first you need to get yourself to the doctor, and tell him or her what is happening inside you. They can either give you a counsellor, or medicine.

It is very tough being young, far tougher than old people ever seem to remember. It's about the toughest time of your life, so don't be ashamed to say you're having troubles. Okay?

they will give you a test at the doctor's called a depression test. When they get the results back from you they will know what to do next.

If you don't have access to any doctor there is some self-help you can do.

Firstly: no more cutting. It makes you ugly and it's just a way of avoiding facing your pain.
Secondly: face your pain. Go ahead and cry. Go ahead and lie in bed not doing anything whenever you can get away with it. You have to grieve. This is exceedingly painful, which is why the doctors normally give either counsellors or emotional painkillers (antidepressants).

I don't know why you have to grieve, but you do. And when you have finished grieving you will be all stuck together again. Childhoods are awful, adolescence is awful, going away to university is awful, and there can be a giant backlog of distress we have to deal with when we find ourselves with free time. Some people will keep themselves extremely busy, and some people will flake out and go to bed.

If there is any way for you to get a 2 week holiday that you can spend in bed, hang on in there and hold out for that fortnight. it can help a lot, just taking the lid off and letting some pain out.

xx.

(a fellow sufferer here, by the way, not a doctor or anything.)

I'm so sorry to know that you're suffering because I know exactly what it is like. I urge you to see a doctor so you can find someone to talk to about this. There are plenty of people who are going through the same thing so you're not alone.

It's rough, I get days like that too, I've been depressed for years now. Cry if you need to,get in bed if you need to, but always remember that most things can be fixed if you can just think of a way and if you can't on your own then don't be afraid to ask for help. If you need someone to talk to message someone here if you're more comfortable doing so than talking to someone else. I do also recommend talking to a doctor though if you feel comfortable enough, or at least a parent or sibling.

You just took a very important first step by reaching out to us here. This is a safe place where you can share what is going on without judgment. Please know you are not alone. I agree with seeing a doctor. That is a very important next step.Hugs!!

Yeah we are not docotors. I think people cannot understand me too. Welcome to the group.

Hello Khaely, I am glad you have found and joined us. I believe Haifa is in Northern Israel. Being in the Middle East, I really don't know what the conditions are there. I suppose it is very frightening.

I must tell you that you need medical help ... your depression is possibly complicated with other things .. such as trauma, stress, or? or? It takes medical care to treat that kind of depression.

I hope you can contact medical services ... and explain EVERYTHING you have described in your post. You cannot overcome without medical treatment and your condition can worsen .. especially if you are self harming.

We here, in this online group can only encourage you and let you know we understand. The real help will come from Medical Services. Please seek and find it.

I am sure you can find treatment in Haifa.

"Haifa medical facilities have a total of 4,000 hospital beds. The largest hospital is the government-operated Rambam Hospital[138] with 900 beds and 78,000 admissions in 2004. Bnai Zion Hospital and Carmel Hospital each have 400 beds. Other hospitals in the city include the Italian Hospital, Elisha Hospital (100 beds), Horev Medical Center (36 beds) and Ramat Marpe (18 beds).[139] Haifa has 20 family health centers.[139] In 2004, there were a total of 177,478 hospital admissions.[139]

Rambam Medical Center was in the direct line of fire during the Second Lebanon War in 2006 and was forced to take special precautions to protect its patients.[140] Whole wings of the hospital were moved to large underground shelters.[141]"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haifa#Medical_facilities

Thank u so much all of u for all the suport..... Its been a while..... It really means the world to me the suport.... I have a doctor.. All my life i had one always... Since i was 5... I have medical care but the feelings still come back all the time... But the medication is an improvement i guess...... I came to live in israel when i was 15.. But i lived in south africa before.... The first time i became suicidal i was 9.... that went on for a while until the help started to work..... I cut when i was 9, 10 and 11 yrs old..... But now im 18 and i dont just cut... i do other stuff to self harm too.... I just wish it will all go away....And the mental hospitals are not much help... Even in SA.

>>And the mental hospitals are not much help

I don't know that you need hospitalization (inpatient). In any case, your condition is long term .. been going on for a long time ... and possibly worsening.

I cannot think of any better resource than professional medical care. In my opinion, time spent pursuing it is time best spent.

As we have said ... we will always support you. Do all you can to prevent self harm. That is the most urgent issue.

Thank u so much. I know im getting medical care but its just nice to talk to people who maybe can understand and can relate...... U not really allowed to talk about these things in society.... Cant really talk to anyone...... So its nice to talk here...

you are certainly welcome to (at least) do that here.

Something that I have been told is that we cannot feel our way to better behavior, but we can behave our way to better feelings. I know that works, I also know how arduously hard it is to do that. But when I can force myself to just do the thing in front of me (pick up the clothes on the floor, make the bed, fix myself something to eat...not big projects like clean the closet or write my resume), and then do the next thing right in front of me, within a matter of days I realize that I am indeed feeling ever so slightly better. One of my doctors once recommended exercise. I told him I didn't have nearly enough energy for that. He said he didn't mean working out, just putting on shoes and going outside, and walking to the corner of my block (three closely-spaced houses away) and back.

My heart goes out to you sweet lady. I'm so glad you found us. You will find so much understanding and support here. God Bless. GB

Khaely ... you are on my mind a lot now. I don't want you to answer anything you don't wish to say .. but I am curious ...

what kind of family support do you have? Parental or other relatives?