Hey TC. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad . I know when the depression is bad it's hard to feel good about anything or feel motivated to get out of the chair or bed or want to do anything at all . If you don't feel like celebrating six years being cancer free then I will celebrate it for you because that is truly something to celebrate!

You are in my thoughts. I hope you can find even something small to do to make you feel better. Listen to some music you like. Watch a favorite movie. Baby steps. Hoping you feel better soon.

(((((((((( BIG HUGS ))))))))))))

LMT

Thank you. I feel like an ungrateful beotch for not celebrating. I am just so haunted by the whole thing. I think i have been havijng panic attacks too because i am having a hard time breathing and swallowing.

Well I am glad you beat that cancer but often depression just takes us over and it really is hard to find joy in anything. Try to rest and hopefully tomorrow will be a bit brighter:)

I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now.
It's hard I know.
Do you feel that you didn't deserve to overcome cancer, to live? you deserve to live and have a better quality of life.
you are a survivor and that is something to be proud of. it takes courage to live and to keep going. You chose to fight the cancer for a reason.
You don't have to celebrate or throw a party. Lol. I am sure you are quietly thankful. And that's ok. Just leave it at that.

depression is such a tough thing.
I can relate to you in a way, its a different thing but I got new knee replacements a couple of years back. my friend was saying how its going to make my life so much better and woo hoo and for months following my surgery and even now she's thinking that I must be doing so great and happy because of it.
I'm very good at hiding my depression from people.

Yeah getting the new knees has improved my mobility for which I am truly thankful and has improved my life but I was in such bad shape the surgery has only fixed one part of me. I'm still dealing with a bunch of other things and I still have depression.
I am at a functioning level of depression and may seem better than others in this group but believe me it's right there.

I can so understand how you aren't motivated. It does take effort for me to keep going.
But I am afraid that if I do give in I will never move again so I gotta keep going.
It makes my physical problems worse too if I sit for too long. It's a cycle. It Hurts to move but if I don't, it will be worse.

Please try and move. Set yourself a small goal.
When I was recovering from surgery I set myself goals. first one was each day I had to walk to each window and open the shades and curtains. I was walking with a walking frame and moving at a snails pace.
Then as healing continued my goal was to walk to the mail box and back. And so on.
I have come such a long way since then and I am thankful. I can walk, drive, ride a bike. :)

I think once you do one thing it will give you a kick start.
Got to break this 24 hour cycle you are on.
Kick it now before it just spirals.

And you aren't that name you called yourself. Please. You have a lot of things to contend with it's not your fault. Be patient with yourself. You are being too hard on yourself.

As usual I feel I write too much and go on but it comes from a good place. I am Just trying to encourage.

Hope you feel better soon

TC40: I can relate to some of what you are going through. I have a hard time losing weight and getting my household chores done. A good thing is that we can support each other, even if we don't know much about each other. Whether you believe or not, is it OK if I pray for you? Our God watches over us. We are not promised constant good times, but eternal love. Take care.

I am sorry you feel so down. I agree with the others though, one tiny step at a time. Hugs to you and that is great that you survived the cancer.

I will take all the prayers i can get.!!! Thank you!!! I finally got enough energy last night to bathe and wash my hair. Only because i couldn't stand myself anymore :( just taking a bath wore me out!!! Now, it is Sunday and i am sitting in my chair again. Depressed. I am hating myself because i really should go out and go somewhere...do something...but again...i feel paralyzed. I hate myself and pray for God to just take me.

You are not a fat sack of shit. You are a human being and you are a survivor. You were able to muster up the energy to bathe and wash your hair. Celebrate your accomplish. It is hard when we are depressed and have no energy, but you were able to do it. Don't minimize your accomplishment. Something small is a huge step forward for those of us battling this beast.