Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
RANT 1
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Well, today I celebrate another year of sobriety from alcohol. Can't remember if it has been 2 or 3 years.
And yet, I crave alcohol now more than ever. I would fucking KILL for a Screaming Nazi or 7&7!
Last night, I asked another dumb ass question. One I always ask my husband. "Honey, in 2 or 3 years do you ever think I will be able to have another drink?"
Needless to say, he was a bit ticked off. Since we have been wanting to have kids, he thought I was going to ask, "honey, in 2 or 3 years do you think we will have a child?"
But no. Dumbass moi had to ask about alcohol. like that was somehow more important.
Now, I have had no problems whatsoever becoming sober in preparation of having a kid. I also plan on remaining sober as i breastfeed and raise a child. But, all I keep thinking about is will I ever have another drink ever again?
We keep dreaming of moving to NYC, and all I think about are the bars and how I can't even have a single drink. Fuck, when I go to an art show where there is always fuckloads of alcohol, is it that important that I can't have just one single glass of wine?!
And, why the fuck is this so important to me? I even went so far as to ask hubby if I could start drinking after the kids left the house.
"honey, can I start drinking again when I am in my mid fifties and the kids are out of the house?"
WTF?!
And Christ! Does all social events have to revolve around alcohol! This is probably part of the reason why I no longer socialize with anyone. And, will I ever perform in a band again when all one does is play bars?!
RANT 2
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Lately, I have been angry all the fucking time. I am even angry at my husband, although I don't know why. Perhaps it is because he won't let me drink (rolls eyes).
Of course, he does do a lot of things that just drives me nuts, but don't we all have our own quirks that drives others nuts?
For him, it is my loud voice. he has anxiety problems because of work, and my loud voice triggers this. For a while, he was yelling at me for this, but we have decided to be more adult like, and if I get too loud he just asks me to tone it down. Still, he gets pissed at times, which makes me pissed because I really can not control the volume of my voice as much as he thinks I can.
Hubby also has some habits that drive me nuts.
First, he always has to wake me up when he gets ready for work.
I am trying to be more understanding and accepting of his right to relax before work. But, he blares the TV, talks to me when I am trying to sleep, and turns on all the lights. Yeah, I know I am probably not being fair, but if I was in his shoes, I would do EVERYTHING to prevent from waking him.
Also. I hate being the one to blame for mice being in the house when my husband is the one who doesn't use a garbage bag. All trash gets thrown on the table, and I get to clean it up. Wait, now that I think about it, I do the same damn thing. So, obviously this anger is displaced and irrational.
RANT 2.5
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I will now honestly say DS is starting to piss me off. I am currently fuming mad at two users and iffy about another two. Thank goodness one of these two people left the board, or there would have been a massive fight.
About this one person. After reading her negative bullshit, I searched her post to discover a bunch of hateful, disgusting religious right boards. Now, I don't give a shit if this gets be banned because I have been fuming mad for an entire week over this, but one board called CHRISTIAN STRENGTH appears to be a board that revolves around gay bashing. This member, claiming to be a friend to homosexuals on THIS board, was going on the 'christian' board saying that all gays will forever burn in hell.
FUCK HER AND FUCK CHRISTIAN STRENGTH!
The numero uno post that makes me want to jump through the screen and strangle someone is a post made about 'my friend on the OCD thread'
Apparently, this person (who, like myself) suffers from HOCD and was looking for help. What did the people on this board say, along with the person who was the 'friend'? They told her she was going to burn in hell and, guess what? She is no longer a member of the OCD thread. Bravo, you pieces of human shit!
Oh, and to number 2 on my hate list. I'm so glad that you found it so easy to give up smack, but to FUCKING SAY THAT ADDICTS CAN JUST CHOOSE TO GIVE UP AT ANY TIME AND THAT IT IS THEIR FAULT THAT THEY DIE IS DISGUSTING!
Nice one bashing Corey Haim like that, because...you know...he was such a loser and who gives a fuck if he dies. In that case, who gives a fuck if any addict dies?
Oh, and while we are on the subject, my best friend died of a heroin OD. Was he a loser? I also have another friend dealing with heroin addiction that I have not heard from in months that I am worried sick about. Have a problem with him too?
