you are telling your self that is what you think you want based on how you feel, but deep inside there is a will to live and find meaning for yourself. Believe me what you think is a way out, is not at all. I wish i had just the right words to stop you thinking this way from what I went thru last January loosing a friend this very way. If he could only see what all he has left behind. His family/friends, will never be the same. I know you believe maybe no one cares, but we//they, do. there is someone right now, so helpless in what to say to you or reach you some how. It is there just reach out..... Hugs to you... touched by your post. Stay here.

wishing you the recovery from depression needed to feel normal again....hugs

You have 2 teenaged kids, and you're talking like this.

It says on your profile you don't tell the doctor you have depression and you don't take meds. Why do you not want to take meds? I think you have a responsibility to go tell the doctor you have depression, and get on some medication. You may not feel life's worth living but you have responsibilities.

This situation is crazy. You clearly are not managing this on your own and if you're talking suicide then I think you need to take the situation seriously.

The fact that you took the time to post this means there is a part of you who needs to reach out for help. I agree with the previous poster that you should at least make an effort to talk to a doctor about how you're feeling. There are ways out of the darkness. Trust me, I have been there many times.

???????....

2 teenaged kids? I don't have 2 teenaged kids? I have one son that is 22 years old...and 4 adult step-children...

As for doctors and meds...well I tried that...and while it worked for little while, it stopped working about 9 months ago....and the reason I don't take my meds is because by not taking them maybe I'll just drop dead...instead of extending my poor pitiful life...I really do not want to live anymore...

I haven't updated my profile in a very long time, I only come here sporadically because I realized it wasn't very helpful...

I've thought of suicide for many years now...I worked out the plan over two years ago...but I couldn't do it at the time because I had responsibilities...I have NO RESPONSIBILITIES to anyone at this time...only to myself...and I don't care about those responsibilities...I don't care about anything...

I have been an introvert all my life...I love to be alone...I loved to be alone...I don't even want to be alone anymore...I don't want to be around people...I used to enjoy my own company...I don't anymore.

I am not happy...haven't been happy in a long time...and I don't see any real purpose in living...I literally dread waking up everyday....

I think about death or dying on a constant basis...I no longer have any empathy, sympathy, or any feelings at all...I don't even feel anger anymore...all I want is to die...

BUT...I don't have the courage to do it because I am afraid I will fail and end up being a burden to my only son.....

I think the fact you have not gone through with it says alot about you wanting to live. Are you in therapy? Have anyone to talk to? Have you tried to call up the suicide hotline? I think you should.

There have been times when I felt like ending it all. I never had a clear cut plan on doing it though. I feel during times of hopelessness is when I feel the urge more.

I believe I am here for a reason, though what that is I don't know. I think you are here for a reason too.

Please hang on, and reach out for help.

hugs

I wonder whose profile I went to then. it said they had 2 kids.

You have one though. why do you discount him? Why do you say "i have no responsibilities"? You never stop being a mother.

Anyway I rejected the idea of suicide because kids are always going to need their mum. I think you maybe need to go quit your job and travel the himalayas for a few years, and refind yourself. :)

Well, you're here so that says to me that you are looking for support and a reason to not end it. For me I keep going for my son and husband. Our kids need us to go on living no matter what their ages are. And consider trying some meds. again. There are so many to try that one is bound to work for you.

Perhaps you need to change Dr's AND meds. Like Heidiclark said, there will be SOMEthing out there that will work for you.

I heard somewhere that if you make too lists, one of the people that will be sad that you're gone, and one of the people that will be glad when you're gone. If the sad list is longer, then you're being selfish. lol Not sure where they got their psych degree, but the humor in it kinda made me smile.

There is a reason you're still here. A reason you can't follow thru. Look for it, and see where you can expand on it. I doubt it's just fear of failure. I think the Lord has a purpose for you yet. Seek out what that might be and work on it. You'll be amazed at how good it will feel. Go down to a veterans clinic and just sit and talk to the vets. Don't worry, you won't have to say much, they'll talk your arm off. ;-)

Just look for a place where you can make a difference in someone ELSE's life, and see if it doesn't make a difference in your own. If not, contact me and I'll tell you how to finish it.
Hugs,
RF

The fact is that death is terminal. It is completely ending any chance you may have of anything positive in the future. Life is like a random line-graph that goes up and down without warning. Your line-graph is way down and has been for awhile, but that does not mean it will not go back up for reasons that are unclear to you at this moment. Personally, I don't even know you, but can guarantee that there will be better experiences than what you are going through right now. Do not give up on yourself.

U MUST NOT WANT 2 DIE, I THINK....................
U HAVE SO MUCH 2 LIVE 4............................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

I know how you feel. For awhile I held on only because of my grandson. I really did not care about anything else. I felt like no one cared about me either. I came here, saw a doctor on a regular basis, took my medication and changed my suckie life situation. It has helped me. Just for today, I am not suicidal. It took so long to get over it. I may be tomorrow, but not today.

I clicked the post before I meant to, since you reason to live is not such a concern for you now, you need to find another one. No matter how small. Maybe only a day at a time. You know like, I can't do it today, my hair is mess, or I can't do it today because I have not washed any cleaned clothes, or so and so is coming over and I don't want them to find me. You can find all kind of simple reason to keep going one more day. Your also right, most attempts are not successful. You may end up a vegetable or ruin your health in other ways. Part of my problem was I was disabled and had to depend on others to take care of me because I could not work. I felt and still feel that their was a great anger and resentment towards me for being sick. I know you don't want to go to that place. Depression lies to you. Please seek out a doctor and get some help. You may stop hating yourself.

Thanks ZAZAS...

still not in a good place...but i am out....went out to the real world yesterday to do my husbands taxes...out in the real world today trying to finish my sister in laws taxes...but it is just too hard...I feel so dead so sad...so out of place...i just want to be alone...and dead...

I went to a therapist last week and am scheduled to see her again next week...but I don't know...i felt worse after the initial appt...I have started taking my meds sporadically but i just don't believe they help cause i always end up feeling worse after taking them both physically emotionally and mentally...i just can't get over..no...i can't get out of this deep pit of depression that i am stuck in...

and so that leaves me wanting to die...i lay awake all night thinking of ways to die...and sometimes i have even darker thoughts...and i just don't know what to do anymore...

U CANT DO IT BECAUSE GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN DOESNT WANT U TOO SWEETIE.
HE IS LOVING AND FULL OF MERCY AND COMPASSION.
HUGS
GBU
DRENA B
;-O