So before i get into what is the hardest part of my struggle right now let me give a bit of a background. the last time i was a healthy weight was first grade. then according to my mom i got hungry and she let me start having more portions. over the years i have tried to lose weight. and i was doing good one time, had lost thirty pounds, was averaging out at about 230 at this time. then i stopped taking the city bus and gained the weight back. about six months after that i became pregnant. because of morning sickness (which for me was all day every day...could only keep down ice chips and sometimes ramen noodles) i lost 30lbs in three months and through the rest of the pregnancy i gained it back. 

After L was born (healthy weing 8lbs 13oz) i lost about fifteen pounds but in the two plus years since then ive gained weight to where i seemed to plateau at 275-280. four months after she was born my grandma was diagnosed with COPD and i went from being a companion (dad didnt want her to live alone) to being her caregiver. 

this is where alot of my difficulties (or so seems to me) come in. In the past year she has gotten increasingly worse to the point where she needs oxygen 24/7 and sometimes needs me to help her get to and from the bathroom, not that she will admit when she needs help of course. We are also supposed to be watching how many sweets she eats, and the carbs since she is prediabetic. When i try to gently remind her of this fact she throws a fit, if we dont get icecream at the store she throws a fit, if we dont get prepackaged food (tv dinners) and i cook she wont really eat it. 

with her health the way it is i dont feel like i can take even a twenty minute walk with my daughter. we only have a 200dollar food budget which seems to go way too quickly. on top of this my daughter is supposed to be gaining weight because she right now is about six pounds underweight which means trying to get her to eat more and somehow curb her energy (we call her the energizer bunny because she has that much energy). 

nobody seems to understand at all, and thats before i add in my health issues. my hips hurt if i walk too much, my back is in constant pain, my left knee hurts a whole lot if i do a squat or bend it. there are times i have a hard time breathing or catching my breath at times. i am also so extremely tired all the time and dont really sleep well. 

sorry for such a long post but i really want to get healthier to be a good role model for my daughter. any advice and support and maybe even a buddy to be accountable to would be nice.