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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in my history). So, when we were on our overnight tent camping trip he called me "stupid" while hiking through the woods. I corrected him right on the spot. I told him just bc I'm not an experienced hiker is no reason to be mean and name call. Five days later, I'm still puzzled about his comment. I wasn't being over the top obnoxious....
I was kinda quiet the rest of the trip with a few nice comments on the ride home. I gave him a hug and thanked him for my first tent camping experience. Later in the evening he invited me to a family party (first invite to meet his family ever!). I politely declined. He's tried to invite me to other engagements this week, but I've made excuses to say no. I really like him but he may be too unpredictable (one day he's making me a nice dinner and the next he is calling me stupid)
Of course I talked to AI about it:
- Isolation is a Control Tactic: In a car or the woods, you cannot easily walk away, call an Uber, or go to a friend’s house. He knows this. Choosing to insult your intelligence when you have no exit option is an exercise in total control.
- Emotional Distress Affects Driving: Arguments in cars can easily escalate into reckless driving, whether intentional or caused by anger-induced distraction, placing your physical safety at immediate risk.
- The "Two Faces" Risk: A partner who behaves like a progressive peer in public but degrades you when you are isolated is relying on the privacy of the woods or the car to let their unchecked biases and anger out.
- Consistent Change at Home: He must demonstrate for months in your everyday environment that he has completely stopped name-calling, stopped acting superior, and can handle disagreements with respect.
- A Genuine, Accountable Apology: He must explicitly acknowledge that trapping you in a car/campsite and calling you stupid was a violation of your safety and your relationship.
- An Independent Exit Strategy: If you ever do travel with him again, you must have your own keys, your own vehicle, or a guaranteed, independent way to leave the situation immediately if he crosses a line.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
He will not change, you can't make him change.
Speaking up is good but it likely won't change him.
He likes when he can manipulate you to chase him. Please google the term intermittent reinforcement because I think he uses that on you. We get used to the dopamine hit of their nice times and then they use negative stuff to push us away.
So when we don't get the dopamine hit of their niceness, we crave it and do the chase. We chase them for their sometimes nice behaviors but we suffer a lot from the abusive, cruel stuff.
You wrote he told you to 'shut your mouth' in 2025 and he called you stupid last week
Both of these things are wrong for sure and you called him on it
Are there other things sweetie?
Is he normally kind?
I think on occasion people can 'crack off' and it's no good and needs to be nipped in the bud which you did
From the comments people seem to think he's dangerous?
Calling him out immediately seems to be the best course. (To give a bit of context, he shares a birthday with VP JD Vance and is very off the charts opinionated like JD……..). although AI recommends I watch my back I feel I can protect myself if I need to
Is he still incompatible with you on commitment?
Do low EQ people appeal to you? That's such a turnoff to me.
I grew up in an emotionally abusive and toxic household. Dumb and stupid were the most frequent insults thrown around.
I didn't know what EQ meant either
My take is that if he got a tad wound up and blurted out a couple of insults over a couple of years I could certainly forgive that if he was sorry and didn't continue with it
My big worry for you sweetie is the low EQ
He has a big problem feeling empathy for another
Is he willing and able to commit?
Are you willing to accept less then what you want and maybe need for yourself?
If he can commit and wants a complete relationship that's one thing
If not it's not
After all the time you've spent with him are you comfortable simply laying it on the table to state what you want if it's to move forward?
Big hug Mel
You deserve a relationship that will make you happy and give you peace
Not torment you...xo
It's basically an annoyance to him and takes the focus off of him seems to be the way he sees it
I'm wondering if he's at all like your mom was sweetie?
If I'm completely wrong pkease forgive me...xo