Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Yea, I have had so much shit, not even my own and I have failed everyone. I am drinking right now and not even drunk and cant believe I am writing this.. I am so fucking sad and have been for awhile..
I dont really want to die and when I become Manic again Im sure I can give you a lot of help cause thats when it seems I help everyone but when I am so fucking down, obviously I cant even help myself..
Im not getting any younger and I am in my late 50s and suffered this fucking disease, all my life. Yea I have been the fucking cutter, and I have been on the other side where I walk into the home town bar, had a couple drinks and was always the life of the party. Now that I am old and I cant decipher which is worse. The being *up on life* having a few drinks and finding that man I always needed and screwing his lights out, or the one that set and cried for days and scared all my *best friends off* cause I couldnt be a good enough friend to go out and get the bastards laughing. Yea that was my life and you can read on or not as right now I dont care and most of you here these last few months even know me.. Im the fucking beastie. Im meanie, the one who would get people going and keep shit going.. That was me.. Now I cant keep myself going..
I have seen so many close to me get so sick and tired of being depressed they have taken their lives.. Now seriously!!! Are they the weak ones or is it I that just doesnt dare kill myself? I have asked that too many times lately.. The answer is none that I have.. I want to be strong and I want to be who I should be, but I am in just to much pain to care.. Im not strong enough to kill myself as my ex fiance did earlier this year but then I am not strong enough to live or die.. I know it doesnt make any sense and it doesnt to this fucking old woman but either way I am not living and I dont have the guts to die.. Im in a shell.. I am waiting for my Mania to take over so I can deal with this.. I hate myself and my behavior so much and have anxiety so bad, I would give a zombie, my heart, soul and my personality to give give give, just so I could jump out of my own skin..
Is this a death proclamation??? Fuck NO.. I am not strong enough..
I dont really want to die and when I become Manic again Im sure I can give you a lot of help cause thats when it seems I help everyone but when I am so fucking down, obviously I cant even help myself..
Im not getting any younger and I am in my late 50s and suffered this fucking disease, all my life. Yea I have been the fucking cutter, and I have been on the other side where I walk into the home town bar, had a couple drinks and was always the life of the party. Now that I am old and I cant decipher which is worse. The being *up on life* having a few drinks and finding that man I always needed and screwing his lights out, or the one that set and cried for days and scared all my *best friends off* cause I couldnt be a good enough friend to go out and get the bastards laughing. Yea that was my life and you can read on or not as right now I dont care and most of you here these last few months even know me.. Im the fucking beastie. Im meanie, the one who would get people going and keep shit going.. That was me.. Now I cant keep myself going..
I have seen so many close to me get so sick and tired of being depressed they have taken their lives.. Now seriously!!! Are they the weak ones or is it I that just doesnt dare kill myself? I have asked that too many times lately.. The answer is none that I have.. I want to be strong and I want to be who I should be, but I am in just to much pain to care.. Im not strong enough to kill myself as my ex fiance did earlier this year but then I am not strong enough to live or die.. I know it doesnt make any sense and it doesnt to this fucking old woman but either way I am not living and I dont have the guts to die.. Im in a shell.. I am waiting for my Mania to take over so I can deal with this.. I hate myself and my behavior so much and have anxiety so bad, I would give a zombie, my heart, soul and my personality to give give give, just so I could jump out of my own skin..
Is this a death proclamation??? Fuck NO.. I am not strong enough..
I am really glad you have made this post. There is no 'put on smile' here ... and I am glad to know what your feelings are. I would like to help ... dunno if I can.
I am going to be a little blunt or 'frank' or whatever ... forgive me in advance if I am off base. It is not my intention to be.
Bipolar .... extremely complex ... and potentially devastating .. as you well know. A person with the condition is either 'over there', (manic), or over 'there' ... (low .. depressed). They are rarely in the 'middle' (normal state). By your own words .. it is either one or the other . for you. It is as if you don't know what 'middle' is ... and therefor, don't now how to attain 'middle'.
Now, . everyone knows I am not a mental health expert .... but Bipolar requires keen medical care. From your post, it would seem you are not getting that. One extreme to the other .. and back and forth.
I am telling you, Darling Woman .....you get to listening/hearing distance from your doctor .... and (probably) get effectively and safely medicated. That is THE treatment for Bipolar . I do believe, . and I think you are somehow off your proper medication. Bipolar . TREATED .. is manageable. It is not being managed at this time .. it is obvious.
Hook up with your Doctor. You need him/her. He/she is the fountain of relief for you.
Love,
WV
I ruv u rong rong rong time.
(((((((( COMFORTING HUGS ))))))))))))
LMT
The death of Al is devastatingly sad, and it's normal to be feeling that. Love the twins with all your might and keep coming here and venting.
You Are Greatly Loved And Needed Here.
I Will Never Forget How You Were The First Person To Throw Open Your Big, Furry Arms And Welcome Me To This Amazing Place.
Thank You So Much For Doing That For Me :)
You Are Hurting And That Is So Unfair.
You Are A Wonderful, WONDERFUL Person.
Please, Honey, Please Don't Drink Anymore. Take Whatever You Have And Dump It Down The Drain.
Please Don't Give Up.
