daily lives go....our loved ones are sex offenders, yes, but they are so much more than that. They are living breathing PEOPLE...God's children, with hopes, dreams, fears, favorite colors, favorite foods, favorite songs, and movies....they are so much more than their crime. So this is why you'll see many of us here get angry at the system, because it seems to forget that they are real PEOPLE with families, churches, nieces, nephews, moms, dads, sisters, brothers, and sometimes children.

Yes there are truly monsters out there. But most sex offenders are people who have made a mistake, and need help to get better from that mistake, and WANT to get better, be better people and live better lives.

I'm always open to talk about my husband, his offense, and our life. As long as I'm respected and treated like any other wife out there, I'll be willing to have an open discussion with anyone.

I only ask that you-and others from the group you came from, respect the fact that we as the loved ones deserve support for what we are going through, whether you agree with us supporting our loved ones or not. I believe that you are sincere in wanting to understand, but for anyone who isn't....please....just leave us be. This is one of the very very few safe places we have where we can talk to people who REALLY understand what our lives are like. If you're willing and open to really get to know some of the people here...they are all amzingly supportive and loving people.

@Cathie, and it's really amazing that people just don't snap from all those restrictions an go postal.

I think it's why more people don't complete probation. Not because they dont' want to follow the rules, but because it's so difficult some times. My husband did snap last night....I'm really sick right now and had a fever last night of 102...it was snowing out, and we were out of Tylenol. I ended up having to go to the store to get some...isn't a HUGE deal, cuz we don't live far from the store, but it really upset him because it made him feel like he couldn't even take care of me like he should be able to, just because of the fact that I had to go out in 10 degree weather with such a high fever. It could have been dangerous for me. I haven't seen him get that upset over the restrictions in a while...but it's lots of little things like that, that don't seem like a big deal until you have to live it every. single. day.

another reason why i don't date. i have way to much baggage. some people think i play god by not giving some women chances. some have said they are big girls and can make decisions on their own. but how do you make a decision when you don't know what it's like. you know the restrictions but living it is harder than knowing it.

Socrates: Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I will understand.
i don't want them to understand. it's too hard for people

Thank you, I had to do it, and it looks like their page has been banned. Cant go to it anymore :)

i would have given her a chance, but going to other forums or that forum and talking smack. well actions speak louder than words.

Sparkyman, I can still go to their page, (both groups)..