Also, there are 2 topics that DS just never shuts up about. I am all for your freedom to go off about these topics, but being that these topics are major triggers for me, I have never said anything...
...until now...
First off, I am sick and fucking tired of people saying that people with mental disorders should not have kids, because we might pass on the disorder to them.
First off, my grandmother was Bipolar and i am very much glad that my dad decided to reproduce. Because, as much as I have suffered with mental illness, I CHOOSE LIFE. Life is precious. So are the lives of my sister and her three children. To anyone who thinks we are mistakes, fuck you!
I am also proud to say that my husband and I plan to reproduce once our finances are in order. Once again, fuck you if you have a problem with it!
Second, I AM SICK OF SUICIDE BEING CONSIDERED OK! What is with this talk of, it's ok for people dying of cancer to be euthanized, so why can't depressives?! Can you imagine a suicidal 18 year old coming on this board and reading that?! Do we really condone suicide on this board?!
SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER! THERE IS TREATMENT AND THINGS CAN GET BETTER!
well, so much for being the peacekeeper on this board...
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Well, today I celebrate another year of sobriety from alcohol. Can't remember if it has been 2 or 3 years.
And yet, I crave alcohol now more than ever. I would fucking KILL for a Screaming Nazi or 7&7!
Last night, I asked another dumb ass question. One I always ask my husband. "Honey, in 2 or 3 years do you ever think I will be able to have another drink?"
Needless to say, he was a bit ticked off. Since we have been wanting to have kids, he thought I was going to ask, "honey, in 2 or 3 years do you think we will have a child?"
But no. Dumbass moi had to ask about alcohol. like that was somehow more important.
Now, I have had no problems whatsoever becoming sober in preparation of having a kid. I also plan on remaining sober as i breastfeed and raise a child. But, all I keep thinking about is will I ever have another drink ever again?
We keep dreaming of moving to NYC, and all I think about are the bars and how I can't even have a single drink. Fuck, when I go to an art show where there is always fuckloads of alcohol, is it that important that I can't have just one single glass of wine?!
And, why the fuck is this so important to me? I even went so far as to ask hubby if I could start drinking after the kids left the house.
"honey, can I start drinking again when I am in my mid fifties and the kids are out of the house?"
WTF?!
And Christ! Does all social events have to revolve around alcohol! This is probably part of the reason why I no longer socialize with anyone. And, will I ever perform in a band again when all one does is play bars?!
RANT 2
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Lately, I have been angry all the fucking time. I am even angry at my husband, although I don't know why. Perhaps it is because he won't let me drink (rolls eyes).
Of course, he does do a lot of things that just drives me nuts, but don't we all have our own quirks that drives others nuts?
For him, it is my loud voice. he has anxiety problems because of work, and my loud voice triggers this. For a while, he was yelling at me for this, but we have decided to be more adult like, and if I get too loud he just asks me to tone it down. Still, he gets pissed at times, which makes me pissed because I really can not control the volume of my voice as much as he thinks I can.
Hubby also has some habits that drive me nuts.
First, he always has to wake me up when he gets ready for work.
I am trying to be more understanding and accepting of his right to relax before work. But, he blares the TV, talks to me when I am trying to sleep, and turns on all the lights. Yeah, I know I am probably not being fair, but if I was in his shoes, I would do EVERYTHING to prevent from waking him.
Also. I hate being the one to blame for mice being in the house when my husband is the one who doesn't use a garbage bag. All trash gets thrown on the table, and I get to clean it up. Wait, now that I think about it, I do the same damn thing. So, obviously this anger is displaced and irrational.
RANT 2.5
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I will now honestly say DS is starting to piss me off. I am currently fuming mad at two users and iffy about another two. Thank goodness one of these two people left the board, or there would have been a massive fight.
About this one person. After reading her negative bullshit, I searched her post to discover a bunch of hateful, disgusting religious right boards. Now, I don't give a shit if this gets be banned because I have been fuming mad for an entire week over this, but one board called CHRISTIAN STRENGTH appears to be a board that revolves around gay bashing. This member, claiming to be a friend to homosexuals on THIS board, was going on the 'christian' board saying that all gays will forever burn in hell.
