Hugs

Thank you Pepperman. It's all I can do to stay here. I prayed to God again last night to just let me go in my sleep & let me be at peace. I keep waking up, so I guess there is a reason for me to be here beyond the suffering. The bible says you have to suffer & feel pain before you will be granted a blessing. I sure hope it comes soon..

GENTLE HUGS 4 A GREAT WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GBU
D
;-O

That's sad that you have to wait for his mother to die in order to have a better relationship with him...actually it sux....and its too late to change that relationship or set boundaries because its so many years deep.

I also get...that you aren't able to leave him right now....

I don't know what PMR is...or biofeedback...I will look them up...so I can get better educated on your status.

And I can't even tell you to make yourself 1st priority at least with yourself...well I can tell you that..but...its SO hard when depressed.

I really am lost for words and feel sorry for you....Just wanted to let you know I'm here and someone is listening ....sigh...

Thank you for your replies. I sure don't FEEL like a good wife Survivor. I have been patient, but it has been hard. Not sure if you were being serious or not.
Misssy, I am trying to make God my first priority, which is what Im supposed to do, then my husband, then me. I have spent 24 years with the man. He has his good points too, I don't mean to make him sound like an ogre. He has seriously damaged our marriage & hurt me more than anyone else ever has. I have been talking to him about it, & he says "We will be fine, I will change" Famous last words.

I know...we tend to focus on the bad points when we are upset....I understand he can't be a total jerk...or you would have escaped by now.

I just think you should change the order..God...you and then hubby..but after 24 years...that would be hard...so the advice is really worthless....I get that too...because I wouldn't be able to change a 24 year old habilt.

Maybe the venting....for you right now is what you needed...regardless....hugs

Thank you Misssy.

Their are marriage counceling online. We can just listen.

Thank you peter, but my husband refuses to go to counseling. He feels its like airing our dirty laundry & he doesn't want to own what he's done, not even to me, & I KNOW the things he's done. I own what Ive done & have apologized and meant it.

Gordos, if we have to feel pain and suffering before we can be granted a blessing, I think everyone here is due a blessing. Or 50.

I don't have any advice or anything helpful to say, but I wish you the best in your situation. Hugs.

I agree Alana, we all deserve a blessing ,esp. right before Mother's Day. I haven't been praying as much as I used to, it upsets me. I told God I was sorry, but didn't want to pray when my heart wasn't in it & I would feel like a hypocrite.

Hugs and prayers for you and your situation.

It may not be the best advice.. but when I was married and having problems.. I would picture my life without my then husband... realizing what life would be like without him made me reevaluate the good and the parts I would miss and realize how precious he was to me and could easily be gone w no notice.. say an accident.. sudden illness.. his mother was very controlling and did not like me either. One of those where she would pretend to but u could tell how forced it was... was always so hard as she lived in another state but would come stay for 1-2 months with us once or twice a year... was so hard. I can honestly say it is one of the factors that made my marriage weaker was her.. and of course u know from my other posts its my affair that eventually broke us... I miss him terribly and would give anything to have him back. Yet I do find comfort in I won't miss his family... after 7 years I still felt like an outsider at gatherings and never went well. The one thing we agree to come of it too is communication is key.. listening and telling your thoughts even if worried it may be hurtful.. with caution to not be cruel of course... but we lost the art of communication .. and lost it all. Maybe it wouldn't be the mom in law that passes on but him not to be morbid but perspective..or if he gives up u may find you miss him and want him back. But I agree and you are right... there are good days and bad days. You are right and ok to have those feelings of upset and concern. All roses come with thorns. Hugs and happy wishes.

Thank you living. The bad thing is, my MIL lives 2 blocks away, & her house is CONNECTED to my husbands body shop. He started in business with his dad, & when his dad died, he took over the shop. My father in law was THE sweetest man, I loved him. I cried more when he died than I did after my own parents died. He built his shop with a connecting door to his house. She is a constant presence & always has been. I worked at my husbands body shop for a few years. I could do anything he did & was pretty good at it. His mother ran me off. We have to go to her house today for dinner & I am NOT looking forward to it. We always have to go to her house for every little thing. I wish my husband would just go over there, wish her Happy Mother's Day & come home. I wish my husband had the balls (sorry) to stand up to her years ago, maybe we wouldn't be going through all this. She acts like she likes me, but I can tell, it is VERY forced. Ugh!

Gordos -- I can sadly relate to you. I have written many times about my MIL. Been with my husband for 20 years and I'm stuck. Like you, Hashimoto's, too...among other autoimmune issues. I struggle daily with my alopecia aerate which struck me 8 years ago...it's definitely a loss of self. Same thing about God. Wish he'd help me -- given up praying a long time ago....but that's another topic as I am motherless so I'm not sure what God was thinking when he let that happen to my siblings and I at such a young age.

What I worry about the most is that when MIL is gone, will DH resent me because I cannot measure up to his mom? In fact, he's out with her right now for a couple of hours for mother's day. He has no obligation to me since I am his wife...but he could have worked with our kids to do something...but, I guess not. So no mother's day stuff for me.

Funny -- DH tells me that his mom likes me best of all those that married her kids....but she cannot bring herself to speak English in front of me or our kids. She doesn't even acknowledge our kids and they are old enough now to know it. She just wants my DH.

It is a sad and disappointing scenario to say the least.

I try to find solace in the fact that I would never do that to someone and never have. You and I both know we are better than that. We are good people. We need to remind ourselves of that no matter how many times we get shot down. I know, it's hard. But, I'm with you. Hugs on this difficult day.