Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Tonight at work I was told more distrubing information about one of our clients (I work in a group home for mentally ill adults) and it brought back memories of abuse and stuff that I don't know how to deal with at all, let alone at work. I fought off a panic attack (don't say I'm strong, I literally had no choice. I was working with another client and I'm not even sure how I did deal with it). And then this client that I found out the creepy stuff about came and told me he was feeling really depressed and not quite suicidal, but close. I am already creeped out by him, now he is talking to me about feeling this way, when I feel the same way, but I of course put him and his feelings and needs first because it's my job. I am still shaking, haven't eaten since noon because I feel so sick and I don't think I can keep anything down, and when I told my mom how I felt, she said it's because I'm off my meds. She didn't even listen to why I feel this way, she just automatically points to medications.
I am currently looking for another job already, but I haven't gotten one yet. And I need to leave this one NOW. Not when I get a new job. But I told my mom that and she does NOT approve of leaving before I have a new job. She is afraid I would move (which is my plan) and not have a job and then not find one and not be able to live on my own, blah blah blah. But she is right. I can't leave this job until I get hired somewhere else.
All I can think about is cutting when I get home and wishing I could die already. I don't think I'll get to cut because I already told my roommate I'm having a bad night so I don't think I could get away with it.
I really don't know what to do about my job and I don't know that I can handle this much longer. I've begun to feel this way almost every night at work even before tonight and it scares me. I got this bad once before about a month ago and my boss ended up finding out I was suicidal and made me see the company psychiatrist that my clients see. It wasn't good. And now on top of all that, I don't feel safe at work because of this client and it's because of my past abuse history, but I still feel this way and I can't live like this.
Anyway, if you're the praying type, please pray for me. Messages are appreciated, too. You don't have to message me, though.
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I got an email from Kohl's that I had a 40% off coupon for today and tomorrow only. It took me about an hour but I placed an order and got some great deals. I have been wanting a new dress. I like dressing up sometimes. My birthday is coming up and I have dinner plans at a nice restaurant. But, honestly, I'm a little out of control again. I went through this in the fall. I bought...
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Has anyone else noticed that clearly speaking and doing things intentionally is liberating because it helps combat the feeling of depression and a sense of hopelessness? Let me share a little more: in my experience, when those who have tried to project a hidden agenda that is obviously not aligned with integrity and well-being, it's best to be firm and speak clearly from self-awareness and...
Normally, I would agree that you don't leave one job until you have another, but your situation has some extenuating circumstances, that make your current position not healthy for you, and it sounds like it may become not the best situation for the patients you work with. I understand your dilemma. I'm 28 years BiPolar and I worked in the Mental Health profession with patients who dealt with Onset BiPolar and Self-Injury. There is absolutely nothing wrong with working in a field that you have a diagnosis in, as long as certain guidelines are met, 1. Your stable and working a treatment plan for your Mental Illness/Emotional Disorder, 2. You can separate yourself from your patients and not let their Mental Illness/Emotional Disorders or Trauma effect you. If you cannot meet those 2, it becomes very hard to treat them. You're having said that this "client" creeps you out is concerning, as his History/Illness/Trauma shouldn't effect you.
Clearly it has, clearly you recognize that, and it does not seem a healthy environment for you to stay in. You may have to take a job that's not necessarily your top pick, until the job you want comes up. I would advise talking to a Therapist and seeing a Pdoc. If you're cutting and having Depression, Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Suicidal thoughts, you need to be working a Treatment Plan. These aren't things you can just tuck away, and even if you find a great new job in a short time period, these things won't just go away, it doesn't work that way, you know....
Seeing someone before your life gets too out of control would really be a good idea. Meds aren't the end of the world, Therapy is not the end of the world. Its what you do to keep yourself Stable so you can enjoy a good quality of life, regardless of what your diagnosis might be.
Take care and I hope things work out for you,
Kat
I am the praying kind and of course will pray for you. I'm going through a different situation but with similar details as far as work and memories . And though i don't take my own advice at all ever, cause I foolish, I want to tell you that you have to put your safety and well being first. And if you are not getting support and assistance from the people around you, than seek out new people who will and add them quickly to your environment. I'm at work myself right now and had to come on here to distract myself from a moment. triple hugs and take care of you first~