FUCK HER AND FUCK CHRISTIAN STRENGTH!
The numero uno post that makes me want to jump through the screen and strangle someone is a post made about 'my friend on the OCD thread'
Apparently, this person (who, like myself) suffers from HOCD and was looking for help. What did the people on this board say, along with the person who was the 'friend'? They told her she was going to burn in hell and, guess what? She is no longer a member of the OCD thread. Bravo, you pieces of human shit!
Oh, and to number 2 on my hate list. I'm so glad that you found it so easy to give up smack, but to FUCKING SAY THAT ADDICTS CAN JUST CHOOSE TO GIVE UP AT ANY TIME AND THAT IT IS THEIR FAULT THAT THEY DIE IS DISGUSTING!
Nice one bashing Corey Haim like that, because...you know...he was such a loser and who gives a fuck if he dies. In that case, who gives a fuck if any addict dies?
Oh, and while we are on the subject, my best friend died of a heroin OD. Was he a loser? I also have another friend dealing with heroin addiction that I have not heard from in months that I am worried sick about. Have a problem with him too?
Also, there are 2 topics that DS just never shuts up about. I am all for your freedom to go off about these topics, but being that these topics are major triggers for me, I have never said anything...
...until now...
First off, I am sick and fucking tired of people saying that people with mental disorders should not have kids, because we might pass on the disorder to them.
First off, my grandmother was Bipolar and i am very much glad that my dad decided to reproduce. Because, as much as I have suffered with mental illness, I CHOOSE LIFE. Life is precious. So are the lives of my sister and her three children. To anyone who thinks we are mistakes, fuck you!
I am also proud to say that my husband and I plan to reproduce once our finances are in order. Once again, fuck you if you have a problem with it!
Second, I AM SICK OF SUICIDE BEING CONSIDERED OK! What is with this talk of, it's ok for people dying of cancer to be euthanized, so why can't depressives?! Can you imagine a suicidal 18 year old coming on this board and reading that?! Do we really condone suicide on this board?!
SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER! THERE IS TREATMENT AND THINGS CAN GET BETTER!
well, so much for being the peacekeeper on this board...
I don't think that you are a "dumbass" for asking if you could drink again. It is sad, but many social situations are based around alcohol. I honestly think that part of the reason I didn't get into many grad schools at which I interviewed was because I didn't feel comfortable drinking in the company of the professors (and a whole bunch of prospective students). That probably complexed with my social anxiety and my lack of knowledge about TV (I haven't had one in years) to make me seem aloof and anti-social (which I can be). But more about you . . .
I think it's understandable to crave alcohol. I don't drink often at all, but I crave a beer now that I'm on meds and can't have one.
I applaud you for kicking your addiction. I have the highest respect for people who can do that . . . it must have been difficult beyond what any of us can imagine. My own brother has overcome his addiction to multiple drugs, and I admire him for it, too. There are psychological AND physiological addictions to overcome; it's not just a matter of "I wanted to stop, so I stopped." At least, not for everyone, and probably not for most.
I do feel bad for Corey Haim, and his family also. I don't know what kind of life he must have had to push him in that direction. I don't walk in anyone's shoes but my own, so I can't pass judgment. May he rest in peace.
I would say that I personally would not reproduce. For me this would be a personal choice, and I would respect your personal choice. (I don't have the urge to spread my genes, and I would adopt instead.) For me to say what someone else should or shouldn't do, well . . . see the above paragraph.
I'm pretty sure you're not talking about me saying that suicide is OK. It is *not* OK, but I don't want people who are suicidal to feel even worse because of the stigma attached to suicidal thoughts. I don't want to add guilt on top of their horrible feelings; how much of my depression is due to shame about my depression? Probably a lot.
I have suicidal thoughts at times, and I share them here because I would like empathy and support. (More recently, I've put them in my journal instead.) I do not say it because I think it's OK--I'm here because I think that it's *not* OK. But I do hope that this is the best place if any to discuss how I am feeling.
I'm sorry that you are so upset, Kuno. I know what it's like, as I'm sure you could tell from my rant last week. I hope that you take care of yourself and feel better in the evening.
Sending you love and hugs . . .
