KEEP GETTING OUT.
IT WILL LIFT YOUR SPIRITS AND MAKE U FEEL BETTER.
ITS SPRINGTIME OUTSIDE.......................
THINK ABOUT THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS AND SUCH..................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

I know from recent experience that how I am seeing things can change 180 degrees in a week from horrific nightmare I have to endure to 'so what lol'. I get a lot out of counselling, and I have noticed that when I walk away I'm often not happy with the counselling session, but the fact is a pimple has been popped, and now the pus can drain. Within a couple of days I feel much better than I did before I went.

You are close to suicide, and the closer to suicide you are, the more negative spin you put on everything that happens around you and the narrower the set of options you think you have for your life. To walk away from suicide you have to change the way you view the world, and the way you analyse events.

So you have to shift from 'counselling hasn't worked' to 'it hasn't worked yet'. And when you say that you can see that one session isn't going to change the world... but that it is a sensible direction to go in. A better direction than the one you're going in right now.

It's good that you feel worse after your first appointment. But that goes. It's like popping a pimple maybe. It hurts, sure. But then it releases some pretty horrible pressure you were enduring. And it can empty out, and heal. Without the popping, there is no healing.

And when you start to experience the healing, it so far outweighs the popping that you can absolutely revel in it.

But at the start, all you're experiencing is the pain of the squeezing, and you don't know what the outcome of it will be. Have faith in the process, buy into the process, tell the absolute truth in counselling and let it all come out, and the counsellor can then start to take you through the process of analysis in a way that will have a good outcome for you. It's going to be painful, and uncomfortable. And absolutely worth it.

everything you said here really hits home. i am feeling the same way. i know it is not much help and i wish i could say more. you are not alone in this..i guess that makes 2 of us.

If meds DO help, they only work if you take 'em. I advise you to discuss your suicidal tendencies with a medical pro, and TAKE THEIR ADVICE .... which includes medication .... usually.

I am looking into transcranial magnetic stimulation for my depression. Supposedly it has an 80% success rate. Another member here at DS got a lot of help from it.

from what I have read, ... TMS has a pretty good record.

I am the survivor of five suicide attempts. My first one was at 16, I was arrested as I was about to jump in front of a midnight freight train (they were after someone else but found me instead). 72 hour hold in psych ward. Next I drove my car over a cliff at 21, survived the crash without a scratch. Car totaled.

at 35 took a bottle of prescription sleeping pills. Landlord came in my apt, found me and called 911. I was almost gone when they got me to the hospital and pumped my stomach.

I hung myself in the bathroom with a new leather belt 3 years ago. As I started to slip away the belt broke and I fell to the floor, nearly broke my ankles (didn't) and didn't die.

This year I bought 3 space heaters. I sealed my apartment, turned all three on and turned my gas oven on at the same time. My love of my life died so I wanted to join him on Valentines Day.

My next door neighbor decided to bring me a bouquet of flowers that day, and got my landlord when I didn't answer the door - I was apparently unconscious. Another trip to the hospital.

I don't know what to tell you. I planned, executed and failed every one of my attempts. It has cost me a lot of money, pain, embarrassment and I was so angry at God for letting me live when I had wanted to die more than anything.

I don't know why I'm still here but I'm not going to do anymore suicides because I figure no matter what I do if its not my time I won't succeed. If its my time I could trip on a throw rug, hit my head and bleed out like my dear departed love did. It was his time, though I wish it wasn't.

I have no one who cares about me in my life anymore. I want to go but yet I stay. There are good days and bad days. My counselor has helped me find little reasons to wake up every day. One is all I need. I like pizza. That's it. But it's enough for now. I literally live for pizza. Hopefully you can find something more meaningful than pizza to live for but it works for me...

I haven't been here in a long time. I am not here to judge. I have been in your shoes. More than once. Suicide, though an attractive option in the midst of despair leaves a tidal wave of despair that will crush every person in your life even remotely acquaintances. Please either call a suicide hotline, reach out to a clergyman or your health care provider.

Don't consider this a failure consider it as a chance to reach out and find the will to live. Be honest with someone that is physically available to you!

WoW!

I stumbled back across this post TODAY..exactly one month after the last reply...

Thank you all for your concern and replies...

Unfortunately...I am still here...not thinking much about suicide since I have been crazy busy for the last 3 to 4 weeks...but ...

If I do take the time to 'think'...I still would rather die...Life here on earth just seems so dead anyway...there is really no happiness in my life...I can't do anything right...and I just have setback behind setback...I have failed at life...and I don't think anyone can convince me otherwise...

Anyway...thanks again for the replies....

I am going to bed now...hopefully I will get some sleep! Good Night!

-DR-

Talk to your doc about ect. It saved my life. Treatment resistant and severe cases can get it.

It's hard to give someone any positive advice when you are feeling similarly. Your words could have been my words. I'm struggling to WANT to stay alive. Right now, I'm in a program after almost drinking myself to death; and I share a room with people of all ages that are going through different and difficult times in their lives.

I just spoke to a young woman with kids who had suicide ideation and had been in the hospital for 2 months. I understand suicide ideation and depression (they go hand in hand). Occasionally I have a good day and thank god for that but then I go back to that giving up thinking.

I'm not happy about life and am very much alone in it. It scares me; so do the suicidal thoughts. I'm adopting a kitten a year later after my beloved cat passed away. He, alone, gave me reason to live; I always told people that when he passed away, I'm going with him. I just didn't expect him to die as early as he did.

The willl to live is strong which I believe is why you are still here and struggling with wanting to die. I don't I know you, but I understand what you are feeling and can only say, keep waiting until the next day. Life is short; may as well finish the journey.

I know how you feel. I feel like what's the point? But you can't do it because you need to be here. You might not know why, but in time you will. Take care please!!

Pleaselisten to Lilysawyer's post#6 on 3/30. Do not listen to people that "yell" at you & put you down so that you feel worse about yourself & want to end your life even more! I've been suicidal for most of my adult life & THAT DOES NOT HELP. I would say stay away from those who talk to you like that. However, you do need to access help. The suicide prevention hotline has helped me. Spirituality(do you have a "higher power" that you believe in?). I have had to be on the right medications, for SURE. In the beginning I read books that helped. Counseling & just letting out your thoughts & feelings by talking to someone in person can be very helpful. If you need to take care of basics (rides, etc.) there are people that may be able to help you. I had a case manager that helped me a lot. Please do not kill yourself. There are people that care. I'm one of them. LOTS of hugs. Hang in there!

While here we have the opportunity to improve our life. Still batteling through thinking about if wasn't here. I couldn't go through with it in the end. Things should get better for you.

Not sure what you meant by having thoughts darker than suicide but Ihope you talk to your therapist or someone about this.