So after a year of trying and failing to get a job in the area that I trained for, (product development) after discussing it with my support group, someone put it to me bluntly, that it just didn't work out. That is the conclusion that I came to as well.  I tried to think of other things that I could do for a living as schoolteaching is not a good option for me.  I've come to that time of the year where people get teaching jobs, and I realize that I have been looking since April of 2025 for work in the new tech field, in product development. After several interviews and maybe hundreds applications that have been turned down, I realize that I likely have hit a dead end.  My credit is being destroyed. My savings are gone, and my cards are run up.  I'm worried about paying my phone bill, insurance and groceries. I've really never been in a situation where this is the case.

I thought and wondered if I could work in adult education as my prior background is in teaching.  And with one week of substitute teaching to go, the schoolyear will be over and there will be no work over the summer, my account is already overdraft and I was in a panic.  I searched for adult education jobs and applied to the county where I live.  There is a full time position that lasts for six months, the pay is modest but not too bad.  I applied and they offered me the job immediately.  I go get my badge on Monday and then start Wednesday. I don't know how long it will be until my new paycheck and I guess that I will be training many people on how to use their technology as that is the job.

I don't know when, if ever, I will get the job in the field that I went to school for.  I read an article about a man who was a doctor and then went back to school for to be in management consulting and he got an MBA. No one would hire him as they just could not get past that he was a doctor.  He ended up doing something else but I don't knnow what it was. Same story-people would interview him and then judge him because "he used to be a doctor." I feel like I encountered something similar in my interviews, not directly but I kind of had this feeling based on some comments in the interview that, 'she used to be a teacher" and that was all, not looking at the work or study I did since then.  I don't know this for sure but I do wonder. 

The postiion lasts until about November and I don't know what would come after that. My mental state until this point has been extremely bad, so much so that I had not hardly gone in to do the sub jobs in the past two weeks: I'd been awake through the whole night and just crying all throughout the day and was barely functional. This week I got so sick and had an allergy reaction. My eyes swelled up and lately I've been getting eczema on my eyes!!!  The allergist said that even though allergies could be in remission for a long time they can start up again. My eyes had pockets of fluid in them and were almost swelled shut.  I think it is the dust, grass and wind. Oddly had I not been home sick to take the call from the county I would likely have never gotten the job; they apparenty were moving that fast and had I been at work I would not have been able to do the phone interview. 

Anyway, I have been placing faith in a higher power and really doing some prayer and mediation and am extremely grateful that this came up and am looking forward to the job, even though this was not the first thing that I had in mind.  I have some ideas for some upskilling that I would like to do and maybe take my career in a different direction, maybe the opportunity to do what I want will come back some day, or not. I'm just placing my faith in my higher power and need to continue to do so with the debit that I've incurred over this past year of looking for work. I need to decide how to appproach this.

Things have not certainly turned out as anticipated. I really thought an advanced degree would open doors and create a better future, but it has not.  I have two separate resumes-a tech resume and an instructional resume, and I had submit the instructional resume.  I think a job like this, with the county, is a good thing.  Government sector jobs can be pretty stable and maybe there are other positions there that I can look at; maybe later I can move into something else.  We'll see.  This has been an extremely long time looking and just knowing that someone really wants me there makes me feel a lot happier. I think a lot of the rejection in employment is also a feeling of being unwanted which is not great.  So, I decided to pivot and open my mind to other opportunities; I'm grateful for my support group they are really honest with me and I'm glad that I didn't continue to hold on to something that I really am not sure will ever come to pass.  I don't know that for certain but I've stopped clinging to it.