Families of SOs Community Group
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My son's girlfriend supported him all through his trial, but after he was sentenced to 4-yrs-to-life, she dumped him, went back to her former boyfriend, and got pregnant with that guy's child. She's 5 months along now.
This girl (I'll call her M) has had in her possession something of my son's that is very valuable and she has promised me over and over again that she'll give it to me. My son keeps asking whether I got the item from her and I keep telling him no. He's getting very worried that she might throw it away or destroy it, out of spite. So, he wants me to put more urgency into trying to get it back from her.
So, yesterday, I went to her house, knocked on the door, but no one was home. So, I left a note on the door. Something I said in the note (that she was being uncooperative) made her mad. So then, she sent me a text message saying the same thing she's said repeatedly over the months...that she was not feeling up to looking through her many storage boxes, because she's pregnant. She also wrote some nasty things about my son.
I ignored her flaming and just restated several times that she has something that doesn't belong to her and my son wants her to give it to me. She said I should wait six more months and then she might feel like looking for it. I told her I was not willing to wait that long, because my son needs it to apply for a halfway house. She said that, just because I was being so demanding, she will make me wait even longer and may never get around to it.
I said I was willing to wait only 6 more days and gave her a deadline of next Wednesday. She said I would just have to wait and that she was finished texting. I told her to have a good night.
Several times during our texting marathon, however, she threatened to call the police and tell them I was harassing her. Well, about 15 minutes after the last text, I received a phone call from a local police officer. He stated right away that no one was in trouble, but he just wanted to talk about M's allegations that I was harassing her. He said he asked M several questions about the frequency and nature of my text messages. Based on her answers, he told her that my actions do NOT constitute the legal definition of harassment. He even gave M and me the state statute number, so we could look it up in the internet.
The officer was very polite and diplomatic, for which I thanked him. He said he had suggested to M that she could just give me the item and the situation would then be resolved. He said, however, that M was not responsive to that. I told him he had the same results I was having.
He politely explained that this is not a criminal matter, because no crime has been committed. Rather, he said, it's a civil matter and he recommended I contact the local county civil division and ask for their advice. I thought that was very nice of him to offer that info.
At the end of our conversation he did ask for my full name and date of birth. I gave him that info and asked if he was going to do a background check on me. He said no. (I'm clean as a whistle, but it still makes me uncomfortable.)
So, my question to my fellow posters is this...
Do you have any advice on what I can do to get this item from M?
By the way, about a year ago, my son gave me power of attorney over all his affairs.
This girl (I'll call her M) has had in her possession something of my son's that is very valuable and she has promised me over and over again that she'll give it to me. My son keeps asking whether I got the item from her and I keep telling him no. He's getting very worried that she might throw it away or destroy it, out of spite. So, he wants me to put more urgency into trying to get it back from her.
So, yesterday, I went to her house, knocked on the door, but no one was home. So, I left a note on the door. Something I said in the note (that she was being uncooperative) made her mad. So then, she sent me a text message saying the same thing she's said repeatedly over the months...that she was not feeling up to looking through her many storage boxes, because she's pregnant. She also wrote some nasty things about my son.
I ignored her flaming and just restated several times that she has something that doesn't belong to her and my son wants her to give it to me. She said I should wait six more months and then she might feel like looking for it. I told her I was not willing to wait that long, because my son needs it to apply for a halfway house. She said that, just because I was being so demanding, she will make me wait even longer and may never get around to it.
I said I was willing to wait only 6 more days and gave her a deadline of next Wednesday. She said I would just have to wait and that she was finished texting. I told her to have a good night.
Several times during our texting marathon, however, she threatened to call the police and tell them I was harassing her. Well, about 15 minutes after the last text, I received a phone call from a local police officer. He stated right away that no one was in trouble, but he just wanted to talk about M's allegations that I was harassing her. He said he asked M several questions about the frequency and nature of my text messages. Based on her answers, he told her that my actions do NOT constitute the legal definition of harassment. He even gave M and me the state statute number, so we could look it up in the internet.
The officer was very polite and diplomatic, for which I thanked him. He said he had suggested to M that she could just give me the item and the situation would then be resolved. He said, however, that M was not responsive to that. I told him he had the same results I was having.
He politely explained that this is not a criminal matter, because no crime has been committed. Rather, he said, it's a civil matter and he recommended I contact the local county civil division and ask for their advice. I thought that was very nice of him to offer that info.
At the end of our conversation he did ask for my full name and date of birth. I gave him that info and asked if he was going to do a background check on me. He said no. (I'm clean as a whistle, but it still makes me uncomfortable.)
So, my question to my fellow posters is this...
Do you have any advice on what I can do to get this item from M?
By the way, about a year ago, my son gave me power of attorney over all his affairs.
I'm the loved one of two incarcerated individuals who have sex offense convictions, so this forum is very much for me. I'm here for my sons, especially the one involved in the situation under discussion.
..........
