I know how you feel. My world was turned upside down when our daughter told me of her abuse. I believed her, and he admitted to his actions. He was remorseful, and she has forgiven him. The legal system was very difficult for all of us to navigate through. This place was my saving grace!

If the girls are lying about the abuse, pray they admit to it, or decline to testify, that will be the only way he can escape this, as the likelihood of getting a not guilty is almost non-existent.

I don't mean to discourage you, but want to prepare you for what you are in store. People don't believe that children would lie, but they do. They could have been abused, but blame it on someone else...

Crittercrazymom,

Glad to see you over here. Of course, you know me from the Families of Prisoners group, but I do most of my posting here.

The majority of this group are the ladies-----the mothers, wives, GFs, and family members of sex offenders either in prison, on probation, or just registrants. There are a few registrants who post here as well.

The people over here are not only knowledgeable about the laws and a good source of information, but they are also helpful. Just remember that everyone over here has either been through this mess or are going through this mess, so we can all identify with you and your problems.

If you have a question or problem for which we do not have the answer, we can either find the answer for you or point you in the right direction to get the answer to your question.

We pool all our ideas and hopefully learn from each other. We need people like you.

Glad to have you.

rewdiazepam

BTW, do NOT---do NOT---talk to anyone in law enforcement or anyone from the DA's office. They are not out to help, but only to garner a conviction and send your husband to prison.

These people are not your friends even though they will act like it at times in an attempt to get you to lower your guard and start talking. Anything you say, no matter how innocent, will be used against your husband.

You have absolutely no obligation to speak with law enforcement, so don't. I would also refrain from talking to anyone but the PD about the case also.

Many an innocent man has found himself in a 7' by 9' prison cell because he talked to the police. So zip it up.

You said, "...the detective and the cps lady responded with kids don't lie."

Yes they do. In my case the "victim" came forward 15 years later and admitted what we all knew----she lied. Kids will lie about things just as adults will. There are others on this forum who will attest to the fact that yes, children will and do lie sometimes.

Take one day at a time. Try not to look too far into the future at situations which may or may not happen. It is only human nature to do this, but doing so is borrowing trouble.

You CAN and you WILL get through this. There will be times when you think you cannot make it, but you will. Humans are resilient creatures and can endure many hardships by adapting.

Keep your faith, God bless you, and welcome to the board.

rewdiazepam

Thank you I am starting to think his public defender isn't trying to help him at all. She has failed to go see him twice now. Last court date he hadn't felt she helped him at all. I was going to go down there but I don't want to mess things up for him. We are not supposed to talk about the case and we try not too but when he felt she hasn't done anything he had to let me know.

Rew I was pretty much forced to talking to the detective and cps in the beginning because if I had refused they could have taken all of my kids away or at least that's what it seemed like. I am done with the detective, and the cps lady closed the case unless something changes. Basically all that was gone over with them was timeline on where we lived, how we met. Now I have to do what I can get info to his defender. It makes me sick that his public defender isn't doing what she promised and I have begged her to help him. She seemed like a nice lady too.

Critter,

Having a PD is not the ideal situation, especially in a sex crime situation.

Many PDs are competent defense attorneys, but their case load is so heavy that they cannot do justice to any one case. Many will not work the case as it should be worked and only want to work out a plea bargain with the prosecutor.

If the girls stand by their story and can appear anything close to credible, then going to trial would be a huge roll of the dice. But, of course, every case is different, but it is very, very difficult for any defendant with charges against minors to win an acquittal at trial.

One reason it is difficult to prevail at trial is that some people believe, just like the detective, that kids would not lie about something like this. Another reason is that jurors do not want to take the chance of acquitting a sex offender and then having him go out and repeat his actions.

Relax as much as you can. We are here for you.

rewdiazepam

I also want to tell you IF CPS is called again, you do not have to talk to them. You are under no obligation, as they already closed the case with you. The DA will lie to you and the girls, telling you all that "you have to testify". Do not buy into this. I was told by an attorney afterwards that daughter and I were not legally bound to testify and if he had an attorney we wouldn't have been placed on the stand.

DA will do everything to intimidate you, including threatening to have your children removed. If you can't afford an attorney for your husband, secure one for yourself and one for the girls (tell their father that for their own best interest they need to have an attorney to represent them). Do not indicate in any way that you believe they are lying.

Another thing, your husband can request to be assigned a new attorney. Document everything, to show that attorney isn't doing his/her job.

He can also give the attorney permission to speak to you.

Wow we are going through. The same thing almost to the day but mine was a year earlier what state are you in

Glad you found us. Welcome. Listen to Rew. He has kept me sane. Read the stories here and educate yourself about the process as much as possible. It is not an easy road.

You will ride a roller coaster of emotions, but take things one day at the time, or one minute at the time. However you can. Take care of yourself and breathe. I found that keeping busy helps me. First few months all I did was cry. I did what I had to do but I cried through it all. I cried so much I didn't even know what it was like not to cry. Eventually my senses started to return.

Its a hard road, but hopefully you can find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone, and everyone here is helpful and non judgmental. I wish you the best. Hang in there

.

How does one go about requesting a new attorney? Scared we are in Wisconsin. You?

I don't know how it works in Wisconsin, but my son is in Montana. His first PD was a total waste of space, lied to him and to the judge, never presented my son with the plea deal that was offered (told me he wouldn't let him sign it). He had permission to talk to me (I have power of attorney), but just to keep me "in the loop". He assumed that I would communicate the legal info to my son. In a years time he talked to my son 2 or 3 times and saw him once. My son wrote a letter to the judge stating that he does not feel he is getting proper representation, his attorney is not communicating with him at all. When he went to court, the judge asked the attorney a few questions, and then granted my son's request. I may have a copy of the letter he sent. I will look for it and send you the wording he used if you wish.
Welcome to the group, sorry you have a need to be here.

Glad you found us I will say the 1st of everything was hard I went to see a therapist she said you are basically grieving like someone who lost a spouse because in a way you are and death would be easier because that is final this isn't. My situation involves my husband and daughter as well his step she was 14 when he was arrested this year has flew by and I am hoping that the rest do as well until he comes home. Feel free to pm me oh and my husband have 3 kids together and I have 3 from before him

My step-daughter falsely accused her dad. She had multiple reasons, anger because we reported the 23 yr old cousin who had been messing with her (she was 13 at the time), anger cos we wouldn't let her go live with my in-laws (where that abuse happened) a desire to stay in the school she was in (for kids that had issues in school) etc. In short, my in-laws knew that she had these issues and they were angry with us, and they manipulated her.
It went to trial, there was a hung jury, and my hubby took a plea. She has since admitted to me, in front of her grandmother, that she'd lied. Too little to late, sadly.
So, yes...kids absolutely do lie