well...my bf...i'm just very angry...it's been three days...he's walking around like he has been violated...the thing is i'm the one who has had my vehicle stolen not once but twice...first by him...and then by whoever has the truck now...i have been inconvenienced and he just doesn't want to accept responsibility for his actions...

we talked for a while on monday...and he said that we need to work on us because we both have issues to work through...he said he knows that drinking isn't an option...basically he just told me what he thinks I want to hear...but it just went in one ear and out the other...i am sooo angry that i don't believe a word he says...

i told him that i don't like him right now, i don't trust him, and i am beyond angry at him, i told him all this, i was brutally honest with him something that i have never been...i always kept my feeling to myself...i told him that i don't believe a word he says...i don't feel sorry for him...and that he needs to fix this...

well he doesn't know how to fix it so he asked me if i wanted him to go look for the truck...this just angered me more...it is apparent to me...that he just doesn't get it...

i told him i expected restitution for this one way or another, and that i am going to seek counsel about this and talk to his sister about this...

i also told him he was going to have to get help...that i wasn't going to continue to live like this...and since he wants to continue to work...that we need to seek professional help through out-patient treatment...well....he said he would consider it!!!...

that was the end of our conversation...i just started to get angrier...he does not understand that this is not up for his consideration...

yesterday he went to work...he came home two hours later...apparently his boss had been unusually understading and had given him a couple of paid days off to take care of things resulting from our vehicle being stolen... ANGRY... he didn't have a vehicle stolen...I DID...TWICE... I am so pissed...

i got dressed yesterday, and just left the house and went to "run" errands...i ended up hanging out at my mom's house...because i just don't want to be around him...

and i've told him that...right now i am so angry at him, that when he leaves to go to the store or to get cigarrettes...i don't care if he comes back...i told him i don't need him for nothing...the only reason he is here is because i do love him...and it's that love that won't let me kick him out...

while i was at my mom's house yesterday, i found out that my little cousin whom i hadn't seen in years was killed in a motorcycle accident last week...he was buried on monday...and i didn't find out until tuesday...i don't know what is going on but I don't think i can take much more of this...

i'm sorry...i know i am just rambling and not making any sense...but i have so much crap running around in my head...

I want to say thank you to this group for being a sounding board i really appreciate it considering i can't talk to anyone else about this...

-DepressedRecluse-

Depressed... I don't want this to sound mean... I mean this to impress upon you what is happening...
You are angry - you are angry at yourself. We all at some point realize they have done nothing to us, we volunteered. The longer you let him stay with you and continue the relationship, the longer you are volunteering to be abused.
Good luck.
God Bless.

And you're still with him, why???

Depressed you didn't have your vehicle stolen twice you had it stolen once and then your BF let dealer use it in exchange for more drugs. My AH (also a crack addict) let this happen a couple of times in my small town it was found easily but when he was in Memphis i had to do all the leg work. I had to keep calling impound checking for the car and luckily it was found from that day on i never let him use my car again. The police in Memphis couldn't do or wouldn't do anything. Also the insurance company canceled my insurance because of the iffy reason why it was taken in the first place.
I agree with all that say kick him out make him get help or go and keep using. There is nothing you can do. After 9 yrs i kicked my Ah out and didn't let him back, he cleaned up himself all by himself and we are now going to go to a marriage counselor and see about getting back together. What helped my AH most of all was one on one counseling with a addict counselor.
I disagree with i was addicted to my husband when he isn't using he is lovable, fun, laughs, cooks, cleans we are best friends. Recently we had problems and my counselor told me i was depressed and truly greiving the lost of my husband.
Goodluck

sweetie, he either sold your truck or traded it. he didn't leave it running, etc

HE is the only theif here.

Let him go, let him go, let him go.

He is going down either way.. the choice is if you want to let him take you with him.

i know from experience.

My reply isn't going to sit well with you Depressed. I have been known at times here on DS to be blunt, to the point, and speak my mind. He's not feeling violated, he's pissed as he has to walk to get where he is going. he doesn't care that your vehicle was stolen, be cause he gave it to the dealer in trade for his fix, so in his addicted sick way of thinking the vehicle was traded for drugs, so therefore he feels he is not responsible, and will never take responsiblity for any thing, which will continue to be the case, until he get help for his addiction. It doesn't matter to him if you do or don't express your feelings or anger, as it along with everything else you have said or done, has fallen on deaf ears, once again resulting and returning to the same answer , as long as an addict continues to use, and you continue to enable him, there will be no change - and the definition for this is insanity - doing the same thing, over and over, but expecting different results. He does know how to fix it - but chooses not too. Why are you going to talk to his sister - do you think she can fix this - what do you want or expect her to do - you telling him he "has" to get help, and that you and he need professional help. He's not going to get help, just because you told that he needs to, and going with him for couples counseling, or whatever it might be, is insane. You are letting him stay because you love him - well that's ridicules - he needs to leave, and he won't because he knows you will never toss his sorry ass out. You can still love him, but not under the same roof. As long as you keep enabling him, your life will continue on this roller coaster, nothing will change for the better, the only change will be for the worse. I believe it was mgs1 that said as the addict has to hit their bottom, so does the enabler, and until that point comes, you will continue to live with an active addict, all your talks, threats, along with the hoopla will continue. Say what you mean and mean what you say. He knows that you aren't capable of throwing him out, because you have told him you love him too much to toss his ass out. No one can wave a magic wand that will fix and cure the situation, nor can anyone give you any more advise or anwers to guide you in the right direction, as they have all been given on this discussion post, and nothing is sinking in or helping. Being mad and angry, and telling him this same thing over and over is certainly getting nowhere. You need to take care of you, and let your addict fall and hit his bottom

Hi...i know its been a while since i posted an update or anything...and that's only because that is my personality...i think i know everything and can control everything...but in reality I can't...anyway...I want to say thanks to everyone who gave me advice and told me what i needed to hear...I wasn't offended by anyone or hurt by anyone...except maybe myself..and i do appreciate all of your time and consideration...but...i think I have to do what I think I have to do...so basically, I still don't know what to do...here are some thoughts I've come up with during my daily studies of God...basically what we're studying in Sunday School...

