well...he made it home about an hour and a half ago...WITH NO TRUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM beyond angry...he claims he walked into a store to buy cigarettes this morning at about 11 am and left MY truck running with the keys in it and somebody got in and took off...

i didn't believe and still don't believe him...but i finally called it in...but i didn't let him off the hook...i told them exactly what happened...

he left to go get cigarettes last night...i talked to him 30 mins later, he said he was on his way home...never showed up at home until this evening at 7:30 with this story...he told me he had been looking everywhere for it since 11 am this morning...

i asked why he didn't do what i would have done...which was call the police immediately...and he said because he was under the influence and didn't want to go to jail...

he's on probation, so if he catches a case, they can revoke it...

but anyway, i called the police and reported it stolen...told the story the way i know it...the cop was a suspicious...but i told him i wasn't really worried about him, i was worried about my truck...what happens to him as a result is his problem...i've protected him for 5 years...i'm not going to do it anymore...i'm not going to abandon him cause i do love him (when he's sober) but I can't continue to live like this...as much as i love him, I love myself a little bit more!...

he's sleeping now...he's not going to work tomorrow...and he doesn't like talking about his problem...so NOW WHAT DO I DO....

i told him that he needs help...and he needs to look into getting help...but i don't know if that's enough...

-DR-

Please go to an Alanon meeting. If you can't make it to a meeting - go to www.stepchat.com and attend on line. You will get lots of support and information to help you make the right decisions for you.
He has not hit bottom, but just as the addict is addicted to drugs - you are addicted to him. Perhaps you are hitting bottom. If you really love him - the kindest thing you can do is help him hit bottom faster.
Stop enabling him. This is about boundaries and consequences and he needs to pay them... I promise you, it will only get worse.
Good Luck, God Bless.

Since you reported your car stolen, they should find it pretty soon. You will have more of an idea what really took place with your truck.
It is really amazing how they can look at you and give you excuses that sound legit to them but in reality don't make any sense.
I know you love him and you want to believe him but you need to help him but stopping him in his tracks.
I think what Becolliesmom said is right, check out your truck for damage if your lucky enough to get it back. If you don't make him fix it he will sell the tv next and who knows what else.
So sorry your going through all this but, you can get through this with people behind you here. The truth hurts but we need to face it sometimes. Look out for you...

What you do is rather easy, "throw him out"! Why subject yourself to this type of behavior?

i'm very angry...

and my head tells me what i HAVE to do...but my heart won't let me...

i'm not hurt...and i don't feel sorry for him...

but i do love him...and i can't abandon him...

-DR-

Abandoning someone doesn't mean you cannot do what is best for them and yourself. Throwing out someone is not throwing them away. There is a difference. You cannot allow yourself to continue being a "caretaker" because then that is when the water really begins to get all muddied because if it is a matter of what makes "you" feel better, then it's all about you and I would question your motives and intent, when it should be about "him" and getting him to see what he is doing by simply being removed from you. Sure, it hurts, but most good medicine and surgery does. Go forward...

Brotherroy, I like how you write, we all need to remember these words...it helps. thank you
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Abandoning someone doesn't mean you cannot do what is best for them and yourself. Throwing out someone is not throwing them away. There is a difference

Thank you, Sunnierain for your comment. It's not only a gift but comes from the heart.

I have gone through this with my son. He actually had my husband drive him up to pick up our car in the parking lot where he said he left it. They get up there and no car. So my husband calls the police and reports it missing but the whole time the story was not adding up. Well my son (a heroin addict) stuck to the story about 1 month later we get a call the car was found. It was no worse than before but it was filthy inside (trash everywhere) so someone had been using it. My son went to a rehab and he stuck to that story for almost a year then one day I said the car was never stolen was it ?And he said no. He gave it away for drugs. So be very careful. I know it is hard I love my son to death and want to believe he can beat this but right now he is sitting in country prison across the country from me because he was arrested for burglary to support his habit. He was out on bail after completing a rehab and he relapsed. He never went into sober living like he was told so I had the lawyer I am paying to keep him out of jail to ask the judge to put him back in until sentencing. I am ok with it because he is safe from himself. He says he wants to beat this and he was clean for a year so I know he can but I have finally begun to understand what I considered "help" was enabling. They have to do it (want it) on their own., I told him I fully support him emotionally but I will no longer let him ruin our lives. He has a choice to make. It has been three years of hell. Trust me he will steal everything from you, you are no different than anyone else. They become numb to what they are doing to other people the only thing that matters is getting more drugs. But you need to get yourself to the place where you can walk away all we can do it tell you from our own experiences so maybe you will get there faster.