Funny, my ex was just like your husband waking you up when he has to get up. The reason is they want our company & also in my case a bit "passive-aggressive because he was jealous of me sleeping in :)
Friend- Thanks for the reply and no, this has nothing to do with anything you have said.
If people are suicidal, I am all for them expressing it here. I also woulod like to point out that thiose who have comitted suicide and made attempts are not at all weak or horrible people
(hell, even I made an attempt 2 years ago)
I was referring to specific posts where people have actualy openly said that euthanasia should be accepted in cases of depression and mental illness. I keep thinking that a suicidal teen is going to see these posts and something very tragic is going to happen because ADULTS are saying suicide is OK.
Jazz- Reason number one just hit the nail on the head. I don't think my poor hubby could make it to work without a hug before leaving! LOL!
That was a good read, nice venting. I hope it took a bit of weight off you or brought you at least a little relief.
and I agree with you for the most part.....although I did tell one guy that he shouldn't be a sperm donor because he isn't a good candidate...being mentally ill.....
But my thinking was that people are not going to choose sperm from a person who discloses mental illness on their pre-donation paperwork.
maybe that was wrong....
but anyway...VERY good vent.
that is a good thing, and you should be proud.
Second of all about your comments about the posts, people and topics that get to you here...I guess for me I look at it this way...It's none of my business what other people think of me...but that said some people can be so cruel whether it is intentional or not...doesn't make a difference it is still hurtfull. I don't waste my time with people like that. I love it when someone has the nads to say what they really think regardless of the fall out...good on ya.!
I love what you say about life being precious, it's something a lot of people seem to forget. It's good to put it out there.
I think everyone should be educated in mental health and addictions. It's time society started treating everyone as equally human rather judging people on such a small aspect of them. Depression does not define me.
Congrats on your sobriety, you're doing well. Maybe one day the feelings of need for alcohol will fade.
CONGRATS ON STAYING SOBER!!! I can`t pretend to understand how hard it is, but I can acknowledge the fact that it is damn hard. From what I know about alcoholism, your `dumbass`questions are very normal - don`t feel ashamed of the fact that you still think about drinking. Be thankful you have a husband by your side that cares, though. I bet he makes all the difference in the world.
As for the DS related ranting.... only board I really use is the depression one, but I`ve dealt with my fair share of `fire and brimstone`speeches... and totally with ya on the STFU front!
I know it's a hard thing to deal with and anybody who can stop has my admiration. This is going to make you mad , I hope not, but Kuno my friend you will NEVER be able to drink again.
Personally I have never drank a drop of alcohol because I grew up around drunk aunts and uncles and I told myself long ago that I never wanted to be like that. After being in the Navy for 16 years I am rather proud of myself.
The internet is brutal. You can't past a home page without finding worse thoughts than that one. As someone who's lived with depression, PTSD, OCD, and Asperger's for my entire or at least half of my life, I for one have grown weary of the platitude that suicide is definitely not the answer and things will get better.
For many people, things don't get any better. For myself, there is the real possibility that suicide will be the only answer for me some day because I am fast running through my willpower and choices.
There's really few things about the subject that people can say to me that are more frustrating than "get help" which is what I've done for so long.
My opinion is suicide is okay for some people. It's a personal choice that a lot of loud bluster doesn't account to anything for.
(sigh)
Yes, I know deep down that even one glass of wine is a no no for me. With me, one glass is never enough.
Zero- You are entitled to your own beliefs, but I truly feel for you and hope you don't give up the fight. I still hate it when people bring up this topic on the board for fear that a child will read it, but you are right. Freedom of speech prevails.
I've never mentioned this before, but one of my uncles committed suicide. i never knew him (he was my uncle through marriage) but I was always very close to my aunt who was married to him. It basically destroyed her. All of his pain was passed on to her and his family, and I just don't see how that was the answer.
there was a time when I would have agreed 100 percent with you, and that was back when I was drinking. I was having panic attacks for weeks nonstop and I could not find any hope in sight.
All I did was stop drinking, and those lengthly attacks were instantly gone. That is not to say that I still don't have panic attacks, but they are very rare and mild in comparison. Turns out it was just a really bad reaction to alcohol.
For all anyone knows, there can be a simple medical reason for a person's mental suffering.
then again, this is just my own experience.