(((currentstruggle)))

My first thought while reading your post was "join a ht bowling league". I don't know why that popped into my head, but maybe being around a lot of people having fun might help you.

Oh, sweet baby. A Munchhausen mom!.

Precious Father in Heaven, please comfort and heal this troubled child. We pray in Jesus name, Amen.

I am a firm believer that depression can come from 2 basic sources: life experiences and our own brain chemistry.

If it comes from brain chemistry then medication may be required.

If it comes from life experiences (and having a Munchhausen mom sounds like that) then coming to terms with your experiences is the best way to go.

Normally I'd suggest therapy, and making sure that you find the right therapist for you and your needs and your personality. But I understand your reluctance to do that.

What you can get here is peer advice and support. We are not professionals, but many of us have a firm grasp on our little chunk of depression. So as we share with you, and you with us, please take it all in. Use what works, and disregard the rest!

The best thing I can think to share is that we all need to learn what our triggers are. Once we learn what they are then we can work on avoiding and overcoming them.

Gentle hugs, and welcome to the group

Thank you both for your responses.
I'm so happy to know you both are informed on what Munchaussens is. I'm so sick of explaining myself to others about it. They understand that I'm troubled because of my violent, alcoholic Dad. But they can't even begin to comprehend the emotional turmoil my Mom had caused.
I believe my depression is obviously induced from life experience. That's why I'm reluctant to engage in different coping mechanisms. I'm having a very hard time letting go of my past. It consumes me almost everyday.
Thank you both for your kindness and support.

I am also alcoholic drug addicted and depressed also suffered years ago from schizophrenia because of my drugs of choice LSD....anyway I do not know what will work for you but I hit a bottom on all drugs with the onset of shizo...so I quit all but the pot and booze...then the pot simply stopped and I got over the shizo...then a number of years later the drunken bottom hit and I gave that up with AA...tried NA does not seem to be for me...I did it when I first got sober because I thought I could share what helped me...when I got back from that far away local which was in middle of south pacific on 43mile long island Guam I found they wanted me to give it all to NA or get out...so since I was way in to AA I gave up NA entirely and have been sober almost 21yrs now....

I know you said they were a joke but I do not live that reality...they really helped me....so they can help those who desire what they offer...some people never ever get sober or drug free...but it helps to be sober and getting over depression is much easier I believe....

Welcome you sound like a awesome person. As for your question yes it's quite a few that gotten dealt bad hands however dispite they became stronger and when obstacles shown up in life they handled it alot better than most people. But even the most strongest person need someone to make them smile... So from me to you welcome to humble group

Welcome to the group. I struggle with depression also as part of my Schizoaffective Disorder, PTSD and anxiety. I am also a former alcoholic who has given up on AA and now just smokes weed. Call me California sober, lol.

My depression was especially bad for me in my twenties so I feel you. It's a very uncertain time.

The two things that you've said you don't want to do are the only two things that have made a difference for me with my depression. I take Prozac every morning, and it pretty much eradicates my depression. I also see a therapist weekly and that helps a lot too.

If you want natural methods, yoga, medical marijuana and good friends can help too, but if you're coping with all of the issues that you name I think a good therapist could do you a world of good.

I agree AA is a joke, that's why I don't do it anymore. I don't like cults.

If you don't want medication and therapy, then the cure I would suggest would be a month on a desert island in the tropics.

which you probably can't afford...

But maybe there is somewhere you can go. You need to have to stop living, and digest what life you have already had. you need to get 'clean' and have the chemicals stop affecting your body. cigarettes even will increase anxiety and depression.

You need to stop getting new data into your brain, and start processing and sorting the old data, and letting it release its chemical charges, which your body then has to process.

All of this takes solitude and time. Maybe you can go live in the woods for a month or two. If you give yourself enough solitude and time, stuff will bubble up from your past and you won't be ABLE to distract from it, and you will HAVE to process it without running to use your habitual crutches, and it will therefore chemically process whether you want to let it do this or not.

