Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
The appointment with my parents happened yesterday... finally.
My psychologist spoke with the three of us at first, then with me alone for like 5 minutes and finally just with my parents without me in the room. In the first part my parents were told everything: That I have depression, that I need a psychiatrist, that there is no need to make a huge drama about this (I hate that), that therapy won't help if I keep being so inconstant as I'm now (parents were taking me like... once a month or so), that my boyfriend has helped me through a lot, and they talked about the aspects they all think I've gotten better at. When they were talking alone I almost had a nervous breakdown in the waiting room. I managed to hold it till we went home and I pretended to go to bed (at 8:30pm lol). I did try to sleep before it happened but couldn't, I exploded. Some things said haunted me and I ended up cutting again.
My parents didn't bring up the subject till today. My mother seemed to be handling it pretty well... at first. She is trying to act nicer, like she would randomly sit next to me and kiss or hug me, which is awkward as f--- (sorry). I know she is just doing this because of the 'depressed' thing, but that's okay, it could be worse. She asked me this morning if I would rather have a male or female psych (I said prob male), and then gave me the "you know we love you and I wish you could open up with me..." talk. Yeah, that's not gonna happen, but at least I knew they were actually willing to get me to a psych and cooperate with what they were told, untill...
I was this night in the car with my mother going back home from gym and her "attempts to help" actually made everything worse. She said they were gonna try to take me to a psychiatrist one of these next days, which is good. But then she started saying that I should also "do my part", "make some efforts". I told her that I was, that my psychologist already told them that I was making some progress, to what she answered "yeah, but she said that then you got worse again!".
Then she had to relate the topic of how much she thinks I'm trying to the fact that "I have turned away from God". She is very Catholic, she already knew I wasn't into religions but I told her directly today that I don't know if I believe in God and I don't care. She said things such as "just try to love him again, can you?". I said that the fact that I don't go to God for answers, that I don't share her beliefs and I don't intend to change this didn't mean that I'm not trying to get better.
It seemed like she was trying to talk me out of the psychiatrist thing later as she said "We will get you to a psych but... Do you reaaally think you need meds?" I told her that yeah, sometimes it's just too much, but that it doesn't depend on wether I think I need them or not, that once I go to the psych he/she would know what to do. She said something like "Yeah, I know but... I don't like the idea of you being dependant on narcotics because I have friends who are and... I know a lot of people who are also 'depressive and stuff' and no... Meds didn't work because they didn't do their part, so you have to... will you?"
This really pissed me off. She claims to know a bunch of "depressive people and stuff" but she really knows nothing about mental illness, she is very judgemental. Also, she acts like I'm not even trying, like the fact that I got worse is my fault; and what's up with that question? like... 'No, I just wan't drugs but I love being freaking sad!'. I just answered that of course I will but that I do need to keep seeing my psychologist or another therapist (if suggested by the shrink) more regularly. She immediatly got defenssive and responded "Yeah, I screwed it up, everything is my fault I know".
The car trip that followed was extremely awkward, I tried to fix that situation, she also talked about how hard this whole situation is for them (my parents), that they will do everything they have at reach (but all these said with the same deffensive tone as if I had told her that they don't give a damn about me), and she almost started crying right there. I was also in the verge of having a mental breakdown in the car in front of her.
Right now I'm pissed off, anxious, depressed, all at once, trying not to break down again (although I probably will once I go to bed), and feeling suicidal one more time... It sounds so much simpler to just die already before I do have to go through all of this with my mother being all over me 24/7. Does she really think that depression can be overcame (dunno if I used that word right) with just "trying to be happier"?
I'm sorry about all the rant, lang, and the lenght of this post.
Ps. I am legally an adult but I still don't drive, live with my parents and don't have a job (I study college, no time) or health insurance. So yeah, my psychologist had to tell them about my depression and I do need them to take me to the appointments and stuff.
No, I can't be more open with my mother and turn to neither of my parents for support when depressed, I don't trust them that much.
My psychologist spoke with the three of us at first, then with me alone for like 5 minutes and finally just with my parents without me in the room. In the first part my parents were told everything: That I have depression, that I need a psychiatrist, that there is no need to make a huge drama about this (I hate that), that therapy won't help if I keep being so inconstant as I'm now (parents were taking me like... once a month or so), that my boyfriend has helped me through a lot, and they talked about the aspects they all think I've gotten better at. When they were talking alone I almost had a nervous breakdown in the waiting room. I managed to hold it till we went home and I pretended to go to bed (at 8:30pm lol). I did try to sleep before it happened but couldn't, I exploded. Some things said haunted me and I ended up cutting again.
My parents didn't bring up the subject till today. My mother seemed to be handling it pretty well... at first. She is trying to act nicer, like she would randomly sit next to me and kiss or hug me, which is awkward as f--- (sorry). I know she is just doing this because of the 'depressed' thing, but that's okay, it could be worse. She asked me this morning if I would rather have a male or female psych (I said prob male), and then gave me the "you know we love you and I wish you could open up with me..." talk. Yeah, that's not gonna happen, but at least I knew they were actually willing to get me to a psych and cooperate with what they were told, untill...
I was this night in the car with my mother going back home from gym and her "attempts to help" actually made everything worse. She said they were gonna try to take me to a psychiatrist one of these next days, which is good. But then she started saying that I should also "do my part", "make some efforts". I told her that I was, that my psychologist already told them that I was making some progress, to what she answered "yeah, but she said that then you got worse again!".
Then she had to relate the topic of how much she thinks I'm trying to the fact that "I have turned away from God". She is very Catholic, she already knew I wasn't into religions but I told her directly today that I don't know if I believe in God and I don't care. She said things such as "just try to love him again, can you?". I said that the fact that I don't go to God for answers, that I don't share her beliefs and I don't intend to change this didn't mean that I'm not trying to get better.
