Was his sentence a federal conviction or a state conviction?

In the federal system, there is no parole and an inmate does approximately 85% of his sentence. Parole in the federal system was abolished under the Reagan administration.

If state, it might be somewhat better. He will be eligible for parole at some point and he should get some days reduced via good time credits, so it is not nearly as bad as federal. His best chance of an early release is through parole rather than good time credits, but with the intent to "promote" CP, that might be difficult.

No, your mothering or lack of it had absolutely nothing to do with his crime. He makes his own decisions, so quit beating yourself up looking for reasons that this happened.

If he goes to any security higher than a minimum---or low in federal----yes, he will have to be careful as the other inmates in the higher securities put sex offenders and snitches at the bottom of the totem pole.

If you are worried about his safety, message me.

rewdiazepam

Welcome and know that you have found your community.

Welcome. Rew is right, you didn't fail as a mother. Having your son going to prison is like loosing a loved one, you go through stages of grief. You can get through this and we will be here to help.

rewdiazepam, Thanks for the reply I believe it was a state conviction. Yes i am worried about his safety! This is really driving me crazy! I cry all the time. He is a very tender hearted person and is always the person who knows when someone else was hurting. I am sorry but i dont know how to message you! I will try to do that.

Thanks

Thank you! You are right i feel like i have lost him! I do still feel like a failure as a mom though. I feel like i should have known all this was happening. It was such a shock to me and then i felt like they would give him a chance with rehab. I have read that sometime this is a psychological problem as well as a very hard addiction. I was told Texas was the worst state but i dont think any state is better or worse when it comes to this. I am so glad that i found a place with people who understand! Thank you

Quitabug, please clarify. You said you have "caught him doing the same thing." If you have knowledge that someone is committing a crime, the first person you need to contact is a criminal defense attorney. Do not discuss this with anyone but an attorney.

Honest, I am sorry I didn't clarify myself. No he has not been looking at CP! He has not committed a crime. I am sorry I did not catch that before it posted. I was in tears and just didn't pay attention. I have caught him in another relationship with an adult online! My sons crime was done online also. Please forgive me for not double checking myself. Yes you are right I would not want to discuss the crime with out an attorney.

I[m so sorry that you are going thru this. And they are right you will go thru the stages of grief. You didn't do anything wrong, don't blame yourself. My fiance is going to serve time for CP and he hasn't been sentenced yet. I'm worried as well. He's going to Federal prison. I am going thru the same thing you are. At first I blamed myself for not being a good girlfriend and how I could have prevented this from happening if I had not been so mean to him, hence the breakup. We were broken up for five months and that's when he got involved with her then he got busted. I passed that stage and I think right now I'm in the anger stage. Its going to take time hun. I promise you that you will get thru this. Let me know if I can be of any help. I can always lend an ear.

Stop blaming yourself for what your son did; he made his own choice! My son also has a cp conviction. I also had no idea he was doing anything. It;s hard not to blame yourself but really, it's NOT YOUR FAULT!

As far as how much of his time he'll have to serve, each state is different. Wish I could tell you more. Hang in there. You'll get through this.

I think nearly everyone here will confirm that at some point we've questioned whether we are to blame, whether it's a son, a boyfriend, or a husband as in my case. But in the end they all make their own choices and right or wrong there's no going back! I truly believe in the expression "Even good people do bad things sometimes"......

And there are stages....and there are stages that you feel at each step of the process. I have not yet reached the sentencing step (and it's federal, so it's BIG time).... but I can tell you I've gone from guilty, to angry at him, to angry at the system to feeling sorry for myself and back again several times. If you need someone to talk to privately, please don't hesitate to contact me!

You are not a failure. I feel the same way. When I look at both of my kids I feel that same way. But we have to remember they are adults and capable of making their own choices. I will forever stick by my son, and we only want to protect them. I pray to god each day. Someone at posted a "prayer for my son" on this site, and it is very helpful. I t is out of our hands, but you have alot of people here for you that feel the same way you do....My prayers will be for you....Sorry you have to go through this; it sucks!

Just as everyone else said, please don't blame yourself. You didn't do this. It has nothing to do with his upbringing. I blamed myself for my husband's choices. I beat myself up for not being pretty enough, not being skinny enough, not handling money good enough...the list goes on and on. I finally realized it wasn't my fault. I could have done everything he wanted and bent over backwards for him and he still would have done what he did. His poor mother goes through the same thing you are going through and constantly thanks me for staying with him (leaving him was never an option, the Lord put us together for a reason). It will be a long journey but you will soon realize it's not your fault.

He will be ok in prison. I had severe panic attacks thinking about my husband in prison. Now that he has been there for almost 2 1/2 months I realize that all that panic was for nothing. It's ok to be concerned for his safety. I'm always concerned for my husband, but not to the extent that I'm loosing my mind.

You will be in my prayers. If you need to vent or talk or anything else please feel free to send me a message. We are all here for you. I don't want to sound preachy, but this bible verse came to mind. "Carry each other's burdens..." Galatians 6:2

Alik76, I appreciate the Bible verse.

Thanks for all the support everyone. Alik76 I too have had panic attacks! I will wake up at night not able to breath! It takes me a good while to calm down. I have not slept a full night in a long time. I do worry about his safety in prison. We have heard so many horror stories about things that happen there. I have been trying to trust God to take care of him and leave it in his hands.

@honest, I have a ton more if you need them!

@quitabug, the only thing you can do is leave it in God's hands. He has a plan for all of us. We will never know what it is but it's to eventually bring us to everlasting life with Him. I never understood why my family had to go through this. We have 3 children and I would question why God would put them through this hell. Now that the dust is starting to settle I see some of his plans. He brought us to an amazing church where I have had an amazing amount of support that I wasn't getting anywhere else. They have become my family. They encourage me to stay with my husband (which is what I want to do) instead of telling my I should kick him to the curb (which is what my family wants me to do). My husband is in prison and when he sees an open door to tell someone about God's love he walks through it. He's already spoken to some men who were on the fence with their faith. Just keep having faith that the Lord is going to protect him because He will. I can tell you this journey will not be easy, just because you have the Lord doesn't mean your life will suddenly be sunshine and roses, but you will look back and see that here and there God gave you blessings along the way. Remember that the goal is eternal life with Him, not sunshine and rainbows everyday in this life.

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you" Isaiah 41:13