I believe, from what you said, that it is clear that your Ex is poisoning your Sons' minds.

One wonders if the majority of people in this world are Sociopaths!

Desigol, I wonder about that too sometimes. My other son, I haven't spoken to in 5 months. He was so cruel & violent the last time he was home, I locked my bedroom doors & wedged chairs under the knob. He called a couple of months later & wanted to move back home & I told him no. That was the last time I spoke to him. It's painful enough to have one son I am estranged from, I don't want to lose another, but I simply cannot go on letting him use me as his doormat.

I am so sorry you re being treated like this. You deserve better. I hope you stick to your guns and get that apology before you have eny more contact with him.

I read and practice what Buddhism I can. The thought there is that we cling to much to this image of ourselves that doesn't really exist, and in trying to protect that image, our minds become unpeaceful, unbalanced, or unhappy. The term for it is self-grasping, and we are grasping at a delusion. It explains everyone's bad behavior and their negative feelings. The things that we think should be a given in our life really isn't. Things we think will make us happy, can only yield temporary happiness, but the nature of life is to suffer, that is normal, that is "samsara". I don't know if this helps or not, but I don't know how long you will have to wait for an apology from this angry son of yours, and it may never happen. Letting go of your own hurt is what is best, don't see it as being so important, I don't mean lay down and let him walk on you, but if he is going to be so negative, let go of expecting anything positive from him, let go of expecting an apology from him, Don't take any more crap, don't subject yourself too it, but you got to let go of the hurt as not being as much of a problem as your mind is telling you it really is.

If you can do that, then you are better at Buddhism than I am

whatswrong, that is a beautiful theory. After 10 years of hurt from my 2 sons, it's a little hard to just let it go & not affect me. I guess Im human that way. Every single person in my life thus far has hurt me. Even my mom & dad. My only defense is to build a wall around my heart so I don't get hurt. Thanks for the post anyway.

Yeah, it's hard for me too. I've become a total recluse because I've felt hurt from things so many have done. That's why I said if you can do it, you're a better Buddhist than me.

I like the Buddha theories....someone who talks a lot about Buddha theories...is (spelling) Eckart Tolle.

Gordo...he has tapes to listen to in the CAR..you and I seem like identical twins with our sons...and I REALLY only felt peace when I listened to this man speak on tape.

I would invest in this for you...it does help..even if it is for one day...Its a relief.

He probably suffers from mental illness also. He needs to seek help. Explain that to him. I would hope you don't completely shield him from yours. Explain that his responses to these situations are not acceptable, productive, or healthy. They are hurtful to those around him that he decides he can get away with it to, and whether or not he realizes it, it is abuse, and a form of assault. Unless he not only apologizes but seeks help to control his verbal assaults, he will end up being a very, very lonely man.

ss, I have told him that before, it just fuels the flames. He gets VERY defensive & the name calling begins. He has said "im not a nutcase like you are mom"...so, you can see where that gets me. His GF has the same problem. The only thing I can say for them both, is they are pretty good parents. My GS is always happy and healthy. They accuse me of not loving him. All it takes is me wanting to switch days!

Your dumb son reminds me of my oldest brother who had the nerve to say hurtful words to my mom. It upsets me when my mom get upset when he does not call her and then sometimes she may ask me should she call him, of course I will say "NO", then tell her why I don't think it is good to call for nothing butt. I want to really describe my feelings but I'll keep it clean. That butt do not realize that he only have ONE MOTHER and he should treat her better than that. One day he won't be able to hear your voice.

I also agree with gramybear because it seems that it's so easy for the mom to think that it's her fault that her children turned out to be beasts like your son. I'm sure that you did not the very best you could with your kids when they were small. Please don't let guilt set in. My mom is going through that right now. There had been several times my oldest brother said hurtful things to my mom and it caused her a lot of grief and he is the type of person who likes to tell people (outside of our family) what creeps we are. When we meet these people, they don't want to be friends with us. His children are not so friendly, his oldest daughter is getting married but my mom is not acknowledged. She can't attend the wedding because she is in another state but she is not acknowledged by her granddaughter.

I'm not a mom but I'm happy with my single life. But it floored me when you mentioned what your son said to you. Shit what is the matter with him? where was his father when he needed a dad?

I hope destiny hit him hard!

wep, thank you. You are a good daughter. My youngest gets really upset by it too. I have 2 sons who treat me like dirt, the other 2 have never said one hurtful word to me. I guess I should be thankful for the 2 that are respectful, but it's hard sometimes.

Hi gordo!
Yes, start paying attention to the other two...my youngest resents me deeply for spending all my energy on my oldest...They may not say anything to you...but they probably do feel jilted...its natural for them to feel that way :(.

Does your son ever call to ask you for anything?

Charlie, oh yes. Not so much in the last 6 months or so, but ALOT in the last 5-6 years. I have funneled him so much money, I lost count & have no more money left to give. That is why it hurt so much. I have always been there for him. Now that I need him, he does this. He really takes advantage of his stepdad (my husband). Whenever his car needs fixed, he calls my husband. My husband owns a body shop & has a lot of mechanic friends. My son knows he can get the work done for free or at a steep discount. I told my husband NO MORE! My husband has let him get away with this disrespect numerous times & still fixed his car. I told hubby its about time he sticks up for me..even to my own son. Im having a hard time this weekend. I just plain don't want to be here anymore.