Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I understand that most of the ladies on this forum are in both in love and in a relationship with their guy in prison or are mothers who love their sons.
This post is mostly for the ladies here that are having difficulties with their families and friends for being in a relationship with an inmate; but the same sentiment I am about to express also is applicable for all the dear moms who support their son in prison.
Having been in prison many years, and understanding the dynamics of prison relationships and the manner in which inmates think, some here will no doubt get burned. You will not get hurt necessarily because your guy is a bad person, as your family may think, but because prison changes people and your man coming out of prison may not be the same person as he was when he went in; therefore, the relationship will not work.
But guess what, relationships fail even here in the outside world when both the man and woman fall in love. People change, the nature of the bond is altered, and the relationship falls apart even under the best of circumstances.
But true love and/or finding a soul mate only happens maybe once in a lifetime and for many, never at all. Love is such a tenuous proposition that if a ladyor a man---finds that one person he or she would be a fool to let him go and give up. And for many that one person happens to be in prison.
So if a lady finds the one she is madly in love with and it is much more than just infatuation, she needs to go for it with all the gusto she can musterit only happens once in a lifetime.
Your families do not understand that there are many good and decent men in prison; it is not difficult, under the right circumstances, to find oneself in prison. When I was in prison, prison was really prison, and unless a person was innocent, most of the inmates there needed to be there.
And there are many innocent people in prison. Trust me.
It is not like that today---and people and families of those who love prisoners just cannot seem to understand that fact. The prison population has so been diluted down with guys who just made a mistake rather than the really bad guys, that having a loved one in prison should not be that much a downer to other people.
The families of the ladies who love these inmates cannot understand that many are decent people and some families will never even give them a chance. So sad.
And if the relationship fails, the lady will suffer, not the family; but she is willing to take the chance and accept the circumstances if it fails. She will suffer, not the judgmental family.
The families should allow their daughter to make that mistake if indeed it is a mistake. After all, the daughter knows the inmate and her heart much better than the family.
I can understand protecting a daughter by giving her your opinion, but many of these families go too far. I have a daughter and if she came to me one day and explained to me that she was in a relationship with someone I did not approve, I would do EVERYTHING in my power to make it work for her.
I would accept her new boyfriend with open arms because I love my daughter and want their relationship to work out for her. Nobody benefits from a failed relationship.
What I do not understand is the fact that many families turn their backs on their children when they find out they are involved with an inmate. Do these families not love their children? At a time when a daughter needs her family the most, they are casting her out. That is very cruel---and very wrong.
It is easy for most people in this country to be judgmental when they can sit home, eating a hot meal, with their feet propped up watching the latest NFL game while drinking a beer. But inmates do not have that. And most of the ladies who love inmates do not have that.
While the family is watching that NFL game in the comfort of their own home, the daughter is struggling to make ends meet and driving a car that is unreliable hundreds of miles to visit the man she loves in a controlled visiting room for a few hours every week.
Most families will never have the courage and dedication that you amazing ladies have. It truly does take a special kind of womanone that you dont see every day-- to endure the hardships necessary to love a man in prison.
It is also easy to be critical of a lady who loves an inmate. After all, the fun of belittling someone else is that it mitigates ones own character failures.
Judgmental people, especially families, are so pitiful. Really.
So ladies, go for your dreams and reach for the stars. Yes, you could be disappointed when your man is released, but you could also have a much stronger bond than ever before.
Love and believe in your man---enduring love only happens once in a lifetime.
How can anyone criticize you for following your dreams?
rewdiazepam
This post is mostly for the ladies here that are having difficulties with their families and friends for being in a relationship with an inmate; but the same sentiment I am about to express also is applicable for all the dear moms who support their son in prison.
Having been in prison many years, and understanding the dynamics of prison relationships and the manner in which inmates think, some here will no doubt get burned. You will not get hurt necessarily because your guy is a bad person, as your family may think, but because prison changes people and your man coming out of prison may not be the same person as he was when he went in; therefore, the relationship will not work.
But guess what, relationships fail even here in the outside world when both the man and woman fall in love. People change, the nature of the bond is altered, and the relationship falls apart even under the best of circumstances.
But true love and/or finding a soul mate only happens maybe once in a lifetime and for many, never at all. Love is such a tenuous proposition that if a ladyor a man---finds that one person he or she would be a fool to let him go and give up. And for many that one person happens to be in prison.
So if a lady finds the one she is madly in love with and it is much more than just infatuation, she needs to go for it with all the gusto she can musterit only happens once in a lifetime.
