Last year Mother's Day my stbx did not call me. I don't know why I even expected that he would, but silly me, I guess, was crushed that he didn't. Not really crushed, but I hurt inside. I thought that being the mother of his children meant something - even if we didn't anymore. He liked punishing me, though. I left him, therefore I was a bad wife and because I left him I was also a rotten mother? Go figure. I always thought that I was pretty good at both. He was the one that drove me away or I should say, made me run like hell away. A very mixed up guy he was.

Come Father's Day last year - no way, no how did I call him. I left in despair and he still treated me and my family horribly. Father? I don't think so. Father's wouldn't behave the way he did. He certainly didn't deserve a call from me. Of course, I didn't tell my children that. They are old enough to make their own choices. They did what they felt appropriate and rightfully so.

I actually wasted the day thinking of him though.....probably pacing and waiting for me to call him. That's how he was. It was always all about him. It didn't matter whether he called me on Mother's Day or not - HE was the father of our children - that's certainly more significant. How I stayed so long is beyond me. Sad, huh?

I certainly won't be wishing my stbx a Happy Father's Day. His selfishness has caused nothing but pain. my youngest son (20) said "Mom, he left all of us". I just breaks my heart. He doesn't deserve to be honored on that day. I now think of him as a sperm donor.

Okay, "it" breaks my heart.

for the first two or three years I did call or email and honor him as the father of my children. Even sent a card and a recent picture I had taken of my sons. I don't believe it was appreciated and it most certainly has never been reciprocated. So now, I have let it go. Sadly, I think he probably saw my gesture as intrusive or maybe trying to get him back. I think he interprets all of my kind gestures as me still loving him. Whatever. I know I sleep well for having always taken the high road. I know of a man who every year honors his ex wife with a gift of a lot of money on mothers day for her devotion as a mother to her children. He feels she deserves it. So I know there are good people out there who can honor the parent role even after the husband wife role is over. I am sad that my x does not give or recieve this honor.

While my ex was the father of my children, and in all honesty, he did do some nice things with the boys like taking them to see the AIDS quilt in D.C, he really wasn't a father - he spent more time rationalizing why the boys didn't deserve things like braces or dermatologists or even dentists. I can see me depriving myself before my kids. He also, I found out during the divorce, routinely beat one child - so noo I won't be calling him. He was not a good dad, he didn't put his needs before his kids, he did not honor his family. I truly wish he had been a good father, and only despicable to me, but he shared his wealth. In fact, I will not remind my kids that it's father's day - a first for me - they're young men now and the choice to mark that day is their own.

I'd rather have my toenails pulled out slowly than call him and wish him a happy anything. Not that I begrudge him happiness...I actually don't. But, I just don't think it makes sense to be the person who openly gives him good wishes...he walked off like I am insignificant and irrelevant to his life, so I don't know why I'd pretend to be anything but that. These people walked all over us, and then we wonder whether we should be nice to them? Nope...not me. I don't intend to be mean to him, but I don't intend to bend over backwards to be nice either. I'm nothing to him and he's nothing to me. I don't care one way or the other how his holiday is. Kind of like he didn't care one way or another what the rest of my life was like.

Ladies, I think sending Father's Day cards to your ex's or stbx's depends on where you are in your healing and what kind of civility may exist between you at the time. If your kids want to send a card to him, fine. Grit your teeth, take them to the store and let them pick it out. Beyond that, I would say FORGET IT. He's not YOUR father!
As to Mother's Day, if your ex or stbx is the father of your children and he sent a card or called, that at least shows a speck of respect for that fact. But you have to protect your own feelings and if NO CONTACT is what is currently working for you, keep it up. No use trying to "guilt" them into treating you differently than they have been. It just takes your precious energy away from all you have to handle right now.

No way will I acknowledge that day!!! My dad has passed and my stbx hasnt spoken to MY kids since he walked out on all of us July 4th. I will admit that there was a time when he was a fabulous dad...but it all changed when he morphed into the unrecognizable person he is today...sad really.

"My question.....will you call your stbx or X and wish him a Happy Father's Day next month?"

*chuckles*
Prolly not.

No. He moved to Thailand to get away from me AND the kids, because he quit communicating with them too. It would upset him if I or the kids did, so we probably won't bother. I will wish my son a happy fathers day and any men that I know that is true fathers!

"are"!

You know, I have been so upset since yesterday because I felt he didn't acknowledge Mother's Day. We still have young kids and they need help with getting cards or gifts. It took my sister to make sure they had something for me. Even his sister called my son to make sure he had something. Did the ASS, no, but, of course, he showed up at the house to see the kids and kept telling me what a good mother I am. I guess I still hurt because 27 years and I mean nothing to him anymore except for a babysitter.

Actually I was not expecting a phone call or a card but I did think that he might send me a text message. Well, , , he didn't and I have to admit that I was a little upset. Not so much because of what we had together but because I am the mother of his son. I thought he should have done it out of respect. I guess I expected too much and pretty much set myself up for a major disappointment. Never again will I give "him" that power over me. He will NOT get anything from me for Fathers Day, that's for sure!

I guess I'm in the minority here. I didn't want or expect anything from the stbx. He sent a text and took my son shopping for a gift. Never took the kids to purchase a gift before.

He also sent a Happy Birthday text today and sent a gift.

I won't be acknowledging Father's Day. I will help the kids with gifts if they need it, but I won't be doing any direct communication.

I had to send an email to him and on his reply he added a PS which simply said Hope you have a Happy Mother's day and the same to your sister and mom.
In passing if I have to communicate - I probably will just add Have a Happy Fathers Day