It seemed like she was trying to talk me out of the psychiatrist thing later as she said "We will get you to a psych but... Do you reaaally think you need meds?" I told her that yeah, sometimes it's just too much, but that it doesn't depend on wether I think I need them or not, that once I go to the psych he/she would know what to do. She said something like "Yeah, I know but... I don't like the idea of you being dependant on narcotics because I have friends who are and... I know a lot of people who are also 'depressive and stuff' and no... Meds didn't work because they didn't do their part, so you have to... will you?"
This really pissed me off. She claims to know a bunch of "depressive people and stuff" but she really knows nothing about mental illness, she is very judgemental. Also, she acts like I'm not even trying, like the fact that I got worse is my fault; and what's up with that question? like... 'No, I just wan't drugs but I love being freaking sad!'. I just answered that of course I will but that I do need to keep seeing my psychologist or another therapist (if suggested by the shrink) more regularly. She immediatly got defenssive and responded "Yeah, I screwed it up, everything is my fault I know".
The car trip that followed was extremely awkward, I tried to fix that situation, she also talked about how hard this whole situation is for them (my parents), that they will do everything they have at reach (but all these said with the same deffensive tone as if I had told her that they don't give a damn about me), and she almost started crying right there. I was also in the verge of having a mental breakdown in the car in front of her.
Right now I'm pissed off, anxious, depressed, all at once, trying not to break down again (although I probably will once I go to bed), and feeling suicidal one more time... It sounds so much simpler to just die already before I do have to go through all of this with my mother being all over me 24/7. Does she really think that depression can be overcame (dunno if I used that word right) with just "trying to be happier"?
I'm sorry about all the rant, lang, and the lenght of this post.
Ps. I am legally an adult but I still don't drive, live with my parents and don't have a job (I study college, no time) or health insurance. So yeah, my psychologist had to tell them about my depression and I do need them to take me to the appointments and stuff.
No, I can't be more open with my mother and turn to neither of my parents for support when depressed, I don't trust them that much.
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The weeks seem to fly by!Happy Saturday to everyoneI hope that the weekend brings some chill time and barbecuesDoes it take others what seems like forever to add a comment on the boards?I'm okay everywhere else except boards..Everywhere else adds normally but it's annoyingly slow!Have a great Saturday and do something nice for you!!Big hug...xo
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
Those who DO have a clue are medical professionals.
Conclusion .. leave them out of it and turn .. entirely ... to the medical profession.
You state your dependence on your parents .... which makes it impossible to leave them out of it. In my opinion, there is the problem. Plain and simple. They are exposed to something (your illnesses) and don't know how to handle it ... AT ALL.
Anxiety disorder, depression disorder, eating disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and self injury disorder are some very complex disorders ... and call for some extensive PROFESSIONAL care.
Your parents love you ... but are not qualified to deal with these things. Understand that ... and give 'em a break .... get yourself better with the help of the profession .. take your medication as prescribed, .. and find a way to get to your appointments on your own.
They love you, that seems clear. But they don't know how to love you at this point in your life. That also seems clear.
They have "systems" (for lack of a better word) in place that have worked well for them all their years. They are in a place where they really don't understand why their systems don't work for you the way that they do for them.
They are going to have to work that one out themselves. But you may be able to help them. Here are some things I have picked up over the years here. Analogies that sometimes work. Not all of these work for everybody. If one helps great, if not, well, sorry.
GLASSES. This can work quite well if your parents need glasses to see but you don't. Tell them that no amount of yelling on your part, or faith in God will make their vision improve. No matter how many people you know who overcame their vision problems without glasses, they are going to need glasses. It is as simple as that.
DIABETIC. This can help them over any stigma of therapy that they may have. Diabetes is a very serious condition and must be treated. All diabetics need to control their diet to keep the sugar levels constant. Some, but not all, diabetics need insulin injections. Those who need insulin need different amounts on different schedules. Let them know that for people with depression, therapy is our form of diet control. It lets us learn our triggers and helps us anticipate and avoid/prepare for difficult times. Depression meds are like insulin, only they are still trial and error.
FIRE FIGHTERS. It sounds like your mom is pouring thousands of gallons an hour on your fire (ie smothering you with too much attention) but it is counter productive. Ask her to tone down the support and be more general about it. Let the fire fighters (ie the medical professionals) do the heavy lifting, and they need to be there just to support you.
FAITH BASED. I know this is a big issue with you, but try pointing out to them that they need to ask God to help you, and they need to accept that God may be directing them to a really good therapist whom God prepared for this work. They need to pull back and let God work through others.
I am so sorry that things are not going well.
Gentle hugs
ps, if you find another analogy that works for your parents, please let me know!
I used to be a public speaker for The Mood Disorder Assoc of Ontario and I spoke at a couple of parent/teacher nights at high schools and what I found was that people are often clueless so if we can forgive them for that it's a wonderful gift to give
I remember a mom talking to me about her son who was away at university and was in a deep depression and she would talk with him daily on the phone and try and get him to 'take walks in the sun'... She didn't understand in any way shape or form that she was invalidating his feelings and making him feel worse because he was unable to take these walks that she wanted for him
Unfortunately the words depressed and depression so often get confused and people 'think' that they're the same thing
I found my folks were never really supportive .. They wished it would go away however they loved me and they tried their best.. I sought support elsewhere and it really got better from there... As I didn't feel let down anymore
I think from what you've written sweetie is that they're trying... They just don't understand it... It's not within 'their' experience
I think Pepper made a great suggestion re faith... God led you all to the therapist in order to get you help
Big hug for you...x