Honestwitness: Jun 11
Does your boyfriend know you still have my son’s hard drives?
M: Jun 11
I honestly don't even know where they are. The way I see it...it'll be a long time until he's out so I'm not in a rush to find anything. He will get them when I'm ready to deal with that.
Honestwitness: Jun 11
I just thought you would want to be done with that part of your life, to make your boyfriend feel secure in your relationship. I'll be happy to take them, whenever you're ready to put my son behind you once and for all.
M: Jun 11
He already is in the past. My boyfriend is fine in our relationship. That is why it's hard for me to go find that stuff because I don't feel like thinking about it but when I'm ready I will. I'm not hanging onto anything.
Honestwitness: Jun 11
Why would your boyfriend object to my giving you a baby gift, then?
M: Jun 11
Honestly I think that's a little inappropriate for my child to be wrapped in or play with something from my ex's mother. My ex which is someone my boyfriend doesn't like. I don't like any of his ex's either so it's totally understandable.
Honestwitness: Jun 11
I know you and my son are a thing of the past. It's over. I told him you were afraid to tell me your address. He told me he would never try to get you back, especially now that you're starting a family with your boyfriend. I just want to do something nice for YOU, because you made me very happy that you were supportive of my son during his trial.
M: Jun 11
I can appreciate that but it's still a little weird for me. Sorry :/
M: Jun 11
I'm glad that he realizes that though
Honestwitness: Jun 11
I understand. Really, I do. But, just so I won't feel awkward to keep asking you for my son's hard drives, I would be very glad to get that part over with at your earliest convenience. Then, if you wish, I won't communicate with you any more.
M: Jun 11
I will do it when I'm ready. It probably won't be for a while but I promise he will get his hard drives. [Please note the promise here.]
Honestwitness: Jun 11
Thank you, sweetie! I really do appreciate you and I really mean it, when I say congratulations on your new little one.
[Here is where I left a note on her door yesterday, which was ready by another member of her family.]
M: 7:01 PM (18 hours ago)
Really? You get my family involved and lie in the process?? I never refused to give them back...I told you to wait. Why would I want those stupid hard drives anyway?? I don't even know how to read them nor do I care to. I will get them back to you. This is between me and you and your son, leave my family out of it or I will call the authority.
M: 7:04 PM (18 hours ago)
If you bug me long enough I might not even go find them. It's not going to make me do it any faster if anything you're just prolonging the process.
Honestwitness: 7:07 PM (18 hours ago)
I would like to get the hard drive from you tomorrow. Will you be agreeable to that? My son says he's not in a hurry for the pics on your computer. But he does want me to get the hard drive from you immediately. Are you willing to give me the hard drive tomorrow?
Honestwitness: 7:20 PM (18 hours ago)
My son is eligible for a halfway house already. That's why he wants me to get his hard drive. It has important information on it that he needs now.
Honestwitness: 7:44 PM (18 hours ago)
I received your voice mail. I realize you're pregnancy makes you feel sick. Maybe your boyfriend could help you go through the boxes.
M: 7:55 PM (17 hours ago)
No I'm not sick anymore. I just don't know where they are to even start looking. My bf works 6 days a week and the day he has off I have to work so it's really difficult to get that done. I highly doubt he's already getting out... That doesn't make any sense.
Honestwitness: 8:00 PM (17 hours ago)
I don't wish to explain everything about my son's case. It's not for you (as his ex) to make sense of, anyway. All you're being asked to do is give me the hard drive tomorrow. If that won't work, I need to know a specific time when you can. If you're not willing to cooperate in giving it at the earliest possible time, I consider that refusing to cooperate.
M: 8:02 PM (17 hours ago)
And if I refuse to cooperate? Btw I might have given the hard drives back to his dad, I don't remember.
Honestwitness: 8:04 PM (17 hours ago)
No, you did not give them back to his dad. If you had, I wouldn't be asking. And, my son said all he wants is his hard drive...there is only one.
M: 8:04 PM (17 hours ago)
Your son deserves to be in jail for a longer time. He is a filthy self centered sex obsessed individual and will most likely try to take advantage of another women thinking he can get away with it and what scares me is that he probably will get away with it. [By he way, M was not the victim in my son's crime.]
M: 8:06 PM (17 hours ago)
Well if I can't find it then its probably with his dad. [I’ve deleted a very scathing accusation here.]
Honestwitness: 8:06 PM (17 hours ago)
Nevertheless, if someone has in his possession something that belongs to someone else and refuses to give it back when asked, is that not also a crime?
M: 8:07 PM (17 hours ago)
How is that a crime if I don't even know if I have it, go ahead, call the cops...I will call them and tell them you're harassing me.
Honestwitness: 8:08 PM (17 hours ago)
I'm asking for this on my behalf, as much as on my son's. I'm innocent of any crime, including harassment. All I'm doing is asking for something that doesn't belong to you, but does belong to my son.
