Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was not going to say anything. i was hoping the feeling would go away. But it has not. I don't want to be here anymore..here as in ...alive. While i am pretty sure i will not take matters into my own hands, and I promised my therapist i would not, i am disappointed when I wake up in the morning. I'm sorry. i just cannot find a reason to want to be around. Having "hobbies" is not enough. Having a job is not enough. The only thing I ever wanted in life was a loving family...however family is defined. My family was dysfunctional. And my husband and I have no children....my husband felt that i would have been a horrible parent due to the depression. What he does not get is that a big part of my depression is that I have no children. Please do not talk to me about adoption or fostering, my husband is 100% against it... And volunteering or working with children is NOT the same. I am tired of people suggesting alternatives...my needs and wants are not interchangeable.
I am so tired of the day to day struggles. My husband is once again talking about divorce. And i thought we were doing so well. When i recently reminded him that the cat needed her medicine (what was i thinking...I should have just given it to her myself...but he is so much better with her) he told me to go F myself. Unfortunately he picked the wrong day to be a bully...it was the birthday of my best friend that passed away in November....and in a fit of rage i threw everything off the coffee table and shattered a gift from his mom. i wholeheartedly agree I should not have done that. My anger scares me. But it took him 2 hours of twisting the whole argument around and dragging up past problems to even apologize for what he said to me.And he has a knack for twisted arguments away from the causes and before you know it we are arguing about things that have nothing to do with how what the argument was about.. He gets me so confused.
I really should call off the sale of my moms house on Friday and just move. If we do end up divorced, I will not be able to afford anything else. Her house is paid for and i only work part time. But i don't think my brother, the executor would go for it.
I don't think the man ever loved ME. He loves that i am a pushover and puts his needs first. He loves the things I do for him. Just like my mother. What husband and wife have separate bedrooms-his choice. And don't read any further unless you are an adult...but i do not recall the last time i had sex. It has been years!
Yes...we are in therapy. Obviously it is not helping. And it is not that we need to find another therapist . he just needs to want to work on the marriage.I must be such a loser to have people treat me like this.
I have been lost most of my life. But i always held out hope that there was a way back. Until today.
I am so tired of the day to day struggles. My husband is once again talking about divorce. And i thought we were doing so well. When i recently reminded him that the cat needed her medicine (what was i thinking...I should have just given it to her myself...but he is so much better with her) he told me to go F myself. Unfortunately he picked the wrong day to be a bully...it was the birthday of my best friend that passed away in November....and in a fit of rage i threw everything off the coffee table and shattered a gift from his mom. i wholeheartedly agree I should not have done that. My anger scares me. But it took him 2 hours of twisting the whole argument around and dragging up past problems to even apologize for what he said to me.And he has a knack for twisted arguments away from the causes and before you know it we are arguing about things that have nothing to do with how what the argument was about.. He gets me so confused.
I really should call off the sale of my moms house on Friday and just move. If we do end up divorced, I will not be able to afford anything else. Her house is paid for and i only work part time. But i don't think my brother, the executor would go for it.
I don't think the man ever loved ME. He loves that i am a pushover and puts his needs first. He loves the things I do for him. Just like my mother. What husband and wife have separate bedrooms-his choice. And don't read any further unless you are an adult...but i do not recall the last time i had sex. It has been years!
Yes...we are in therapy. Obviously it is not helping. And it is not that we need to find another therapist . he just needs to want to work on the marriage.I must be such a loser to have people treat me like this.
I have been lost most of my life. But i always held out hope that there was a way back. Until today.
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It's National Doughnut Day!Which three would you like? (never mind the calories, fat, or sugar content; just go with what you would pick if none of that mattered and whatever health issues you might have that would keep you from eating one in real life can be cast aside for this exercise as well... have at it!)
I think the above replies have given you some things to think about.
Gentle hugs
Please take care of yourself. (((((HUGS))))) Much love.
Heather
You should just go ahead and divorce him and move into your other house. It's clear he has zero interest in actually mending your marriage, and the sooner you're away from him the sooner you'll start to recover.
Part of my own depression stems from not being able to have something in my life that I dearly want. However, the thing that I'm wanting is to have a healthy, loving relationship with a woman. I grew up being emotionally/psychologically/physically abused by women (including by my own mother), and as a result I have severe anxiety around women.
For many years I believed that there must be something wrong with me that I couldn't see that was attrackung so much hostility from women but not men. As a result of this there is a part of me that craves one day being in a healthy, loving relationship with a woman, since such an achievement would mean that there isn't anything wrong with me that makes women want to abuse me. It would also help me to be able to feel safe around women if I were able to have a healthy close relationship with one.
Therein lies the problem. I crave being able to have a normal, healthy relationship with a woman so as to overcome my anxieties regarding women. However, my depression and anxieties prevent that from happening until they have been treated. Much like you want children, but depression has blocked you from your goal.
I eventually had to come to terms with the fact that it would be unfair for me to burden a partner with my problems. That I simply am not well enough yet to achieve that goal. Similarly, you yorself do not sound like you are well enough to reach your goal yet either.
We must both continue working on getting well enough that we can finally reach our goals and fully recover.
I hear you when you say you want NO alternatives. Sometimes the idea of change is so awful, even if it is for the good for the long run, so I stayed in that marriage 16 years longer than I ever should have. We divorced way back in 1988, but I still bear the deep scarring of emotional and mental abuse and wish he had agreed to going to counseling with me.
Getting back to your situation, it sounds like you are in a weakened state because of your depression which is a reaction to his treatment of you, along with wanting to have a family, and that looking like it isn't working out right now.
Maybe after awhile, you will get so tired of the abuse that you will file. I was very quiet about getting a divorce from my husband because I felt frightened to do it. From the moment I told some good friends of my decision, they all supported me, and when he was served he had to leave right away because of their support, and because of the restraining order.
There have been many positive things that have happened since the divorce, and it began by me standing up, inside of myself, for what I want out of life. Abuse was not one of them. I didn't share this with my then husband, because he wasn't on my side. I shared my intentions with myself, and two very trustworthy friends. I also joined a 12 step group that provided instant support With each step on my own behalf, I got a little stronger and a little stronger, and that lasted for many years.
I still deal with the collateral damage to my emotions and mental state, secondary to the abuse, which has physical ramifications.. I also have to remember that I grew up in a very violent, abusive home. But if I can make huge changes on my own behalf, anybody can. At the same time, only you know when to take action, if you ever decide to.