Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hello,
I'm a 29 year old male with concerns on how to get out of the hole I'm in. I live in Sunny San Diego and have for about 2 and half years... I have dealt with depression and anxiety since I was 18 but it seems to have hit a big point. I just recently came off of a two month leave from work do to depression related issues and went through CBT classes. I'm currently doing TMS, which is like ECT only without the need of Anesthesia and you don't expierence memory loss... Its basically a magnetic pulse to your head to try to wake up the connections that may have gone dormant.
I have to mention that I have self-medicated with alcohol in the past but when I was finally rational realized it only makes things worse and have walked away from the substance.
I have felt completely off and not present for a few weeks now... there were very upbeat days during my leave where I felt like I was getting back to myself but then I would tumble again... My cognition is absolutely shot, I can't focus on anything which makes me think something is wrong with me so I get extremely anxious which only worsens the feelings. Memory has been a big issue for me recently too where I couldn't remember anything about a day that had just happened. My first week back at work by the time it was Friday I had no idea the week had past. I feel slightly better at night and don't want to sleep because I dont want to wake up and re-live this nightmare. I have zero motivation, my apathy is at an all time high and doing anything seems like an absolute chore. To top that off the girl I loved and still love has left my life and so I got that going for me too. I dont need days to be disney land every day... I need days to simply be okay. I do see a therapist and a psych. I'm tired of crying, of feeling absolutely nothing or misery. When I came out here I felt amazing that a cloud had been lifted.. that cloud has returned with a vengence... I'm worried about my cognition a lot, my ability to concentrate and even at times feeling off and confused. Like I know who I am and where I am, but just disoriented.
What do I do? How do I climb out of this whole when my mind says "thats too hard and this will never get better". I miss my girl, I miss being happy, I miss my life.
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Depression and anxiety together are unforgiving and very frustrating to deal with. I have them with a sprinkle of PTSD so I feel for you. I have a little bit of a memory issue because of the concussion/brain trauma, nothing compared to yours. Like I will go to the mall or somewhere and completely forget where I parked my car. I mean I don't even know what level or anything. I immediately beat myself up for losing it or my phone or whatever it is which leads into anger and sadness and all that other shit. When I spiral downward it's really hard to just snap out of it. But when I can stop crying I try to remind myself that I'm strong enough to get through this, that things cannot always be like this. Sometimes I want to say ya right it's been almost two years but I have to remind myself of the little things. Even now my therapist has to remind me to celebrate the little achievements I've made. It helps a little, like I'm acknowledging what I've done. For example, it took me a long time to even want to join DS. I wasn't ready to accept that this was permanent, that it wasn't some screwed up nightmare I was in. But I finally did and now I'm so glad because I know I'm not alone and that helps so much. And I'm proud that I was able to do this, makes me feel like I'm on the road out of all this. Can I ask if you are on any medications? My therapist has brought it up and I've put it off but I might need to rethink it. They say the med can alleviate the overwhelmingness of it all which might be what you need to work through the rest of it. Whew, sorry this is so long. Here if you need to talk more
I do have to make a slight correction only because people read these posts and well TMS Therapy is not like ECT, they are 2 very different things. TMS is a magnetic pulse that is very targeted to hit a pinpoint location in your brain where area's of underactive cells are thought to be. ECT is Electric Shock Therapy where an Electric Currant is shot in to your head until you have a Seizure in order to activate certain area's of your brain for somewhat the same purpose. They are 2 very different types of Treatment. I've done ECT.
Have you considered that your feelings might be a side effect of the TMS Therapy and have you talked to your Pdoc abut it? Also are you being treated for the Anxiety with Medication? Sometimes a combination of Therapies can have an undesired effect. Keeping in very good conversation with your Pdoc about these feelings making sure they know exactly how you're feeling, how bad the anxiety is, how disconnected and concerned you are about your cognitive ability is very important. They can then look at all of your meds and therapies and determine if any one of those or combination of those might be causing some of these issues.
I realize that this feels like a pit you can't climb out of. I'm BiPolar 28 years, heavy on the Depression. You have to tell yourself each day, sometimes each hour, "this isn't forever, I will get better", I literally used to say it out loud to myself in the mirror on many days when it seemed too much effort to just open my eyes in the morning, much less get up and dressed and out the door to work. This will get better, taking it in small increments of time helps. Looking at a week or month can seem like a lifetime. Take it a few hours at a time or a day at a time and tell yourself it will get better, you will get back to the Sunny Days and Free Spirited Feelings. At times you have to "Fake It Till You Make It", damn I used to hate when my Pdoc said that, but...it was true and it somehow worked from day to day. It helped me realize there was a good place on the other side of the Depression. And that's how you look at it, you can't think of it as, "that's too hard and I'll never get better" you need a more positive mantra like, "this isn't forever, I will get better" one day at a time. Tell yourself positive things, take it in small increments of time so you don't overwhelm yourself and make sure your Pdoc knows everything that's causing you to suffer.
You can get through this, and it will get better.
@Eyeor I'm on Prozac 40mg.
I have read both responses many times and appreciate your kind words and insight. I want to be successful in life. Doesn't have to be money... Just be able to enjoy it. I feel I'm letting this destroy that
When things are bad I try to talk it out with the few people I let see all of what's going on. I don't need them to have advice or even really say much, just them being there is enough. I hope you have someone you can reach out to, if not you have all of DS here for you. Sometimes just reading others' posts can be reassuring that you're not alone and that others feel the same. You can also find something you haven't thought of or something no one has told you.
You're not destroying anything, this is only temporary. Something my stepmom just told me, "you will get through this and one day you will be the one helping people get through their trauma". It just really resonated with me. Hope this helps, and that you're able to communicate with your doc about everything. As always, here if you need to talk more.
Losing your girl is a heavy hit on top of everything else...so sorry. Hang in there despite the heavy struggle. There will be a way back. Never give up.
Hugs and healing to you. Things can and do change. It's all a matter of finding which direction you need to take
I am interested in learning more about your story.
I say this because there have been VERY few here on DS .... so I am not familiar with much of it at all.
I will say ... talk to your doctor/therapist ... pretty much everything you have posted. I am SURE they are your best adviser.