Honestwitness: 8:10 PM (17 hours ago)
I am willing to help you look through the boxes, if you're boyfriend is not able to help.
M: 8:12 PM (17 hours ago)
Yes. Something I might not even have. This makes me not even want to try to look for you. I wouldn't want you to help me. I don't even want to see you. Leave me alone and tell your [deleted] son to f*** off.
Honestwitness: 8:15 PM (17 hours ago)
When I have the hard drive in my hands, that's the last you'll ever hear from me. You're in control of this situation. All you have to do is give me the hard drive and this will all be over.
M: 8:17 PM (17 hours ago)
[Another vicious accusation about my son deleted.]
Honestwitness: 8:18 PM (17 hours ago)
Regardless of your opinion of my son, you have something that doesn't belong to you that the owner wants back. It's your responsibility to do the right thing.
M: 8:20 PM (17 hours ago)
You keep saying I have it...we don't know that for a fact. I don't really care.
Honestwitness: 8:21 PM (17 hours ago)
I believe you do have it, based on all your communications with me and with [a friend of my son’s] over the past months.
M: 8:22 PM (17 hours ago)
I've been telling you I don't know where it is...why would I want something I can't even use??
Honestwitness: 8:22 PM (17 hours ago)
Exactly!
M: 8:24 PM (17 hours ago)
Exactly!! So why do you say I'm not going to give you it if I have it or if I can find it??
Honestwitness: 8:26 PM (17 hours ago)
I am confident you will do the right thing and give me the hard drive at your earliest opportunity, because I know you don't hold any grudges against me personally.
M: 8:26 PM (17 hours ago)
I’ll look for it within the next 6 months, deal? K? Now leave me alone
M: 8:28 PM (17 hours ago)
I think it's annoying how you try to act so sweet but underneath you are not who you act like...you're fake, just like your son.
Honestwitness: 8:34 PM (17 hours ago)
Regardless, you have something that does not belong to you and I'm asking for it back on my son's behalf. Some day you'll understand why a mother would try to help her son, no matter what kind of a person he may turn out to be.
Honestwitness: 8:35 PM (17 hours ago)
Six months is not acceptable. Six days is the longest I'm willing to keep asking nicely. I'm expecting a response that you have the hard drive and are ready to give it on July 3rd or sooner. I am not willing to be strung along beyond that.
M: 8:37 PM (17 hours ago)
And then what?
Honestwitness: 8:39 PM (17 hours ago)
There won't be any "then what?" I am trusting you to do the right thing and get this over with, once and for all. I just think it helps us both to have a deadline.
M: 8:40 PM (17 hours ago)
Just leave me alone. Why should I even try to look for it?
Honestwitness: 8:41 PM (17 hours ago)
Because I'm asking and it doesn't belong to you.
Honestwitness: 8:42 PM (17 hours ago)
I *WILL* leave you alone...AFTER...I have the hard drive. Just think how peaceful that will be!
M: 8:42 PM (17 hours ago)
How many times do I have to say this?? I don't even know if I have it. I am about to call the cops and I won't even look for it.
M: 8:43 PM (17 hours ago)
6 months is my deal...I don't see why he is in such a rush. I guess we will find out within the next 6 months
M: 8:44 PM (17 hours ago)
I remember having some of his clothes in my car that you wouldn't take when I gave them to you so I just threw them away. It might have been in there.
Honestwitness: 8:46 PM (17 hours ago)
If that's the case, why have you indicated to [my son’s friend] and me (recently) that you do have the hard drive?
M: 8:48 PM (17 hours ago)
Because I thought maybe I did. Now that I think about it, I'm not so sure.
Honestwitness: 8:50 PM (17 hours ago)
If you discarded the hard drive, after it has been in your possession all this time, that is not good at all. I thought you were more mature than that.
M: 8:50 PM (17 hours ago)
Either way, I really don't care...I'm being honest when I say I don't know where they are, whether they are with his dad or with me.
M: 8:51 PM (17 hours ago)
I just said I would do that on purpose if I had it...I was saying I didn't really look in the bag with cloths. I don't really know what was in there.
Honestwitness: 8:53 PM (17 hours ago)
All these many months you've led [my son’s friend] and me to believe you would be able to find my son's items, if you just took the time to look. All I'm asking is for you to do what you PROMISED me in your previous text message.
M: 8:56 PM (17 hours ago)
Nothing you say is going to change my mind. I'm a very stubborn person so I suggest giving me the time I need. I'm done texting now. Bye. Ps. Leave my family out of it or I will call the cops.
Honestwitness: 8:57 PM (17 hours ago)
Have a good night!
Did you notice her proud claim to be a "very stubborn person?" I really wish her no harm or unneeded stress. But, my impression is that she's willingly bringing stress onto herself, by being so obstinate.
Who knows the letter might just put the wind up her to get it back to you.
Good luck I hope you get it back.
It.
So, I'm going to contact a lawyer on Monday and see how much that will cost me.