If we set our goals unrealistically, we end up with frustration. I don't know what is unrealistic for you, but you need to certainly 'give up' on any that are unrealistic. This frees your energy to accomplish things that fulfill your life and brings you up and above misery.

You probably should discuss what you have posted with a mental health pro. They are highly trained and usually qualified to help with such problems. Good luck to you. You certainly deserve peace and happiness.

It sounds like you've given up on really BIG goals and big goals can be intimidating and hard to achieve. Sometimes it helps to break big goals down into smaller steps that are easier to achieve and give you a feeling of accomplishment. Having a little success can often propel you forward to the next step of your larger goal.

For example, the big goal of losing weight...that's really hard for most people! And if you look at losing weight in its entirety it's pretty much impossible for most people too. There are tons of little aspects to losing weight though.

So a smaller goal might be to start drinking more water. How much water might you want to start drinking? Would you buy a water bottle? Would you replace one soda a day with a bottle of water?

Of course, these are just examples. You can break down any goal/hope into tiny pieces and eventually achieve the whole thing, and having some success with tiny steps along the way usually feels pretty good.

Wishing you peace <3

thanks. i don't think anything is realistic for me at this point. i don't think happiness is possible. at all. I just don't believe in it for me. I want my life to stop because of the pain but i'm too scared to do it. every is so effing sad and hopeless. my post was stupid. giving up hope isn't an answer. but having it really isn't either. for some people, nothing works. nothing is realistic. we know that deep down, those of us like me, we know we're screwed. i've been depressed my whole life, tried pretty much everything. it's just getting too too dark man. no one should have to go through this.

sonny thank you for your kind reply. i think part of my problem is that i have tried so many different thing (big and small) and nothing really works. I always feel awful. it's getting worse. it's totally overwhelming to me, this darkness and loneliness and not mattering. growing old alone. what a terrifying punishment.

sonnycamehome -

"Sometimes it helps to break big goals down into smaller steps that are easier to achieve and give you a feeling of accomplishment."

You really help me a lot. It helps me see why I have been so worried and distressed. There is something I have to do that requires a lot of time and energy. Instead of seeing small pieces that I have to put together a little bit at a time to achieve the goal. I keep looking at the final big goal and get anxious, hopeless, powerless, and depressed, a clinical kind of depressions that has been killing me. I need to focus on the small steps while keeping my hope because it is something that is important to me. I was giving up but it is too depressing so I have to fight.

Anna1212 - I know what you mean to give up hope and set ourselves free. It is painful but to hold on to something that may never work can be equally painful or worse. About the long time crush you have on the man, maybe it is better to give yourself a chance to like someone else?

Hi Anna, I will help you to realise your goals:

"finding friends in real life, owning home or having long term financial security, finding a partner, having good health and losing weight,"

(a) Finding friends - enrol in a night class and make new friends, join a church group and make new friends, go on vacations and meet new friends. Smile and say hello, and everyone will want to be your friend.
(b) Owning a home - find or keep that permanent job, ignore the tantrums and antics of work colleagues, secure that ongoing salary, borrow a reasonable bank loan and buy a house. Houses must be cheap now given that COVID has caused many properties to become deceased estates.
(c) Long term financial security - find a permanent job, ignore the tantrums and antics of work colleagues, secure that ongoing salary. When you have accrued spare money, invest in real estate or start a small online startup and wait for the money to roll in.
(d) Finding a new partner - look beyond your work colleagues, go to church group to meet nice people with good intentions (that's how my friend met her husband), go on vacations and meet new people,
(e) Having good health - throw all your canned foods away - NO MORE PROCESSED FOOD , eat only vegetables and fruits, eat fish at least twice a week, eat red meat once a month, drinks vitamins and supplements especially Omega 3-= each day, reduce carbs intake, walk a kilometre each day (don't run)
(f) Losing weight - walk a kilometre each day (don't run), eat the right food at the right amount (see above), lift weights (the weight will drop off like raindrops)

Ta--ra----- If you follow the above plan over the long term, your dreams will come true. How? Because you are a single lady with no husband no children (no attachments, unemcumbered) with single income that has potential to save spare money for rainy days.

Anna, never, never, never give up on your dreams. Those dreams are what make people strive. It’s what makes up the world. Losing weight can be hard. I have struggled my whole life, but I realize that being paper thin is not realistic or healthy. Love yourself for who you are. If you lose weight great! Houses these days are so expensive, but if you want one, you can do it, but first you have to find a job that can financially support you and the home that you want. Figure out what you would like to do and research what it takes ........education and experience. Then figure out how you can get that education and experience. Anything is achievable. Right now with COVID things are a little difficult. But reach for your dreams and never give up. Your worth it!

As wandering vet said, unrealistic expectations can be frustrating and overwhelming. It is likely best for you to sort through with a licensed counselor which goals and ideas are best to readjust.

Thank you for all the nice and helpful replies. I think you all have really valid points. I think sorting through with a counsellor is a good idea. I am quite overwhelmed right now. And I don't actually think giving up hope is a good idea. I understand letting go of unrealistic things. That's hard for me. Most of the things that I truly want with my heart and soul are unrealistic. Thank you again. I appreciate all your replies. It means a lot and makes me feel less alone which is actually my main problem.

Anna,

I have connected with everything that youve said. Everything that everyones saying is amazing advice, but I know it's extremely hard to follow. Extremely hard. I've tried therapy,writing in my journals, eating healthier, all that positive stuff. It's been hard for me to keep up with it.

Instead of giving up on those big life goals (and this is the first thing that I found worked for me) let go of things that don't give you happiness anymore. I don't remember where I read this too but you look at something, and if it doesn't give you joy; throw it away. (Donate what you can. Also makes you feel a little better) By throwing the stuff away, I found that it made me feel lighter somehow. Like it was the beginning of your goal check list.
If you make your bed first thing in the morning; youve already accomplished one thing of that day, And you keep going. The more productive I am , the better I feel.

When it comes to money and work, it's balance. It takes a lot out of you to try and make those positive changes but you can do it! Im saying this all out of my personal experience. If your job is giving you grief, then yes! Find another job, Your mental health is so, so, so important. It took me years to finally accept that. And when I say years... It took me 6 years to finally get my mind right and get the heck out of there. But of course, you have to be smart about it. Find another job first, get through the probation period, and quit that toxic job, When I got my first line of credit; it made me feel like a failure because I wasnt accomplished enough in life to have money saved or just couldnt get a job with higher pay because I didn't have the qualifications for a job, or even if I did, I just never got it.

With the money youre making, whether it be at your current job or the new one ; make a budget. Create a calendar with the important dates. Prepare yourself for those upcoming payments. If youre spending more than youre making, cut some stuff out. I got rid of little things that I could live without. Like the extra storage space for my iphone, or my apple music account, selected the cheaper Netflix account. Just anything that wasn't really needed that wasnt as important as your car, phone or home expenses. But that doesnt mean you wont be able to get them again!! Once youve done things that lighten you, you build yourself back up! You can re purchase them.

And for the guy.. your feelings are your own. You can't control them and you sure should never feel bad about having feelings. While having a significant other may help in many ways,.. you need to do you, haha.

Focus on yourself. The man will come at the right time. Let him come into your world that you've built and accomplished. Set those goals Anna. You WILL achieve them <3