Sorry that you are having such trouble. My wife decided not to have children because I might pass by bipolar into the children.

Can you talk to him. Talk about good things in life, and how there are challenges that you surmounted though there are times you feel low. Maybe he will end up something special and the value of your work and stress will be seen.

Maybe it's just part of his growing up and not something you passed on to him. Sorry you are feeling badly.

There are therapies and treatments to help as well if you and/or your son are open to seeking that. Things like talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and even medications can help sometimes. Depression and self-hate are the worst, but they are not impossible to overcome. Rooting for you and your son. And know that you both are not alone in your struggles, especially right now during the pandemic.

Well, since you're asking for opinions, I'm gonna rant a little. So forgive me in advance since I haven't got a clue what your actual problem is, I might be totally out to lunch.

First, forget about blaming some kind of god for giving you your beautiful son. He's all yours and the fact that you think he's beautiful means you love him, and that is an awesome gift for both of you, not to mention that after billions of years of nature's evolution you both landed here, which is as close to a miracle as anything can get. It's really as beyond comprehension as any deity.

Relish your moments of love and clarity. Embrace the pain and know that you only feel it because it matters to you and that fact makes you human. We're all defective anyway in some way or another, and what amazes me is how those far more defective than me and maybe even you have turned their defectiveness into effectiveness, and instead of considering it a handicap, have turned it into their own personal advantage.

You live in a world where you're able to connect almost instantly across the entire globe with other humans and share your story. The advantage you have now by simply just living in this era, compared to 500 years ago probably outweighs all your other problems combined, and yet somehow your ancestors coped, and reproduced, and pushed to get you both here. So live and love your son, and together you can celebrate your defective brains!

Thanks for letting me rant. Sorry if I offended in any way.

These type of things get passed down thru generations. I have the same problem, my father was mentally ill. It took me years and years and years and I finally came to terms with my problem, and accepted it. There was nothing I could do about it, so I had to accept it. Once I did, I felt better. Don't blame god or anyone else. It is what it is, no one is perfect and everyone has problems.

There is always something we can do to make situations and make people get the right advice and support to help them on their way. God would not do this for you, or him. He has to want to do it, You can pray on it. Remember that actions define success, success is not defined on hoping for something but through actions, and what i would call sowing seeds. God bless.

I want to thank all of you who responded to my post from the bottom of my heart. There are so many true words of wisdom in your comments, and I take them all very seriously. You don’t know how much I appreciate all the support.

Mental illness issues are best managed by the medical profession. Look to that for solutions.

God does cause people to hate themselves, the devil does. Negativity comes from evil, and evil doesnt come from God. fight the evil and repel it. Pray about it.

A lot of my family and my mother specifically, live with and manage mental health issues. Most of my family copes by not accepting their faults, not accepting reality and because of it they’ve destroyed every relationship around them, including Tracey (my mother). It’s very empowering and full of strength that you care for your son and acknowledge his struggles because once your recognize them you can help them, care for them.
I find a lot of comfort in reading and the author Thich Nhat Hanh has changed my life and perspective forever. Maybe his words will move you equally as much as they moved me! Bless you and have a great day, you’re a beautiful human being and your life matters ❤️