Your families do not understand that there are many good and decent men in prison; it is not difficult, under the right circumstances, to find oneself in prison. When I was in prison, prison was really prison, and unless a person was innocent, most of the inmates there needed to be there.
And there are many innocent people in prison. Trust me.
It is not like that today---and people and families of those who love prisoners just cannot seem to understand that fact. The prison population has so been diluted down with guys who just made a mistake rather than the really bad guys, that having a loved one in prison should not be that much a downer to other people.
The families of the ladies who love these inmates cannot understand that many are decent people and some families will never even give them a chance. So sad.
And if the relationship fails, the lady will suffer, not the family; but she is willing to take the chance and accept the circumstances if it fails. She will suffer, not the judgmental family.
The families should allow their daughter to make that mistake if indeed it is a mistake. After all, the daughter knows the inmate and her heart much better than the family.
I can understand protecting a daughter by giving her your opinion, but many of these families go too far. I have a daughter and if she came to me one day and explained to me that she was in a relationship with someone I did not approve, I would do EVERYTHING in my power to make it work for her.
I would accept her new boyfriend with open arms because I love my daughter and want their relationship to work out for her. Nobody benefits from a failed relationship.
What I do not understand is the fact that many families turn their backs on their children when they find out they are involved with an inmate. Do these families not love their children? At a time when a daughter needs her family the most, they are casting her out. That is very cruel---and very wrong.
It is easy for most people in this country to be judgmental when they can sit home, eating a hot meal, with their feet propped up watching the latest NFL game while drinking a beer. But inmates do not have that. And most of the ladies who love inmates do not have that.
While the family is watching that NFL game in the comfort of their own home, the daughter is struggling to make ends meet and driving a car that is unreliable hundreds of miles to visit the man she loves in a controlled visiting room for a few hours every week.
Most families will never have the courage and dedication that you amazing ladies have. It truly does take a special kind of womanone that you dont see every day-- to endure the hardships necessary to love a man in prison.
It is also easy to be critical of a lady who loves an inmate. After all, the fun of belittling someone else is that it mitigates ones own character failures.
Judgmental people, especially families, are so pitiful. Really.
So ladies, go for your dreams and reach for the stars. Yes, you could be disappointed when your man is released, but you could also have a much stronger bond than ever before.
Love and believe in your man---enduring love only happens once in a lifetime.
How can anyone criticize you for following your dreams?
rewdiazepam
I spoke at length to several pedophiles and I had a clinically diagnosed pedophile as a cellmate on two different occasions while I was in prison.
They were good cellmates, clean, honest, respectful and everything you could ever ask in a cellmate. I think they might have tried harder to fit in because they knew they were always targets in prison and if they did not be careful they would get beaten up. If they had not mentioned it to me when they moved in, I would have probably never known they were pedophiles except for one thing-----they loved to watch kids shows on TV, especially Sesame Street and Nikelodean. Most inmates liked to watch Baywatch with Pamela Anderson and all her bikini friends, but my cellmates liked to watch children.
Here is what both of them related to me----and this is straight from the horse's mouth: That true pedophiles LOVE a child. They fall in love with children just as I could fall in love with a woman and the ladies here could fall in love with a man. Of course, this is only true if both are heterosexuals. The pedophiles I met were all attracted to female children except one, who liked young, very young males.
They had "dates" with their object of affection, which included watching TV together just as any adult couple would.
They were born with an attraction toward children. They tried to have normal man/woman relationships, but it really never worked out well because they were not really attracted to women.
They were never successful at a normal heterosexual relationship with an adult because they were born with an attraction to children, not adults. Some tried to have a "normal" relationship, but it invariably failed, as they just were not wired for a normal relationship. They could not choose to have a relationship with an adult any more than I could just choose to be gay. It just does not happen.
They did not choose to be pedophiles any more than you or I choose our sexual preferences. They knew at an early age that they were "different" than most guys.
They did have sexual thoughts regarding children, but they would never act out. Pedophilia can be managed but never cured.
They always stressed the fact that true pedophiles would NEVER molest or hurt a child by committing a physical crime against that child. Why? Because they actually loved the child and they would never hurt them or make them uncomfortable. Just as a man would never rape or hurt a woman he loved, the pedophiles would never hurt the child.
This fact is something they ALWAYS stressed to me. They did not like child molesters or people who sexually assault children. They said those people were child molesters, not to be confused with pedophiles.
BTW, both of them were in prison for crimes non-sexual in nature. One had stolen an electric drill from a store (third offense) to support a bingo habit and the other was in prison for repeated DUIs.
You certainly do meet some characters in prison.
rewdiazepam