The one thing I noticed in your writing, Cherrie1, was what I would not have agreed to do, "pay an attorney to have it so my child would not go to jail." Jail, in this case, would have been one of the most "sobering" experiences he could have had and you prevented. A life of being able to overcome addiction happens right inside of those walls. I needed my prison experience of 26 months to help me overcome my addiction and I would NEVER prevent someone I loved from having such an experience! Outside of having attended Teen Challenge for 18 months, my experience in prison was the best thing which could have ever happened to me.

In hindsight I do agree with you Brother Roy however when this all happened we knew my son needed help and at the time felt he would be better served in a rehab than jail. He was a good kid who never got in trouble before this. We hired a lawyer because he was being charged with felonies which means state prison. He does not belong there. I have come to peace with him being in jail and even was responsible for putting him in. I now know he is safe. He will be getting jail time once he is sentenced but the reason for the lawyer was to keep him out of state prison because we were told he would come out of there much worse than when he went in. As a parent going through this for the first time your initial reaction after shock is what can I do to help and I do not regret the rehabs although they have caused a financial hardship for us. Even though he has relapsed I pray that he has gotten something out of the program. However jail time will probably be the best thing in the end. It is a slow process learning that they must do it for themselves.

I do wish your son well; however, don't be too concerned regarding "time" wherever it is served. Jail, in the county, was no different than State or Federal prison because it's the same people. Personally, rehab was a waste of time, for me, because the consequences have little bearing. Prison would have more of an effect, and it did. Although, as an addict (formerly now), prior to ever using, I would ask myself if it would be worth going back, and then the thought would disappear because I wanted what I wanted. The ONLY recourse for me was knowing and believing there was a God who cared and was able to heal me from my addiction, so I decided to give Him a try and you know what, it worked. No longer an addict. This is the message I now offer to others. If I may make a recommendation, and this child is still living under your roof, make it a mandate that he attends church AND participates, and you go with him. If God cannot do it, nothing will. Blessings...

The hardest thing I ever did was go to the police dept and report my son for stealing money from our bank acct. This was yrs, ago, and thank God he now doing good! But...that day, yrs ago, we had told him if he did it one more time, we would take action, and this was the third time. Tough love. We love others, but you have to love yourself, too. And, love is not being used and abused.

In the beginning when I noticed things missing and had no idea about her coke addiction I thought it was me misplacing things.
However, when I knew and she had maxed out my cards and everything, I should have told the bank to go after her. But I was afraid of her going to jail and getting hurt.
I am not sure I did the right thing but thinking back now and still finding stuff missing I wish maybe I had reported it for her sake. It is an ugly world with drugs so sooner or later she is going to end up there and as long as she plays with fire she is going to get burned.
They just take and take and take and I guess it doesn't bother them but I am sure paying for it now.
Seems funny when as a mom your trying to protect them from harm and yet they as addicts are living on the edge all the time.
Depression..what is going on with your BF?

What is so scary about prison, people? I've been there several times. I used to be a chaplain of several, in the New York area, even Greenhaven, which is touted as being one of the worse. Prison is no more than similar to a boot camp or regular military facility. Even as an inmate, I have been in several and they're not as it is made out to be on television or the movies. If prison/jail is what is needed for helping a loved one, do it. For many, it will be one of the better times they've had. I certainly would rather be in prison, or jail, than to be addicted and on the street. Don't be afraid of having someone go this route. I have a 14 year great godson who's mother is in state prison in California, and he's now going the wrong way and I've suggested to his grandmother its now his turn to have a visit to a police precinct. Perhaps having an early experience will prevent him from having a career at doing this. We just need to be brave. After all, aren't the addicts being brave enough to do those things which warrant them going? If what a stranger did to us what family are doing, wouldn't you be the first one in line to have them admitted? It's no different. DO IT!