You've probably had a life of avoiding your emotions. You have to stop avoiding them and that'll take either quite a lot of will, or a situation where you have no choice.

My tuppence worth!

Now bridgie, I am going to defend cigarette smoking. I get anxious if I am stuck in a place where I CAN NOT light up for a couple of hours but I NEVER become anxious or depressed while kicking back with a smoke.
Different strokes for different folks.

But I do somewhat agree with the rest of your advice.

In a recent weekly letter, my pastor wrote you cannot win the race of life if you are always looking back

And something else I read many years ago has stuck with me and I pass it on whenever I can

I cannot change what has passed, I can only learn from it. Everything that has happened in my life was
Necessary for me to be who I am today.

There is something that we talk about here from time to time, a bit of a controversy.

Forgiveness.

There are two types. The first and most common one is when friends have a falling out, and at some point the one who hurt the other comes with heart in hand (so to speak!) and apologizes. They talk and then the hurt one forgives and they work to getting back to the way they were.

The second is more of a singular activity. The one who was hurt decides to forgive (but not forget) and let go of the anger. It is very hard to get better when holding onto a lot of anger. So in this case forgiveness is not getting back to being great friends or what ever. It is letting go, and declaring that they are not worth holding in the anger and resentment. It is not likely that you will get feedback from the person that hurt you, it is an exercise in moving forward.

In any event, continuing hugs!

I think people are failing to read My Mom had Muchaussen Syndrome. That is why I REFUSE to engage in therapy or medication. If you are no educated on what it is, please look it up. Thanks.
Pepperman, I really like what you had to say about forgiveness. I feel that the only way I'll be able to stop suffering is if I forgive. I've forgiven my violet, alcoholic Dad. I forgive physical abuse very easily. For some reason, I can't forgive people who have emotionally tormented me.
I actually don't have a problem smoking pot, Andrea. I'm from California too, so I totally get that. (I'm from there, no longer live there.) It's just not for me though. I don't enjoy it. It doesn't give me the high I desire. It's not enough.
Thank you all for welcoming me.

Yes, there are a lot of ways. First I would suggest a Therapist, and beyond that, finding a place to volunteer, somewhere you would really enjoy. Take some classes if you can. When I went to College, it helped my depression tremendously. If it's all a joke for you, it's not going to help you and not worth your time. I think it's time to unhardened you! Hugs

You say mum had Munchausen - but did she have munchausen or munchausen by proxy?

Because if she only had munchausen as you say, isn't that really more her own problem? What exactly does she have to apologise for? Don't get me wrong: if it were munchausen by proxy then I would TOTALLY see a reason to resent and indeed hate her guts.

@sixtyplus: you've basically described your own addiction. If you don't have a cigarette for a couple of hours, the anxiety hits. That's called withdrawals. When you don't have a drug addiction, you don't have the withdrawals associated with that drug.

Think back to before you ever smoked: did you need a cigarette?

She forced me to take hardcore psych meds, and would lie to the cops about situations, so that I would get locked up. If that's "by proxy," then so be it. I'm not educated enough to know the difference. All I know is that I'd rather deal with my Father bashing my head into the stair banister again, than ever have to deal with that turmoil again.
I've thought about volunteering. My job allows me a lot of free time, so I am considering it. Thank you for your feedback and welcome!

WELCOME 2 OUR GROUP AND DS!
PRAYING 4 U........................
GBU
DRENA B

http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n127/survivor69/4%20SMILIES_LOL_HAHA_HEEHEE/LARGE%20SMILIES/LARGE-KISSING-SMILIE_zps275497cf.gif

Bridgie, to answer your question; my daddy taught me to roll my own and smoke cigarettes (and drink whiskey and play poker) when I was 12 years old. My children are older than you now. I cannot remember what my life was before I started smoking.

Are diabetics addicted to insulin?