WELCOME! Unfortunately it wont help to play the "what if "game, believe me that will just drive you crazy and raise more questions. I know you may have many questions but do not blame yourself for a choice that your adult son made. As a parent we teach our kids to make the right choice for his or her situation at the time and apparently he believed this was the correct choice for him.
Why he made this choice no one will ever know maybe not even him. But as far as needing someone to talk to we all understand completely. Having someone committed of a sex crime to most people is like some disease but we all understand so come here anytime you need to talk or just ask questions. Someone is always around!

I think I understand how you feel, my 37 year old son was living under my roof when he was arrested for on line CP (he had moved back home 3 years prior due to an illness). My husband (my son's step father) tries very hard to be supportive, and he always asks with every phone call and every letter, how he is doing, and whats going on, but I really do not feel that I can talk to him openly about it. Finding this place was a godsend. I don't know what I would have done without this place and everyone here. I still kind of play the "I should have known, if only I knew I could have stopped him" (you know, shoulda, woulda, coulda) game, but every one here is right. You can't blame yourself, he made his own choices. My son is currently serving 10 years federal, and facing the possibility of another 15 years because of charges in another state. When my son was first incarcerated, I was terrified for him, but it has only been 4 months and he seems to be handling it so far.
Playing the "what if" game will not do any good for anyone. I try to concentrate on just being there for my son. I make sure he knows that I will always love him no matter what.
Unfortunately all you can do is be there for him, support him, and pray for him. Know that you have found the right place for a shoulder to lean on. You are not alone. I am here if you need me, as is everyone here. Please feel free to message me if you feel the need.

It is hard not to look back and wonder if we could have somehow parented better. But the fact is, they grew up. And when they did, they could make the choice for themselves. They chose poorly. It is not your fault...not our fault.

Thank you Kitty, Your story is very similar to mine. I still wonder if i would have done something different would things have turned out differently. It has helped me so much to have all of you to talk to. I really thought when all this happened that i was the only one who had ever gone through this. In the back of my mind i knew i wasn't but...... I appreciate each and everyone of you for your suppport and advice.

Sorry I have no words of wisdom or support right now becasue my heart is breaking for you. I do know you are not to blame - how old is your son? Also, that intent to promote probably means he had sharing on in a peer-to-peer network?

I also have had panic attacks in the middle of the night -

When my son first got charged his lawyer told my husband and I that he is in a very large boat with a lot of company. She blamed the internet, she said it would not be as prevalent as it is if it weren't so readily available. I tend to agree with her.

i too blame the internet but only because it made it readily available and easier to access.

but i blame other things as well. family issues, insecurity, lack of self confidence and curiosity (big one) too.

Thank you Advocate2! My son is 23! I understood that if he had 3 photos that meant he got intent to promote. I am not sure about that tho. I am still trying to learn all this. I am not to smart either with the peer to peer networks! There are so many ! What do you do to help with the panic attacks?

Yes kitty and Echo i blame the internet also. I agree tho that there are more things that should be blamed also. I guess my biggest thing right now is why don't they go after the ones who took the photos? What about the older under aged girls who put their own photos online? Why do they just walk away and my son go to prison? I guess i am to the anger stage of all this. I am sure that will change when he is shipped off. I am sure i will be back to depressed and worried! It just seems my emotions are on a roller coaster right now.

quitabug,
Hi, hope you are well today! :) It's not your fault. It doesn't matter how well you bring someone up sometimes we make the wrong choice it's not your defect just human nature it's how we learn and while this is an expensive lesson I guarantee he has learned to be more careful and thoughtful in his future choices. We have to fail sometimes to learn major life lessons. I hope all works out well for him. Prison is survivable I did five in this lovely state at some pretty messed up camps. we are all here for you to lean on!!!!!

please dont ever think of yourself as a failure of a mom. I am sure your son worries constantly that that is somethink you might think, he knows your not.

Seriously, until your caught up in it, people have no idea just how many young men have been taken down by these exact charges. He most likely was looking at what he thought was "legal" porn, since alot of times that is in fact how it is portrayed. The girls dont have to look under 18, and the probably took the pictures consensually.

This is how our goverment makes money, thus making the world go round. You did nothing wrong, you are a victim of the state.

Thanks Amy! He has told me it was not my fault! You are right about not understanding everything until you are caught up in it. Honestly I still don't understand!
It has helped me a lot being on here and talking to everyone! I really didn't think anyone would ever understand . I talked to a few friends but they didn't really get it. They tried hard to but..... It's nice to talk to others who truly understand,

I can't say it enough ! Thanks for the support and listening ear

Quitabug;

don't ever feel like your alone. i dare say that there are quite a few of us who have felt guilty, blamed ourselves and wondered how, why or that we should have known. and i ask how or why we should have known unless there were huge flags with lettering on them.

and i too never understood. i had no idea of what this would be like or how it was or how it's going to be. i never thought a thing about what happened to someone after they were arrested, convicted and sentenced or what might happen after they get out. never, not once did i ever give a thought of how this affected the families, children, friends or even the SO. the aftermath or what they had to live and deal with on a daily bases.

i feel shame that i never gave any thought about any of that part of it. i can plead ignorance but that doesn't help me to forgive myself. all i can do now is support my daughter, the people here and try to spread the word about how miserable the sex offender laws are and how horrific the registry truly is. how the registry impacts and endangers so many innocents.