Which makes me wonder.. I know I gave him this control. I'm afraid he'll put my son in prison over nothing. I hate this feeling that he scares me so much that instead of just telling him 'I don't know where my son is at the moment' I start making excuses or maybes, like 'maybe he's home sleeping, he's had trouble sleeping lately'. He doesn't need to know this. My son never gives him more than a yes or a no and doesn't like it when I talk too much. But I get scared and my brain stops and I just start talking. Like when my son was in the cop car and they were trying to get him to confess.
My son said a few things that bit him in the butt after, just because he was afraid, wanted the cops to go away and felt that if he gave them something, they would.

I need to get over this, so I can deal with the PO in a better way. I need to take the control back. I need to stop being afraid of this guy.

I'm going to work on this.

Ugh I know the feeling you are talking about - it is the PTSD we all share

Yup,.. I just realized that I too have PTSD.

Nak... why are you dealing with his PO? More importantly why is his PO contacting you? You are not the one on probation.

You dont owe the PO nothing! Would it make it easier for your son if you cooperated with the PO? Probably.
Is it neccesary? Not sure.

You have nothing to be afraid of. Dont let the PO intimidate you. Be polite and helpful if you want. A good working relationship with the PO is good. It will keep him off your and your son's back.

The PO has more power than you think. He can put your son in jail for no reason. Then he takes his time to investigate. I have seen more PO's put their clients in jail for no reason. They are the key holders.

Yes i respect their jobs...however they get power hungry.

Just remember you have control here! Dont let your emotions take over. Easier said than done but you can do it!

He just pops up at work if my son doesn't answer his door, because my son works at my shop.
I become more aware of this problem I have. I'm never ready for him and I hate to always be watching my back.

I have no respect for these guys.

I hate to say it as well Nak, you having a lawyer and going to court over all the issues you have probably makes the PO somewhat frustrated. Frustrated enough to come around and try and save face by showing you and your son he has power. I am in no way saying that is right, but it's a natural human emotion, especially people that are control hungry. Police and LE in general can be power hungry, but they are trained to always be in control, and when they have someone who in their eyes they cannot control in the way they are trained to all because of lawyers and judges it's easy to see why they might get frustrated and take it out on you guys.

Again not saying I agree with what the PO is doing, I think I see why it happening. West is right, just be confident, and polite, but you do not owe him anything. They smell fear and when you are afraid around them they go digging and looking for why you would be afraid. They don't understand that the power they wield alone is enough to give people fear.

Also really curious about this statement:

"My son said a few things that bit him in the butt after, just because he was afraid, wanted the cops to go away and felt that if he gave them something, they would."

What could he have said that bit him in the butt if he accidentally downloaded the material? Knowing what he said would be helpful and will illustrate why talking to the police ever is a terrible idea! Remember this clip?

http://youtu.be/6wXkI4t7nuc

Independent.
We've only used a lawyer once for his Sex Offender treatment that he didn't have to take. So I don't know what you're talking about. Had I not my son would have been forced to go thru that.

Which we had a legal right to do. It's not my fault he's a dick.

That's their game. I'm checking myself for the next time he shows up. He's getting a 'yes' or a 'no' and that's it. I'm sure that will frustrate him as well. .

If I may offer a suggestion....I found when talking to the PO I quickly and briefly answer their question then move on to "polite conversation"....how's the weather, are you a sports fan, just look at that dirty car parked out front......anything that is nothing and then let myself babble incessantly. Not only does it let my get out my nervousness...but next time they are less likely to WANT to have a conversation with me! win-win!!! :)

Good suggestion Sam.

Oh yea, the PTSD...I still jump when someone knocks on the door

Sam , I did the same. I'm a couponer and I can turn almost any conversation into one about coupons, deals, and clearances and I'd do it everytime the PO would stop by. I'm sure he thought ai was obssessed lol

I can identify with the PTSD. My hubby's PO I won't even go there. Terrified of the creature of the dark. She likes to play games to try to trip people up. And to play with their heads.

Yeah Nak, I'm not saying you don't have a legal right to do what you have done, you DO. And I'm also not saying that gives the PO the right to be a dick, it DOESN'T. But maybe you can see why he would try and make it harder on your son. PO's are used to ultimate control and when someone tries to assert their rights they will make you pay for it. Much like going to trial versus taking a plea. You absolutely have the right to a trial, but the DA is sure going to make you pay and pay and pay when you lose. In your situation even when you win, you lose, it is a terrible situation, I'm sorry you have to go through it.

So what is there excuse for treating someone like the scum of the earth when they do not try to assert a thing? My husbands PO has treated him like shit from day one and after 4 years still does. She is a pathological liar and plays mind games over and over. And she does it with all of her "clients" as she calls them. I am sorry but I think saying it was because he tried to assert is rights is a simplistic view of it. More than likely even if had not tried to assert a thing the PO would be just the same.