And you know what West? I just looked back at the beginning of this thread and you started the baiting - why? When people post things that I am not interested in I move on ... you began saying stuff to her right at the beginning of the thread - it is none of your business why she does anything actually - you do not have to agree with it of course but it is none of your business - you have to remember these are our children and we have watched them be railroaded by this system right from the start

You are right about the personal choice as parents - i choose to make sure my son has a roof over his head and food in his mouth. The system these kids are caught up in is no life that is for sure -

Advocate,
Just what did Westdenali say that was baiting? Her first post was trying to be helpful and was respectful, and right. Nak instantly went on the attack.
Maybe I shouldn't have used the word for a female dog, but I stand by everything else. I think first my post was quite respectful, but again she went on the attack, and fyi, cussed me first and showed what kind of person she is and I will never try to help her again.

NOW, you just had to get into something to stir it up more, something you've been doing alot lately by twisting the words of anyone who doesn't believe EXACTLY what you believe.
Whatever.
You don't like me, and I care not, the feeling is mutual. 'Bye!

I don't think you understand, coastis .. but then the world is full of people with different views.

I agree Advocate, I am not advocating for kicking your children out of the nest. I am advocating pushing them forward towards leaving the nest. When this happens to younger people 18-19 etc you are right in that they don't have the life skills to start living life on their own like an older person would. I am not saying leave them on the street in Florida, that is ridiculous. I wasn't quite as young as your son Advocate, but I wasn't much older either, was still in college.

I felt I got pretty screwed by the system, but to my parents that was never an issue they wanted to discuss. They were only interested in helping me move forward. "Can't look back at what it could've been, you are here now and you have to make the best of it. What are you going to do to make your life better?" My parents had no input with my PO, that was my problem to handle. If anything I think that was Coastie and west's message to you, try to stay out of your son's relationship with his PO. He needs to learn how to fix his own problems, and how to handle that on his own. My PO said that I was on probation, not my parents, and the PO's office would have no contact with them unless I gave them a reason to contact them.

I don't know what all they were saying, but I don't think you should leave your son homeless on the street. That is a rather obvious in my opinion and I don't think anyone really means that at all. The question though is how do you nurture independence and not dependence? When you are paying for their place to stay and their food and giving them work, how do you make your son independent of you? I understand the world is hard and it is that much harder for people on the registry, I've lived it. I've lost jobs, job opportunities once I tell them my background, friends, and romantic interests, it's not easy. But by nurturing independence my parents gave me tools to figure it out on my own. They wanted me to fail and then get back up and figure it out and keep figuring it out until I could be self sufficient. That should be the goal in my opinion.

Again this is what has helped me live through this ruckus of the registry. I don't know you or your son or your situations, I can only tell you what has worked for me. How my parents prepared me while going through the legal process and into probation was a paramount to how I ended up now.

First of all Coastie I can not like or dislike you because I do not know you - but I can tell you that I do not generally like people that resort to name calling and shouting - which is something you do very often. My point to the whole thing is that there might be people on this forum we agree with and those that we don't but it is absolutely no ones business how someone handles their life and relationships with their family - there is a place where many comments change from giving opinions and help to attacking a poster personally and the latter is what was done. Nak reacted the way she did because a post where she was talking about how the PO made her feel instantly became (and yes this was the first post West made) a attack on how Nak handles the situation - West's first comment was Why are you talking to the PO? Well the post said he came in and started talking to her - if you had bothered to read it. Whether we agree or not it is none of our business how anyone chooses to navigate this hell.

I try very hard not to twist words - even others told you that what you said to me in other threads was easily misunderstood. If you do like what Nak posts, or me, or anyone on the board - move on it is simple as that. If you feel you can actually offer support of some kind or insight fine but do it without judging, attacking, or bullying.

Thank you Independent - and yes I helped my son a lot and it was very hard supporting 2 households (he would have stayed in my house if he had been allowed) - he lived in a really crappy hotel for a long while (about a year and a half) because it was the only place that would take him and was compliant. We finally found a duplex in an older part of town where the landlord would rent to him and was compliant. He is still there. He tried very hard for 2 years to find a job and it did finally pay off - he would network and talk to people (he is a very likeable guy) and finally his former employer gave him a chance. Not enough wages to support himself but it was better. From that job and making contacts a guy (owner of a storage facility) asked him if he would be willing to work part time for him. He did and worked both jobs for a while - now the second job has turned full time and they are grooming him to be an on-site manager - one benefit is that he lives free in the on=site apartment which is already approved by the SO. I am proud of him (still always worry a lot tho') However, if I had not stood by him and kept him off the streets he would not be in the situation he is in now - he had to have a stable base to deal with this crap. He also knows I kept a running tab of what I spent on him in the beginning - I will never ask him for it but if I know my son someday he will ask me the total and do the right thing. He is a good man that I know.

I never dealt with the PO either - I also told my son you must do this on your own (frankly I did not want to talk to them!) but my situation was different than Nak's becasue she had particular things that she had already fought for in her son's case and was making sure it was followed - I did not have anything like that to fight for. When they tried about 2 yearsago to tell my son and the RSO that lived in the other half of the duplex that their house was now not compliant I did get involved and fight for my son's place to live - sometimes you have to get involved - he fought too and he talked to the judge but I wrote letters and FAC helped him also. They did not give a final answer until the day before they were saying he had to move (jerks!) - turns out the person that loads info into the system of areas that were not compliant just erroneously added something near that neighborhood that did not exist - my son even got a letter from the County parks administrator that the info the SO had added was wrong! lol It was victory for sure! In that case I did get involved so different circumstance call for different actions.

There is nothing wrong with helping your son. I got lots of help too, I make that no secret. It's just cultivating independence. For me, I know my parents love me and will go to great lengths to help me, but it's not my parents and I versus the world, it's me against the world. That's the gift they gave me.

We can agree to disagree on how to treat a n adult child who's on the registry.

What we cannot do is resort to personal attacks. This thread is starting to border on being deleted.

Do we really want a newcomer come here and see us attacking one another? Do we want them to think we will attack them if we don't agree with them? Or do we want them to feel welcome and safe?

I can tell you, if I was a newcomer and reading this thread, I would not stay.

This is a warning to all - agree to disagree. Move on to another thread if this one gets you upset.

ThoughtAsWea.......I totally agree and i appreciate what you do. I thought the same and if i was a newcomer and read this thread i would be appalled.
I apologize to all of you. What i wrote was insensitive to everyone including myself. There is no excuse for what i wrote. I will not let it happen again.