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the eart...

Meek : Gentle but Strong : Strength that is under control and tinged with a spirit of caring...

One of the things I admire most about my mom, is her ability to be in a state of controlled anger for about 5-10 minutes and then return to a normal state of emotions like nothing ever happenedand Ive always tried to be that same wayand its pretty easy with the people I lovebecause somehow I never allow my anger to overcome my lovebut sometimes, its just so hardmy sister-in-law is a good exampleI have to love her from afarbecause I dont like the choices she makesI can see around the corner and see the severe consequences of her bad choices and that hurts me because I know that soon she will be suffering those consequencesso I choose to love her from a farand just listen to herand help her as best as I canbut sometimesI just want to knock her over the head and thats when I have to pull myself away from herbut how do I pull away from someone I am in a relationship withfrom someone who knows how to help themselves but chooses not tohow do I pull away from someone I am in love with and dont want to cause any pain or suffering to but who is causing me all the pain and sufferinghow do I do that?...


Dear GodYou know all to well the background story to this struggle that I am going through right nowYou know that Ive been in this relationship with this recovering drug addict for 6 years nowHe has brought me through the darkness and pain of my divorcehe has broken through that wall that I built up after my divorceand he has given me the strength to forgive and move onand love againwith himonly to be betrayed, hurt, and angered more severely, more deeplyby him than by anyone else I knowWhy?what do I do nowI love himbut I dont like himI love him, but I dont need himI love him, but I dont trust himI love him, but the very site or sound of him, angers me and reminds me of the betrayal, pain, and anger that Ive had to endure because of himMy head and others who have been in similar situations tell me to get rid of him and take care of myselfand that make sensebut I cant do it because I love himI know and love the real person behind the addictionI know and love the real person he can beand that is a loving, caring, personwho would never intentionally hurt me or anyone elseits the addict persona that I dont like, that I dont need, that I dont trust, and that angers me to the point that I dont want to have anything to do with himso what do I do nowhow can I be strong in gentleness and humily within the direction of Your love

People who aggravate me: Right now its C, M, M people, and unfortunately my Mbut most specifically C(my boyfriend/fiancee') because every time I see or hear CI remember what he didevery time I think about him or am reminded of him, I remember what he didand I get angryVERY ANGRYand I dont want to forget what he didso how do I gentle my reactive feelingshow do I get over thisand what can I do to ensure that it doesnt happen againI dont knowbut one of the reasons I havent done anything around the house these last couple of days is because everything in this house reminds me of Cand right now I dont want to do anything that helps him or benefits himbecause I am reminded of what he did to meand I get very angryits the same way with my sonevery time I pay his probation feesevery time I remind him to call his POevery time I take him to see his POor even every time I get something in the mail that reminds me of what he didI get angrybut its different with my sonI can control my reactive feelings with himwith C, the wound is still rawand I cant control my reactive feelings too well right nowso what do I doAllow Gods presence to gentle your reactive feelingsPractice Gods gentling presence in preparation for you next encounter with themAllow Gods presence to gentle your reactive feelingsPractice Gods gentling presence in preparation for your next encounter with themAllow Gods presence to gentle your reactive feelings

Jesus described himself as meek...
MEEK = GENTLE BUT STRONG = Strength that is under control and tinged with a spirit of caring

-DepressedRecluse-

I have this saying on My wall ,
Be still and know i am God.
Let him help you through this.

I agree, Geric, and couldn't have said it better, nor can disagree with it because this is what I do, too. If God can't do it, nobody can.

Depressed...take it from me, you gotta let go! Remember some comforting words someone once told me that helped alot..Nothing's Forever! Let him go and give him and yourself over to God completly! This is what I have done. I remember being exactly where you are thinking just as you are. If you look at my profile you'll see a glimpse into my journey and how I am in a place of peace. I NEVER thought it was possible. The truth be told, I still love my husband. Probably more than anyone else in his life and YET I'm the only one who loves him enough to let him go! I know God has better plans for him than the path he has taken but I CANNOT heal him, only God can. So it's my faith in that each day that pushes me onward. I know God is working with him and also in me. You must TRUST in GOD and not this man/NOT NOW! I still don't have all the answers and probably never will. Perhaps it'll be too late for us to reconcile, but this I do know...no matter what road God takes me on, I know we'll both be taken care of. Unfortuanately, it's not in my time...it's in God's! Trust that and know that someone is praying for you right now!

amen sister.. what you wrote is beautiful. i am glad you let it out!!! you know what to do...
you have so many scarrs... i have them too! they don't go away. not when the cut was so deep for so long.

you deserve a different life. me too.. and i moved on..

its hard. sure. i have days when i cry and feel hopeless...

but i also have days when i see hope, and NEW POSSIBILITES... i am not running over the same old ground, year after year.

hugs