Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
the depression forum??
jus checkin.
jus checkin.
do you need to talk???
My sister is having her baby this week - and it's a brutal reminder of my inability to conceive/carry children... I'm barren u see... and my once closest sister is blessed and with child... we have been drifting apart her entire pregnany and soon I wont even be able to face her - or her child - I avoid her at ALL costs and I don't think I'll ever be able to accept her or her child... does that sound fucked up? Am I fucked up?
Not being female, I will not pretend to understand or fully guage your feelings. My (highly UNqualified? advice) is to accept the things you cannot change; have the courage to change the things you can;
and have the wisdom to know the difference.
Consider presenting yourself to your sister to help with the new baby. I am sure she will need help and will be very grateful to have you to help and support her.
Being you are "barren", try to accept that, hard as it may be, and spend your time with things that involve children.
This would be an act of confronting and overcoming the issue rather than avoiding it all your life. This would be much easier on you and give happiness where the alternative is bringing you sadness and grief.
Don't take my words as a "command" to any extent, .. just think about it for a while and see if it makes sense.
You may also consider getting some professional help to learn to accept and be able to thrive rather than suffer.
I am sorry for your situation. I think you can intensely improve it.
Good luck to you.
You have so much potential huni, please get what ever yu need to do to confront and get rid of yur anger, resentment, sadness ok?
This child will need yu to be a wonderful aunt to her, a auntie she will love forever!
I used to work for Child and Family Services and then I worked as a Family Support Worker. I worked with kids all of my adult life and it's brought me nothing but more greif and I have doctors and I take pills but nothing can change it and I can't accept it... I will never understand it. I really want to be there for her but I really dont either. Everytime I see her I fake my happiness. I pretend I'm OK. I leave and I'm soooo NOT ok.
I have NO one to talk to about this. NO ONE. My doctors - sure... my boyfriend - sometimes... my family - never. I'm losing it guys... I'm really on the edge here and I just don't know.
ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I'm so angry at myself and at life right now.
Thank you for listening guys... I desperately need a friend right now.. and your words help bring me back to life in some small way. many many thx
I won't pretend to know how it feels to believe that you can't have children. (I used to say that I love my unborn children too much to bring them into this fucked up world... but now I do have 2, and I feel as if I fail them at every pass). Wanting children makes you vulnerable to the threat of not being able to have them... and then if you have them, the nature of life then makes you vulnerable to the threat of losing them. Life is indeed a vulnerable proposition on every front.
I'd ask you to consider this. Why do you want to have children? You want kids because of the opportunity that they represent for you to impact the world beyond yourself, right? Yes, of course, the chance to do so with your own DNA is gratifying to the ego on some level, but the bigger picture is really all the more wholesome... and as much as it may hurt to anguish for your own child, you have the opportunity to step outside of yourself and offer yourself to your little niece or nephew in a way that no one else can. Don't underestimate the value of that position. Parents have the duty of doing the hated tasks, making them eat their veggies, dealing with snotty noses, snooping through private stashes for those clues to all the things that kids don't tell their parents... its a heart breaking proposition (and one that no doubt you will consider an honor, I'm not trying to talk you out of hoping for it!)... but as an auntie, you have the chance to be a help for you sister (who, by the way, isn't going to get a magical instruction manual when the child arrives, and will undoubtedly believe that she is fucking up left and right, and will be accurate on some of those turns)... but you also have the opportunity to be the trusted friend to your niece or nephew that a parent cannot be, just by the nature of good parenting. I feel badly for kids who don't have aunties and uncles to demonstrate how special they are without the encumberance of parental duty. You get to be the fun one, the one that he or she WANTS to tell about the first kiss, the one they want to go shopping with, just for fun. I realize that all of this will come with the twinge of wanting to have a few of your own... but as a mom and an auntie, I'm telling you, both are a very big priveledge, and neither can be compared to the other.
Perhaps you won't miss out on the opportunity to be a mom. I hope that you find yourself blessed in that way, whether it is naturally or through adoption. But regardless of what happens on that front, I do hope that you will not pass up the opportunity to be the auntie that only you can be... and talk to your sister openly about your envy of her ability to have children without the challenge that you face. Who knows, someday, she may want to give them to you, free of charge!
all kidding aside, though, with all the sincerity in my heart, I hope that your dreams are answered. but whatever happens, you do still have the opportunity to have a profound influence on the development of this little soul. tread lightly.
darling, I am literally crying for you right now. And it may be that you cry yourself to sleep over your condition everynight. I'm aware that my best wishes are trite here. Let this child bring joy into your life. The pain that you feel because you don't have your own won't be any worse than if you avoid this child and your sister... only then, you will be mourning the absense of your child, your sister, and your niece or nephew. Adding them to your list of mourning isn't going to make your mourning for your child any more or less.
all that said... don't give up hope. don't believe that whatever the doctors prophesy is a given truth. Miracles do happen!
please please please DON'T fake it! Not with your sister or with anyone. If you don't dare to admit what you are really going through then you rob them of the opportunity to support you through it! Your feelings are valid and important, and you do not have to isolate yourself from those who would want to be there for you. I do, however, understand the tendancy. I am prone to do the very same thing. Right now I am trying to break out of that trend, and to reach out to some select individuals, and to give them the chance to be the wonderful people that they are... AND to know that I am deserving to receive with grace.
You CAN be loved where you ARE... you don't have to pretend to be someplace that you aren't... I know how false even the good stuff you receive in that place feels, because you know you are holding back. LET people love you.
*depressed* YEP!! ur in the right place.
I don't want to put you to the wall, but you are grieving over something that one day you will have to accept and move on. To not arrive at that point, you are destined for the misery you have been under. You have been severely bound by unfortunate circumstances. You can either remain bound, or break free. Start living your life with what it has to offer. Stop giving up your life because of something you can't change. It is time to be good to yourself.