
ESTRANGED FROM FAMILY Community Group
This group was created to talk about family situations where estrangement was chosen or others have chosen to estrange you. Many families are now estranged with individual members, not excluding; Sister-in-Laws, Brother-in-Laws, Parents, siblings, Uncles, Aunts, the other family and so on. Sharing the reasons for estrangement in order to help those who are new in...
2 hours away from her. I do miss having a sister. It is very lonely. I try to keep really busy.
I am taking a Yoga class. It helps me relax.I really don't think my sister loved me . She just put up with me.
I know how ;you feel about your brother railroading you out of all your inheritance. Sounds just like my sister.
I think sometimes we can love someone without them loving us back.
It was very hard to accept that my own sister did not like me; let alone love me. She died of cancer recently; and i stayed with her until the end-----even though she gave signs that she did not want me there. I still loved her, even though it was not reciprocal. She even started yelling at one point: for me to GET OUT and that she hated me.
He husband told me is was the drugs she was on----and to quit "crying like a baby" and get back in there and care for her. The abuse I took from my sister seems unbelievable to me. It started when I was small----and continued through my life----so I thought is was normal and/or that I deserved it. How sad.
Acceptance is very difficult to work through. It takes courage and strength. And that's something you've "earned" as a result of years of abuse. It hurts DEEPLY and I heard a few sayings a while ago, which you may appreciate. "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger". And "Life" is getting kicked and knocked down, but "Living" is getting back up after being kicked. You are wise in saying the only thing you can change is yourself--this is so true! You're stronger than you think you are, Sally!!! It's time to live for YOU! Not to be a "people pleaser". And again, my heart goes out to you. I'm with you girl!!! You are NOT alone!!! Keep on keeping on. Good to hear from you! It helps me too. Thanks for replying and am looking forward to hearing from you. Best wishes to you also. Gia
Thanks for the sayings. I really like "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." I repeat it daily. Another one I like "It is, what it is." I keep thinking of all I have been through. I have learned a lot and feel it has helped
me to be able to help others. I feel it is getting easier. I hope all is well with you.
Thank you so much for your discussion group. I found it last night because very recently I walked away from my brother after finally realising that I cannot make him love me. And believe me, I've tried everything.
My Mum passed away in March this year which has been the catalyst and I too, just like Gia, am grieving for her and my brother's love for me. I couldn't have put it more succinctly so thank you Gia.
I don't want to go into major details and a list of wrong-doing on his part apart from this time he has surpassed himself. The pain he has caused me has been so dreadful, but in an odd way I am glad that it has been so extreme for me to fully open my eyes and see that I really must finish a relationship that is so damaging to me.
I am so tired that I don't even hate him. I thank God for that. And something I remember from years ago (when I tried to put some distance between us but I faltered because I didn't want to upset my elderly Mum) is someone telling me that I need to practise forgiveness towards him, but in forgiving him I do not need to carry on making the relationship work. Now, when I think I about him I just whisper out loud or in my head 'I forgive you'.
Eliza. x
I am so fed up with the family doing anything they want and me being expected to make things right.
Not sure if that is what this thread was about. Hope someone understands???
My sisters continue to exclude me from having any say re. my mother's welfare. They hired a medical advocate to handle all my mother's Dr appts, communications, the aides. I've never seen such incompetence. I am not allowed to talk with the Drs (I do not have waivers or power-of-attorney) and even if I did, I'm not allowed to make any decisions on my mother's behalf.
I explained how much pain this causes me, being excluded. And they reacted by pushing me further away, telling me they don't want to hear what I have to say. Because of their Narcissism, they think they are doing a great job and will congratulate each other at the funeral. I'm sure they'll create alliances with the relatives to isolate me further.
Meanwhile, I'm the one who helps Mom write the birthday cards for those relatives. I'm the one who spends Thanksgiving with Mom, spent her Birthday with her, 4th of July (made her hamburgers, fries, brought watermelon & blueberry pie). Because Mom has dementia & mental illness, she can be difficult to be with. But I've learned how to accept her as she is.
I heard this recently & it does help me to see people in a clearer way. It's what I call "the wheelchair theory" (no offense to anyone who uses a wheelchair): When you see someone in a wheel chair, you accept what you see. You accept them & their limitations .... when we deal with the family members or others -- we need to see them exactly as they are. We need to accept them & their limitations. We cannot change them. We only bloody our own head, banging it against the wall.
We can change how we choose to respond to them. That is where our power lies.
((HUGS)) and thank you. I need to know I'm not alone right now. and I have been feeling very alone in how this family estranges me and is forcing me to estrange them. I cannot be their whipping boy any more.
Thank You for this DS Group.