Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Yea, I have had so much shit, not even my own and I have failed everyone. I am drinking right now and not even drunk and cant believe I am writing this.. I am so fucking sad and have been for awhile..
I dont really want to die and when I become Manic again Im sure I can give you a lot of help cause thats when it seems I help everyone but when I am so fucking down, obviously I cant even help myself..
Im not getting any younger and I am in my late 50s and suffered this fucking disease, all my life. Yea I have been the fucking cutter, and I have been on the other side where I walk into the home town bar, had a couple drinks and was always the life of the party. Now that I am old and I cant decipher which is worse. The being *up on life* having a few drinks and finding that man I always needed and screwing his lights out, or the one that set and cried for days and scared all my *best friends off* cause I couldnt be a good enough friend to go out and get the bastards laughing. Yea that was my life and you can read on or not as right now I dont care and most of you here these last few months even know me.. Im the fucking beastie. Im meanie, the one who would get people going and keep shit going.. That was me.. Now I cant keep myself going..
I have seen so many close to me get so sick and tired of being depressed they have taken their lives.. Now seriously!!! Are they the weak ones or is it I that just doesnt dare kill myself? I have asked that too many times lately.. The answer is none that I have.. I want to be strong and I want to be who I should be, but I am in just to much pain to care.. Im not strong enough to kill myself as my ex fiance did earlier this year but then I am not strong enough to live or die.. I know it doesnt make any sense and it doesnt to this fucking old woman but either way I am not living and I dont have the guts to die.. Im in a shell.. I am waiting for my Mania to take over so I can deal with this.. I hate myself and my behavior so much and have anxiety so bad, I would give a zombie, my heart, soul and my personality to give give give, just so I could jump out of my own skin..
Is this a death proclamation??? Fuck NO.. I am not strong enough..
I dont really want to die and when I become Manic again Im sure I can give you a lot of help cause thats when it seems I help everyone but when I am so fucking down, obviously I cant even help myself..
Im not getting any younger and I am in my late 50s and suffered this fucking disease, all my life. Yea I have been the fucking cutter, and I have been on the other side where I walk into the home town bar, had a couple drinks and was always the life of the party. Now that I am old and I cant decipher which is worse. The being *up on life* having a few drinks and finding that man I always needed and screwing his lights out, or the one that set and cried for days and scared all my *best friends off* cause I couldnt be a good enough friend to go out and get the bastards laughing. Yea that was my life and you can read on or not as right now I dont care and most of you here these last few months even know me.. Im the fucking beastie. Im meanie, the one who would get people going and keep shit going.. That was me.. Now I cant keep myself going..
I have seen so many close to me get so sick and tired of being depressed they have taken their lives.. Now seriously!!! Are they the weak ones or is it I that just doesnt dare kill myself? I have asked that too many times lately.. The answer is none that I have.. I want to be strong and I want to be who I should be, but I am in just to much pain to care.. Im not strong enough to kill myself as my ex fiance did earlier this year but then I am not strong enough to live or die.. I know it doesnt make any sense and it doesnt to this fucking old woman but either way I am not living and I dont have the guts to die.. Im in a shell.. I am waiting for my Mania to take over so I can deal with this.. I hate myself and my behavior so much and have anxiety so bad, I would give a zombie, my heart, soul and my personality to give give give, just so I could jump out of my own skin..
Is this a death proclamation??? Fuck NO.. I am not strong enough..
We're All Listening.
So, what do you say you come back here and Talk...?
Leaving you all to worry about me.. I did not post to seek attention but I guess it was a cry for help.... I put the bottle down and should have never picked it up in the first place.. Just too much crap going on in my life and needed to get it out somewhere... I love you guys... You are the best always... I will always love you and I am glad I stopped back in as you have helped immensely...I really was feeling very vunerable and had read another post that broke my heart so I broke for awhile.. Thank you so much for being you guys.. Im so sorry to worry you but I figured you all knew me well enough that I would not do something stupid even though the thought has come to mind sometimes when I think I cant *Bear* another minute...
This last month has been a doozey...My nephew has 5 kids with two different women and chose drugs to cope which in turn got him a felony. His wife has found someone else and called the police on him for pulling a gun on her and as a felon, you are not allowed a gun. Whether he did or not, I don't know but it earned him 1-5 in prison. They are prepping him in county jail for the adverse effects that prison life will cause, like you know *Big Bubba*. In the mean time his sister which has the same father as my nephew but not mother had many demons of her own and when she heard about Shad, my nephew, she went in her room and never walked back out.. They imagine an overdose and are just waiting for the tests to come back. They will not let us contact Shad for any reason so unless someone was able to get him a message, he still does not know... I guess I can thank God that its not my children as that would put me over the edge..
Well enough said... sorry for the long typing just thought I would get that off my chest.. Thank you again and sorry for making you worry. Ruv you rong rong tieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. beastie
Thank You So Much For Letting Us Know That You're Okay :)
We LOVE You So Much!!!!!!!
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))) And LOVE
I am happy that things are turning around, but continue to send you as much good karma as I can!
GUH
I may not visit here much anymore but I am still here and always available to give some support and a big bear hug.
If you get that fucktard bus running...be sure to swing by WI and pick me up. Gaye and I are in charge of obtaining the free pizza. We have our ways with those pizza boys. Lol.
Ruv Ru.
We all know that you would never post to "get attention"!!!! That's just not your nature!!!
You're an awesome lady and I hope you will be able to stay more in touch like you used to....
Sending you peace and hope for better days....
Stay safe.