Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
That's how I feel. All the time
Tomorrow is my graduation. I am 24 graduating with a MA degree from the top film program in the world and I don't even want to attend my own graduation. Why? Because I hate every day living in this body with this mind and I feel like a fucking joke. Like a person who is capable of fooling the world into believing I am deserving of praise and accomplished. But I'm not.
I have lost almost everyone
I have obsessive compulsive disorder
I am incapable of maintaining relationships
I have extreme body dysmorphia and social anxiety disorder
I have borderline personality disorder and am most likely bipolar
I have binge eating disorder and anorexia
I used to cut and abuse alcohol and pills
Can't leave the house without wearing makeup
I am a rape and physical and emotional abuse survivor
The list goes on and on. And most days I just fantasize that my car will lose control and that I will fall off a cliff and die. I continue fantasizing about death because I can't bring it upon myself.....but it almost always feels like the only way out of this misery
A few days ago I had the worst breakout. I suffered my whole life with acne to the point where it completely took over my life. And it still does. I picked at my face so horribly that I put apple cider vinegar on my face which is supposed to be a home remedy for acne and I literally have second degree burns all over my face. I've spent four days in bed crying, too afraid to leave the house, to face anyone in my family.
Tomorrow is supposed to be an important day for me and I look like Frankenstein. Like a monster. I've begged my family to skip graduation, to cancel the "party" they planned for me and they refused, telling me it wasn't about me and that its about them too
So tomorrow I have to force a smile for the entire day just to "honor" my family while I honestly don't give a fuck about myself of anything I have done
I hate myself, what I've done to my face and the lie that I am for my family. I will be crying sad miserable tears tomorrow while the rest of the world smiles.
Tomorrow is my graduation. I am 24 graduating with a MA degree from the top film program in the world and I don't even want to attend my own graduation. Why? Because I hate every day living in this body with this mind and I feel like a fucking joke. Like a person who is capable of fooling the world into believing I am deserving of praise and accomplished. But I'm not.
I have lost almost everyone
I have obsessive compulsive disorder
I am incapable of maintaining relationships
I have extreme body dysmorphia and social anxiety disorder
I have borderline personality disorder and am most likely bipolar
I have binge eating disorder and anorexia
I used to cut and abuse alcohol and pills
Can't leave the house without wearing makeup
I am a rape and physical and emotional abuse survivor
The list goes on and on. And most days I just fantasize that my car will lose control and that I will fall off a cliff and die. I continue fantasizing about death because I can't bring it upon myself.....but it almost always feels like the only way out of this misery
A few days ago I had the worst breakout. I suffered my whole life with acne to the point where it completely took over my life. And it still does. I picked at my face so horribly that I put apple cider vinegar on my face which is supposed to be a home remedy for acne and I literally have second degree burns all over my face. I've spent four days in bed crying, too afraid to leave the house, to face anyone in my family.
Tomorrow is supposed to be an important day for me and I look like Frankenstein. Like a monster. I've begged my family to skip graduation, to cancel the "party" they planned for me and they refused, telling me it wasn't about me and that its about them too
So tomorrow I have to force a smile for the entire day just to "honor" my family while I honestly don't give a fuck about myself of anything I have done
I hate myself, what I've done to my face and the lie that I am for my family. I will be crying sad miserable tears tomorrow while the rest of the world smiles.
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I got an email from Kohl's that I had a 40% off coupon for today and tomorrow only. It took me about an hour but I placed an order and got some great deals. I have been wanting a new dress. I like dressing up sometimes. My birthday is coming up and I have dinner plans at a nice restaurant. But, honestly, I'm a little out of control again. I went through this in the fall. I bought...
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Has anyone else noticed that clearly speaking and doing things intentionally is liberating because it helps combat the feeling of depression and a sense of hopelessness? Let me share a little more: in my experience, when those who have tried to project a hidden agenda that is obviously not aligned with integrity and well-being, it's best to be firm and speak clearly from self-awareness and...
Congratulations on earning your MA! For your age, that is a great accomplishment, you are so young! I'm also 24 and had to drop my MA program because of this evil Bipolar Depression. What I want to tell you is that- and I know how this sounds- looks are not everything. I am sure you are a beautiful person inside and out, and the fact that you are having trouble with acne does not make you unattractive. I suffer from acne as well and wear a lot of foundation when I leave the house! You seem to have a very long list of terrible things that have happened to you. You've obviously been through hell, and yet you have earned an MA! Don't be so hard on yourself. I have been through some of the things you have described and it gets me down, too. My advice to you would be to treat yourself a little more gently. You have truly been through SO much and you have come so far, honor that! I hope you attended graduation and had a decent time. I am sorry that your family isn't more understanding of your reasons not to have the party, but you are NOT a lie! Just because you have issues doesn't mean your phony. And trust me, the rest of the world is hardly smiling. I know when you are in the depths of despair, it feels like everyone else is thriving and doing so great, but there are many people- myself included- that can't stand being here on this planet. I urge you to be kinder to yourself and realize how much of a strong person you really are!
GBU
D
;-]
It should have been about you and not them.
Maybe you are the only one to accomplish anything in the family and that is why they put all of that on you.
Still, that is not your problem.
Focus on yourself and make yourself who YOU want to be.