Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was not going to say anything. i was hoping the feeling would go away. But it has not. I don't want to be here anymore..here as in ...alive. While i am pretty sure i will not take matters into my own hands, and I promised my therapist i would not, i am disappointed when I wake up in the morning. I'm sorry. i just cannot find a reason to want to be around. Having "hobbies" is not enough. Having a job is not enough. The only thing I ever wanted in life was a loving family...however family is defined. My family was dysfunctional. And my husband and I have no children....my husband felt that i would have been a horrible parent due to the depression. What he does not get is that a big part of my depression is that I have no children. Please do not talk to me about adoption or fostering, my husband is 100% against it... And volunteering or working with children is NOT the same. I am tired of people suggesting alternatives...my needs and wants are not interchangeable.
I am so tired of the day to day struggles. My husband is once again talking about divorce. And i thought we were doing so well. When i recently reminded him that the cat needed her medicine (what was i thinking...I should have just given it to her myself...but he is so much better with her) he told me to go F myself. Unfortunately he picked the wrong day to be a bully...it was the birthday of my best friend that passed away in November....and in a fit of rage i threw everything off the coffee table and shattered a gift from his mom. i wholeheartedly agree I should not have done that. My anger scares me. But it took him 2 hours of twisting the whole argument around and dragging up past problems to even apologize for what he said to me.And he has a knack for twisted arguments away from the causes and before you know it we are arguing about things that have nothing to do with how what the argument was about.. He gets me so confused.
I really should call off the sale of my moms house on Friday and just move. If we do end up divorced, I will not be able to afford anything else. Her house is paid for and i only work part time. But i don't think my brother, the executor would go for it.
I don't think the man ever loved ME. He loves that i am a pushover and puts his needs first. He loves the things I do for him. Just like my mother. What husband and wife have separate bedrooms-his choice. And don't read any further unless you are an adult...but i do not recall the last time i had sex. It has been years!
Yes...we are in therapy. Obviously it is not helping. And it is not that we need to find another therapist . he just needs to want to work on the marriage.I must be such a loser to have people treat me like this.
I have been lost most of my life. But i always held out hope that there was a way back. Until today.
I am so tired of the day to day struggles. My husband is once again talking about divorce. And i thought we were doing so well. When i recently reminded him that the cat needed her medicine (what was i thinking...I should have just given it to her myself...but he is so much better with her) he told me to go F myself. Unfortunately he picked the wrong day to be a bully...it was the birthday of my best friend that passed away in November....and in a fit of rage i threw everything off the coffee table and shattered a gift from his mom. i wholeheartedly agree I should not have done that. My anger scares me. But it took him 2 hours of twisting the whole argument around and dragging up past problems to even apologize for what he said to me.And he has a knack for twisted arguments away from the causes and before you know it we are arguing about things that have nothing to do with how what the argument was about.. He gets me so confused.
I really should call off the sale of my moms house on Friday and just move. If we do end up divorced, I will not be able to afford anything else. Her house is paid for and i only work part time. But i don't think my brother, the executor would go for it.
I don't think the man ever loved ME. He loves that i am a pushover and puts his needs first. He loves the things I do for him. Just like my mother. What husband and wife have separate bedrooms-his choice. And don't read any further unless you are an adult...but i do not recall the last time i had sex. It has been years!
Yes...we are in therapy. Obviously it is not helping. And it is not that we need to find another therapist . he just needs to want to work on the marriage.I must be such a loser to have people treat me like this.
I have been lost most of my life. But i always held out hope that there was a way back. Until today.
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
I think it is horrible your husband thinks you would make a terrible parent because of your depression. To me it sounds like he just doesn't want children and puts the blame on you.
Please don't ever think you are a loser. You can't chose your birth family. It's not your fault if they were dysfunctional. Unfortunately, coming from a dysfunctional family makes it more likely a person would end up in a dysfunctional relationship. It's nothing you done wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. You are just a victim of circumstances.
(((hugs)))
It will be terrifying and weird at first, but then you will actually get to live before you die. Your current existence is a living death. That's why you want to kill yourself: even up your insides with your outsides.
Your alternative is to even up your outside with your insides. Change your life so that it is happy, or at least has the potential for happiness. Then you won't be suicidal.
I'm glad you checked in with us. Know how much all of us care. We do.
It sounds like you have some serious decisions to make.
(((((((((( HUGE HUGS )))))))))))
LMT
You just made my day. To know you are safe is so important to us.