This may be more of a codependency post, or overlapping with this, but it does relate somewhat with mood problems.

To start, I'm really, really, really glad that I got a new therapist. Sometimes you don't realize what isn't working until you do something else. Not that the other one was bad, but she was getting disconnected and unavailable-wanting to meet like once a month?? And my mental state was dangerously deteriorating in the meanwhile.  I've been in hospital more than once, and one of my goals is to NOT return.  Can't really do this well if therapist is not around. I realize at this point my mood issues are chronic and must be managed. I don't like this particularly, but hey we all have to deal with what is...

My therapist is very on point and organized. She has a lot to add, brings worksheets, and educates me on different solutions to problems. I did a specific search for her on psychology today under "work and career" and my particular therapist used to work in HR, so she really understands what I am going through, plus outside of processing feelings has actual action steps to pursue work.

I digress, but she wanted to focus with me on boundaries.  I didn't realize to what extent boundaries are a problem for me. The current sitaution with my friends has been deteriorating, and more rapidly so lately.  I've come to learn, unfortunately, over time that some people in my life are all about them.  I've also come to the unfortunate realization that one of them is looking more and more like she is a narcissist. I've been learning more about narcissism since leaving my domestic violence situation and having dated a narcissist too.  I got educated on what that is and how codependent people get entangled with narcissists.  I also learned that codependent types might have multiple narcissists around them.

I wanted to believe that my friend was merely annoying or difficult, but it is becoming increasingly evident over time that something is quite wrong. My therapist was walking me through assertive statements, which are good to brush up on, but I realize that with certain people, this is totallly useless. You can stand there until you are blue in the face with I statements, express your point of view...aaaaannnddd...if the person is super self centered, or a narc, this will fall on deaf ears completely.  When I was being physically abused, I would tell the abuser "I feel like when you say or do..." in response to put downs, etc, and he would only scream and gaslight and tell me why I was wrong, and then hit me more.

Well, my friend hasn't hit me (she better not) but I'm noting the same pattern.  I've gone on a short hiatus/break from our hiking/walking because if I don't do exactly as she wants, she files into a tirade or tantrum. I thought maybe at first that she was just lonely or disappointed, but I fear at this point it's something worse, more malignant.  All of us in our friend group have been gradually backing away.  I decided that I would no longer do day trips but short local excursions. I also decided that I would do something in the morning only, and not devote the whole day. She demands hangouts last a whole day. 

Nothing works. Nothing.  After about two months off, I said I  something short and sweet in terms of a hike, so did the other person. We both wanted to do something local in town. No matter what either of us said, she continued to reiterate that "we will go out of town. I want to go out of town."  It was as though both of us had said absolutely nothing.  This doesn't seem like normal behavior. The average person recognizes what is going on and will back off, but she doesn't do that. When other people express their preference, she continues to ignore and insist on what she wants.

It isn't worth it to me anymore.  Really. At this point I'm almost Completely Okay with not having friends. I feel relaxed and comfortable being alone, and when I do go out alone to concerts, places, etc, I always make a new friend. I regularly meet nice people available and interested in either dating or friendship too.

I've come to the conclusion I've of no need of her. In fact I'm probably being used in part for my vehicle. She refuses to drive and treats me like a chauffer. When I said I wouldn't drive anymore, she simply told me, "you have a nice car so you should/will drive."

Boundaries mean nothing to her, and one thing that I've learned is that if when you attempt to set a boundary with a person and they get irate, rage or fume-then you have your answer-that the person is just pretty much a jerk or some bully. I hate our hangouts too. 

And her cousin too. I'm like a fencepost when with her or on the phone. She does all the talking it's like I'm not even there. I set the boundary at 30 minutes on the phone this last time, her rambling endlessly about her problems. It was very difficult to get off, I had to interrupt more than once.  My therapist and I talked about this. The last time I let her ramble for 120 minutes-no lie!!  This time I almost started to tap out at 20 minutes. Because after talking on the phone I feel like crying. She says she has 'rage problems'. Hmmm. Too bad for her. Why is that my problem? 

I'm ok with it being over, really.