Sending Love And Endless ((((((HUGS))))))
I'm not very good at saying things so forgive me if I don't come
across with the love I feel for you. I really do care and always have.
I'm so very sorry to see you in this state. You've been through so much and somehow always found your way back.
BP is an extremely difficult illness to cope with. I humbly ask you
to get with your dr. and have him/her evaluate where you are and get you started on treatment. BP can be managed with proper help.
You don't have to always be the "go to" person for everyone else.
It's ok to reach out like you have when the going gets rough....it shows your strength in spite of the turmoil.
Right now, you need to fight to take care of your own self.
You are loved and cared about by more people here than you may be aware of, and will stand by you through thick and thin, good, bad and everything in between.
You have an illness, that DOES NOT make you a bad person let alone give you a reason to hate yourself. That illness is manifesting in a manic down phase but you don't need me to tell you that.
You're NOT to old to get help, you're much younger than me and you have the twins that need your special love.
Please, if for no other reason, seek out the help you need for their sakes, whatever it takes, even if it means going inpatient for a short while.
You are and always have been a very kind, loving, caring soul, and
I for one, hope you will fight to come out of this.
Give to yourself the same as you would to any one of us if we were in your shoes right now.
You are strong, you wouldn't have posted if you weren't....please keep writing and allow us to help in whatever ways we can.
WV and Dreamshadow said it better than I did but I want you to know just how special you are to everyone!!!
((((((((((((((((((very gentle hugs))))))))))))))
Rule one is: Do not drink and drive!
That is the most important rule and you must never break it. In fact I do think it was you that told me that here at DS. The other rules are amendable/flexible.........
And, i always thought you were younger than me. Now I am wondering....If we were to walk down the street holding hands ppl would think you were a cougar. which would be cool as people do need things to think about. we could do a little dance here and there, some window shopping, and get a bite to eat at the bar and when the day is complete we can get on the fun buss and ride around.
Watch-ya-say? Sound like a date?
i read the posts here in reply to beastie
in one word: arrogance
arrogance
its just amazing how you people come on here and talk down to her - like wanderingvet
you think she is fucking stupid?
she ALREADY KNOWS everything that EVERYONE OF YOU wrote!
its CANNED answers
hello?
did you not read?
"and suffered this fucking disease, all my life" - beastie
shes not stupid
maybe ask questions more - and blab less
beastie -
i dont even know how to relate to what your feeling
and all that comes to my mind is: im sorry
for what its worth - you can message me anytime and rant
ill try to reply with something substantive
*hugs*
for what its worth - im here for you
Please, by all means, get your meds checked. Bipolar is manageable.
Since others have addressed the issues here, I'd like to take a trip down memory lane.
Of course there are tons of people here who "Ruv ru rong time!"
Internet drama is best dealt with by sitting on lawn chairs drinking pepsi and eating popcorn.
Fence sitting is fun here in internet land; our asses are immune to ass pain here!
The Beatles and The Who are not the only ones with a mystical/magical bus. We have one on constant alert/stand by. You know the one, it has a dedicated twister room, a pole for dancing, a BBQ area and an auto pilot that never gets lost. Unless getting lost is what we all need!
There is a "Sheep God Who Look Like a Goat" and it can teach us how to read and do maths.
Milli O'Nare and her family are around to tell us how they squander money because they can!
There is a cute witch with annoying long toe nails who hates hedge hogs and oreo cookies, she gets confused about mail boxes, but she is a good fiend. I mean a good friend!
Perhaps we need to have another election to select king and queen of DS? remember that this is one election where the election officials are up front about graft!
There is a hug store where you can walk in, order a hug, have it delivered, and are on the honor program to pay what you wish!
And when all else fails, remember the advice of the elderly buzzard. "Patience my ass, I'm gonna go buy me a burger."
OK, that last one may be a pigment of my faded memory, but I think the others are somewhere in our group memory.
Huge hugs to our favorite dancing bear.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdywR6Jl2SU
C'mon, if a little country music doesn't make you kill yourself NOTHING will!
You KNOW I'm messing. I feel like I can do that with you and you'll get it and even laugh or at least Smile.
You are brave alright. Posting Honesty. That is brave.
And if you go out with DH, I'll do a 3-some with ya! :-)~ MEEEEEEEEEEP MEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pain. Physical. Emotional. Psychic. Fucking sucks. I have read where you told so many people so many times this won't Last. You were right. And even if it is BP swinging you back around, at least you Know this pain won't keep you pinned down.
I know why you can't "leave" yet. It's because you have a pair. Ballz, and Twins.
Serve your right to suffer, Bitch! We're gonna be a long fucking time. You are not allowed to die without permission!!! Do not leave us here in this fucking hole.
Oh. As far as being old goes, welcome to the party. IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PERIOD. Don't I know that.
You know I lost someone to suicide last November. I get it.
"Life is short people. We all know that ..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9gyHnWegb4
Love You Friend. Hang On.
Beastie you have little ones you need to be here for, there's only one way and that's to step away again from the beast. HUGS
Wow. Don't take your bad day out on people trying to support Beastie.
Beastie, hang in there, and I agree with others that drinking will not help but only hurt. I know from experience how true that is. Get in to see your doc, please.
We care about you. Hang in there, but please stop drinking.