Could she be try to make amends?

I am very sorry you are so angry, though I imagine I would feel the same in your situation. Anger, or should I say rage, is as much of an issue for me as depression, anxiety, panic, etc. I don't know if this helps, but my therapist has told me that I use anger to try to heal from hurt and depression and a sense of powerlessness or fear over whatever it is. IMHO it sounds like you feel a lot of effort on your part is being erased, and by someone who doesn't deserve the time of day. I often feel like I'm the one who gets short-changed while everyone else gets off scott free. If you haven't already done so, is it possible to tell your husband and/or children how hurt and angry you feel? One thing I forget quite easily is that no one ever 100% knows another person, or can always control how they respond to something. It sounds like your husband wants his mother in his life, and so do your daughters. I hope there is a way you can feel validated out of all this. I'll pray for you, and please know I have been where you are many times in my own way.

One thing I have learned here (more from women than men) is that many people cling to broken relationships with their parents. It seems to me that mostly they are holding onto hope for what could be, what should have been.

Have you talked to your husband about how the text made him feel? Knowing how he feels, and him knowing how you feel, is the first step to a united front. Once you two have common ground future contacts can be managed accordingly.

If he still wants a relationship with his mother, then he can let her know that she must apologize for the way that she treated you in the past, and that part of his mom's obligation to continue is that she must never do the things to you that she used to do. This would be easier if she wanted a relationship more than he does.

It is possible that this is just a passing fancy. People who have mistreated others have made spontaneous gestures, but more as a random brain function than a real effort. And they revert to their old ways just as quickly.

I am sorry that she is putting you all through this.

I'd stay right out of this one. Right the heck out.

Ain't your circus, ain't your monkeys.

Maybe she (the mother) has reached a stage in her life where she really regrets things and wants to try to put things right? I wouldn't be so hasty to judge this negatively in my experience, for what it's worth. People do get older and learn things they could never learn before. I don't think the mother is being deliberately troublesome, maybe just wants to open a dialogue and get things moving in the right direction again? I can understand the OP's dilemma having seen her man break his heart over his mum, but maybe, just maybe, the mother broke her heart over her son and letting him down because of her own problems? Don't mean to be a devil's advocate and please don't shoot me down for things, but there is always more than one side to every family story.

God bless to all involved

Manda xx

Every time I have let my mom back into our lives I ended up regretting it and had to work very hard to get her back out of our lives. She is 74 and will never change no matter how nice she acts initially. And yes I had to talk about her in therapy.

She pit forth an effort. Give her a chance. Like someone else said, she might regret what happened in the past. The past should not rule you. It makes us who, and what we are today...but, NONE of you should live there!!

Live for today!

I had someone call from a number I didn't recognize last week so I let it go to voicemail. When I listened to the message, it was my mother. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years. She was a horrible parent. She abused and abandoned several children. It still caught my heart even though I have no plans to reach out to her. I barely know her but her voice still did something to me. I do not hate her. I feel nothing towards her for the most part. I wish her well and I'm sorry she lived her life in a way that caused her children to choose to stay away from her. She's in a rest home with no other family. It's pitiful but I do not trust her. Maybe one day I'll be able to reach out and give her some comfort before one of us passes on.

I hope you allow your husband to make his own choice. It's hard when you feel a certain way but she gave birth to him and there is a connection there that you already know of because you have children of your own. My brothers had a harder time distancing themselves from our mother than we girls did. Support your husband and don't make him feel guilty or ashamed for how he feels.

Thank you everybody for all your opinions... Such a range and being able to vent when I'm at the worst for stress and over emotional thinking is perfect, because it allows me to let it out (on here) and then I can cool off and look at it in a different calmer light.
We've actually even spoken about it together and it wasn't heated or pointless, like a genuine adult mature conversation!
My husband is doing really good trying to open up and converse with me to help and ATM I couldn't ask for more....

Good stuff! I have found, in most cases, having a place to vent allows me to get the issue in a clearer light...helps me to express my anger, so I can calmly deal with the issue. We are here fore this!!!

glad hubs is being a good hubs....

Hey Thumpa!! sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you and your hubs on this thorny issue!! Way to go!! Hope it all works out for you to everyone's benefit.

God bless!

Manda xx