I read something on my phone today that I thought was interesting. I've been extremely depressed lately, very frequent thoughts of suicide, barely getting around. I was looking on my phone aimlessly and saw this article about the freedom in giving up hope. Can't remember exactly where I saw it. Kind of made sense to me. said sometimes if you give up hope on something that isn't going well anyway that can be freeing.
I thought of some of the things that I had or do hope for that aren't going well; finding friends in real life, owning home or having long term financial security, finding a partner, having good health and losing weight, etc. big things. i started to imagine what it would feel like if i gave up hope on those things one by one. I can't say it made me feel happy, in fact it made me feel pain, but instead of feeling anxious and guilty and responsible and stressed in addition to the pain, I just felt the pain. It was kind of a feeling of relief in some ways. I guess I felt like it was somewhat of an improvement.
I just thought I'd share that in case it was of use to anyone. I think it must be something about letting go and not expecting so much and all that. Another example is my job. My job really sucks. If i accept it is never going to get better and I probalby should just leave that gives me a little feeling of relief. Even if it's wrong financially and practically and all that, I feel like giving up on it is somehow healthier and much easier for me than constantly trying to make it work and hoping it will work.
Another example for me. I have had a hopeless crush on this man for about 8 years. I know he isn't interested in me so I don't have to give up on that but sometimes I feel bad about myself for still liking him. When I think about giving up hope on not liking him, I feel a little better. Yea, so I am always going to have a hopeless crush, so what. I feel a little less bad about myself if I stop judging myself so harshly for it.
I don't know this is probaby stupid. Forgive me. I feel like I'm going insane.
Personally, I like these mantras, but you may have ones that work better for you (if you do -- please feel free to share!).Hope all of you have a stress-free weekend! Hugs.