*bear hug* hush your face your not a mistake. Now first things first, don't ever bottle it all up inside for so long because when that bottle explodes or pours over its gonna leave a bigger mess than you wanted. Second I know how rough long distance relationships are, I'm trying to hold one together right now. As for work, if your workplace gets you down that bad it may be time to look at other places to apply. Not right away mind you but just to see if there's a better paying one with good hours for you. Now lastly, life is often gonna snag you by the ankles and drag you down into the gravel. And I know you've heard this a thousand times but here's a thousand and one. You gotta find what calms you down, a hobby or just a tv show (or book) makes you feel safe/happy then stand up and kick life right in the teeth. You can do it! And if you need to cry then you cry till there's nothing left, its always good to drain your system now and again.

I could have written your post so much is similar in my history. I hid my illness until I was out of college. Now years later I'm at a job where I've been hiding it. Some days not so well. The last year has been very challenging with a new office and more volume of clients. Stress through the roof. Oh, and there's no freaking windows in the office. Always artificial lighting. It's so unhealthy. I'm breaking too. I'm about to talk to my manager or HR to explain that I need help. It's OK to cry. I know it sucks. I hate the headaches after so much crying.
You got to try to control everything in your power: nutrition, sleep, exercise, avoid illness, and avoid mood altering substances like alcohol and drugs. Get fresh air and sunlight as much as you can. You may have heard am this before but I always need reminded. It will get better. Maybe there isn't a cure, but we still have good days, months, years. Hold out for the good times.

you need to get back into therapy....hugs....where is boyfriend going to school Australia?

lol lots of overview stuff, which is depression-food. You have to not have overviews. Why are cows happy? Because they cannot think. :D

Crying is GOOD. If you feel like an idiot - definitely cry. enjoy it. Take a hot bath, go to bed early, and cry your heart out. There's nothing like it. You feel so awful at the time, but the crying removes chemicals which are distorting your thinking. And when they are gone, you can see that life isn't that bad.

Depression isn't a lifelong disease. It's a set of mental habits that we need to realise we are indulging. Every animal goes through pain. Only those who stack it up in a pile get depressed. Every human feels stupid. Some of us just let ourselves feel stupid and say 'everyone's stupid!'

I remember whingeing to my ex husband (when married) about how stupid I had been at a party the night before. He said this:

'why do it to yourself? They're not remembering the dumb thing you did. They're remembering the dumb thing THEY did.'

We're arrogant, that's what we are. We think we're all that important. We're not. The world will be fine without us. Work will be fine without us. We're not RESPONSIBLE for never making a mistake.

It's not our responsibility to be perfect all the time. We have to learn to let that go.

(speaking from MUCH experience. ) :D

Suffering from Depression does not mean that you can never be happy. With the proper treatment, which generally includes medication, talk therapy, learning healthy coping skills, learning proper life skills like eating well, proper sleep hygiene, exercise, you can get to a point where the Depression can be stabilized and you can lead a happy regular life.

You have to be willing to put the work into it. First step is finding a good Pdoc, one that you trust and feel comfortable with, because if you don't trust your Pdoc and don't tell them everything, it's just a waste of time. You need to have a comfortable relationship so that you feel comfortable with your Pdoc. Medications often help, but sometimes it can take trying a few before you get the right one...once again you have to be willing to put in the work and not get frustrated and give up.

I hope that you get started on your journey to a happy life soon.

You are getting a lot of good comments from the above people. Just want to repeat that you are not a mistake. You are here for a specific God-given purpose. Depression is not your identity. Depression is A problem to deal with. You definitely need to get back into therapy and work on changing your thinking and how you see yourself. You can do much better. Also check with your doctor about possible medication to help. Focus on taking care of yourself, not The relationship. The relationship may or may not work out. That's the facts of life. But you can take care of yourself and have a healthy life regardless. The better you feel about yourself, that will carryover into how you do at work and other relationships.